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After 3 years dumped at 60.

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  • June 4, 2021 at 9:48 am #380966
    Anonymous
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    Dear DrB:

    “I love who I thought she was, I hate the one I know now… I love her but she does not”- it is almost a universal story: falling in love not with the person, but with whom we need the person to be. Even when we hate the one we know, we still need them to be someone else, and we keep craving that someone else.

    For me and for so many, the first heartbreak, the first “I love her but she does not”, happens in childhood: the child loves his/ her mother deeply, completely, unconditionally.  Most often, the mother does not reciprocate that quality of love, and the result: the child experiences his first unrequited love, his first heartbreak.

    Fast forward, the man falls in love with a woman, needing her to reciprocate that quality of love that he is still craving. Of course, this may not be true to your individual story. Is it?

    anita

    June 15, 2021 at 6:39 pm #381522
    wig
    Participant

    Dr B.

    Your writing all of this is good for you. Get rid of that toxic waste. Feel your feelings. They’re valid. Her loss not yours.  Concentrate on you for now. Take care of yourself. You are grieving the loss of someone you thought you loved.

    I am disillusioned myself, & about same age as you but trying to take care of myself mentally & physically. I don’t want to be emotionally bulldozed ever – so right now I’m my best friend. I have bad days but now Ive noticed that they are getting fewer as I nurture the relationship I have with myself (& yes sometimes its depressing to be doing so at the 11th hour … )

    Remind yourself that although this feels so dam hurtful that it’s for the better – and also good that you haven’t spent one extra minute (!) with someone who is clearly toxic for you.

    Just take it one (bad or good) day at a time. The rest will follow naturally.

     

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