Dear Murtaza:

I tried to edit the post above, and remove the “I would have run to you”, but 5 minutes after submitting it, the Edit option was not available anymore. I wasn’t really into removing it, it’s just that I felt guilty. But my god, how spontaneous and how real it felt.. it occurred to me that the words might have come from a Whitney Houston song.. I just listened to a Youtube of the song “Run to you”, some of the words: “Hold me in your arms, keep me safe from harm, but if I come to you, tell me- will you stay, or will you run away?”-

– well, there is no doubt in my mind that my sentiment for you when I wrote the above (“I would have run to you”) was romantic. Isn’t it something… of course, such sentiment cannot be pursued further.. but my god, isn’t that amazing.. how youth is not the exclusive property of the young. My god.. the powerful emotions of youth.. so powerful, so earth shattering.. no wonder it is so difficult for you, full of youth,  to be caged in depression.. waiting for the end, one day at a time- staying alive for another day, as long as it is not more painful than you can endure.. or should endure.

Youth- I wish my youth was not soaked with pain, as it has been. But the emotions and desire of youth existed then, while I was caged in pain and misery, and they, these youthful emotions,  are not gone now. Because of you, I feel young today, right now. But like you would say/ or like I would say: what is one to do with an emotion (energy- in motion) where there is nowhere for the motion to go to, suspended in the air, nowhere for it to land?

No, it can’t be this way.. there has to be a better way- for you. There has to be a better way for you than to be waiting for death, a way that requires thinking outside the box.. so that you can.. even if it is for one day, spread your wings and fly up in the blue sky, going someplace.

(This post was made possible, in part, by a bit of red wine).

anita