Hi Anita,

Just to clarify, in the beginning (5 months) of our relationship I was not anxiously attached to my partner. I had my own sense of self and was working on my treatment for depression & anxiety. I remember very clearly that I had a lot of anxiety when we had arguments in the relationship because my ex would not support me when I was going for treatment. This is why the anxiety formed. The rest is accurate, I was anxious all throughout the other phases except the 4th and 5th phases where we were not talking and I felt a sense of freedom.

“then his ASPD diagnosis is not relevant to the 8 phases of his relationship with you.”

He was definitely kind and selfless with me, but during our relationship in phase 1, he was having trouble with showing empathy for me even if he had lots of empathy and love for me. Then during phase 7, he was being disrespectful towards me.

“”In summary: it is your anxiety within an intimate, romantic relationship with a man (having an anxious attachment style) that needs to be attended to. I think that rather than “Letting go of hope for (his) recovery” (the title of your thread), it is better that you continue to focus on your own recovery while abstaining for some time from any kind of a relationship with him (a future 9th phase), and/ or with any other man.””

Thank you for putting this into words. I’ve been focusing on my mental health but I’m not sure how to relieve the anxious attachment towards my ex. Since this anxiety only shows up when I’m in a relationship with him, so I’m not sure how to work on this.