makes no difference to her, it doesn’t take away any of her suffering.. instead, she doesn’t understand it, it bothers her. She doesn’t want it.

Its true, i remember the first time i actually thought i loved her, not at the beginning of our talks, but lately, i just woke up i remember, and i said “i want to marry sara” its just came to me, and i was ready to work, maybe my chances will get higher, i wanted to buy a motorcycle since its essential for work in iraq, but that meant i could no longer afford my medication, and i said “so be it” i was suicidal at the time, i felt that her love might be worth it, and i must make my chances higher, give no excuse to the other gender to not love me, but that meant i go against my values and goals, i felt so much self loathing for even choosing such path, i said “maybe then i can actually do it”, when i started to care about her, and i saw no point, no matter how much i show care and love, no difference, no response, so i stopped

love and anxiety/ pain go together, hand in hand.

Im glad that you shared this with me, this is true for me too, whenver i think about her, i feel anxious, my stomach/chest hurts, it actually been this way for a long time, whenever i actually love someone, but lately, it’s been clear, when i love her, and know that i can’t do anything for her, it hurts, i actually stopped talking to her out of the idea that i might bother her, and if not talking to me means less suffering so be it, i don’t care

it is safe to love a painting. It is often dangerous to love a person.

I think that its because i believe that females won’t love me, in this scenario, its a one sided love

 a young child needs the love of his mother/caretakers (the adults living with him) as much as he needs oxygen, and he will pay whatever the cost.

Im glad that i didn’t pay anything for love, im glad that i didn’t listen, and kept my self respect, and im glad that you pointed out this problem, now when it arises, i will know that its my programming, and i must fight it

whatever he pays/ gives-away makes no difference (no love is coming his way), he stops paying the price, and he guards what is left of him: he will not give away any more.

“No love found, No love lost”

Its funny because you described exactly what happened to me and her

but neither one of us knows how it feels to love and/or be loved on an ongoing basis, without fear and pain being in charge, do we?

And we will never will, its the price for living that we must pay, everyday, though i like that i have something similar with you

I had to digest your replay, and let it sink in then actually replay