Dear Murtaza:

When you replied to me yesterday, you were lying down, not in your room, and using your phone. It usually takes you an hour or so to reply to me. I never use my phone to type/ text. I used to be able to text but it was such a long time ago that I don’t know how to access texting. I hardly ever talk on the phone and sometimes I forget how to answer it and miss a rare call. When I reply to  you, I sit in front of the computer, usually in my robe (it is chilly in the mornings in July, unless there is a heat wave like the one earlier in the month), in front of me there is a double glass door through which I can see the many, many green trees that surrounds the house (I live on a mountain, in a forest, basically), and I can see the now very clouded sky, and another mountain on the other side of a valley.

“You deserve that help, even more, from all members in here, not just me, if we live in a fair world, you very much deserve that“- thank you, and I agree that we are not living in a fair world, and therefore, deserving has little to do with anything.

“You can take as much as you want“- of your time, you meant- thank you.

“I prefer that you be angry at me and Express it than to leave and not say anything”– I am committing this to my memory, making sure I remember this.

“I won’t stop talking unless you say so“- I don’t want to ever stop talking to you. On the other hand, I know that I did- twice, so I don’t think that I deserve (here is that word again) much credit in this regard.

“Do you think that, because I said so, that she is evil, you started to believe that about her? Or is it because something else? Because maybe the guilt stopped you from thinking about this and you never tried to think of her like this?”- there is a paper on the table where I am sitting, to the right of the computer. I wrote a note on it two days ago, I think it was. I will quote it for you here: “Murtaza says so. He’s the One other person on my side= No one other than him expressed anger at her. He is indeed the Non-Normie”- a word by word quote.

I always needed (now I know) one other person to get angry at her, so that I am not alone angry at her for the ways she mistreated me. I needed someone by my side, and you are The One.

I wrote: “like a personal part of my is valuable”, and you wrote: “It is“. I wrote: “like I am  valuable”, and you wrote: “You are“. I very much like it the way you sometimes use only a few words that carry a lot  of weight. Let me repeat the thought: I am valuable, what’s inside my mind is valuable, my thoughts are valued.

“what did I gave you that was special? That people couldn’t give? Understanding? Validation? A combination of both and other things?”- the answers are right above: you were The One who got angry at her for the ways she mistreated me, who expressed such anger. And you expressed that you value me.. and I trust you to mean it (I just felt a tinge of disbelief). And I value you, so your valuing me is.. valuable to me.

“When I talk about this day with my sister, I tell her (this is my favorite episode) she laughs. It was something I remember and be proud“- and she is proud of you, isn’t she. She values you. I am pretty sure about this assumption, that’s why I am not asking for confirmation.

“It’s Mary and Max 2009, a movie, not tv show, i don’t know how you could watch it though, there is free streaming sites on the web, if you still want to and don’t know where to watch it from, I can give you a link? Maybe in emails? (I think that this site doesn’t accept links?)“- I am very low tech, but is it possible to spell out the link with spaces instead of copying and inserting it here? That’s what I do to not trigger the feature that rejects links, for example, something like mary and max/ movie. com (instead of maryandmaxmovie.com). Regarding emails, like my phone, I hardly ever use it. 99% or more of my online communication with people is right here, on this website.

“You can choose what to tell me… just say so in the next post and i will be happy to reply to them, maybe discuss them (I like that we are discussing anita, and would love to do more, if you want to) though if you think its enough, then its enough“- definitely more. I already thought of what I want to ask you about, hoping it will help me irl. But later. As you can see, I opened this post with sharing about my current personal life, although I shared that before in these forums. I also shared with you earlier, and repeatedly about the taproom (I shared about it with other members as well). I still wish you were there. Sometimes I think about you living here, how you would like a much cooler area (although global warming is here loud and clear!)

I’ll post later, hours from now, I think, after I try and watch the show you recommended that I watch. Thank you, Murtaza.

*By the way, I am still not editing at all (other than spelling)- I am not going to mention this in every post, but this is my rule now in regard to posting to you.

* Later: I pressed Edit to italicize one of your quotes that I forgot to italicize, correct some misspellings, and get rid of a line that I copied and pasted from your post and forgot to delete.

anita

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