Dear TeaK

Thank you once again for ur reply, and also i’m thankful that you are rooting for me for my accomplishment.

Few days has passed, the feeling of how calm i felt by not posting on instagram is still there and also i think i’m controlling the “voice” well.

But idk why every time i woke up from my sleep, i always felt anxiety… like what i’m worried about suddenly appears again. And this time it’s difficult to control.
I really might think that i need to assure my mind that i have to calm it by telling the answer to solve this problem.

Would u mind if i’m asking about the previous problems? I feel like ranting about them 😂

I wanna ask regarding the “girl who ask me not to wait”….. so right now i think i dont have the same feelings as how i used to like her so much…. Right now i can only see her as an attractive girl but it’s difficult for me to feel much love towards her now. But i still cant stop obsessing her idk why…. I dont feel that much towards her but cant stop obsess….
Like i keep imagining lots of scenarios: Like i imagine boys in her uni will talk about her appearance behind her back (just like how normal boys do)… and how boys would describe how she wears the outfit when she’s in uni…. Idk why i feel so uneasy…. What kind of feeling do u think is this? Do u think this uneasy feeling will be gone throughout time, because i’ve been texting her for 5 straight years?

Could it be because im following my university account on instagram (she’s going to the same uni as me)…. And everytime i open instagram i keep knowing my uni updates regarding their social events…. Should i hide my uni account’s posts?

I really wanna stop having her image controlling my head… why did my path have to lead me to meeting her… and im so clueless into chasing her for 5 years… what a waste of time for me… why cant my head just think straightly at that time…

Sometimes i feel like being cursed, like i’ve wasted my uni days for her and in the end it didnt work out with her and now she’s still in my head even when both of us havent texted each other for months. It’s like im dedicating my life for her… i hate my mind so much… why do i have to struggle to fight my own mind everyday for her… why is human minds created so complicated like this…

Also would you mind if i ask about the anime drawing again? The drawing i draw that time is an anime girl (a girl holding her hair from side view)…. Do u think it’s still alright? My mind keeps telling me that girl’s who saw it might think im a creepy guy who draws girls i know and draw them into an anime. Am i overreacting?
I know that this is the mind that is trying to prevent me from moving forward, but i’m just curious with that… might they think like that? Or i shouldnt care at all?