Dear TeaK,

Thank you once again for ur reply and giving advices.

• “She probably isn’t, that’s why she decided not to pursue a relationship with you. The person who initiates the break is never as nearly as sad as the one left behind. That’s the nature of breakups… I guess her feelings for you were less than yours for her, otherwise her parents couldn’t influence her so much. Because you said they didn’t really forbid her to date you, but only advised against it. But she readily accepted their advice, and even told you she doesn’t want a long-distance relationship, with your visiting her from time to time. If she cared about you enough and didn’t want to lose you, she would have been open for a LDR, to be able to get you know you better, face to face.”
• “I think that you should accept the fact that she’s just not that into you, even if she’s told you differently. Her actions and her attitude (rejecting a LDR) speak more than her words…”

= When i read that you also feel the same that she probably isn’t as sad as me, and also that she’s not that into me….. just indirectly slapped me and suddenly i realized…. what have i done all the past few years…. i wasted my several years thinking of her everyday….

I even regret that i said to her i cried after she said that she decides to go back to her previous decision, in which both of us are only “acquaintances/casual friend”…. like why did i say that??? It’s so embarrassing…… I also tell her that i used to pray so that both of us can be together…… Right now i feel cringe when i remember i said that…. Like it just showed how much i’m a fan of her…..

I hope she wont tease me that i’m so obsessed with her if she tells about this situation to her close friends/her parents, as her parents viewed our relationship as “puppy love”….. Do u think she might tease me?

But tbh few years back you could say i’m really obsessed with her, although right now i’m still in that state but less obsessed after reading some of ur advices…. i hope the obsession will fade away through time. Few years back, when she posted a pic…. like even an “unattractive pic” of her….. i’d be drawn by her beauty idk why…… It’s like i saw her as a “perfect” person, i still cant believe i think of her that way.

Before she decides to leave me, she told me that she views relationship as something significant and not to play with…. that’s why she keeps saying that she wants a relationship only when she’s working, when she’s ready. She said that relationship between teenagers, dates are only the fun part…. wait till u get married… it’ll mostly be struggles and responsibility. I think it’s also due to she has an aunt who has a bad marriage… sometimes she also tell me that her parents could argue with each other….

I used to obsessed with her till at the point that i wished i was her (i used to mention this in the previous threads)… i also feel that being a girl is nicer than being boys. But when she said all that, i realized that her life wasnt as happy as i thought it’ll be…. because what i viewed is that she’s a pretty girl who could attract many boys.

Also the tradition in our culture is that girls who get married with their husband, mostly also lives with her in-laws. She also feels that as a girl she needs to adapt with her new “house” later on. Does that mean that i’m wrong? Being chased by lots of boys doesnt mean it’s a blessing? Because in the end a girl will only choose one and if the girl gets a frustrating in-laws it’ll also lead to an unhappy life?

Tbh i still have a small glimpse of hope so that i can be with her (idk if this hope will fades through time or not)… but my mindset right now isnt to wait for her anymore (i hope this mindset stays like this… and not get swayed into waiting for her again). But I wont pray for this hope everyday anymore… it’s like something i’d just keep for myself.

• “I don’t think it would benefit you to hope and pray for you two getting together. It would only prevent you from finding someone else, someone better… You yourself are very young, she is your first crush, your whole relationship happened online, so it wasn’t even a real relationship since you didn’t really go on dates, have you? I dare to say that you practically haven’t experienced a real relationship yet.”
• “You say you’re madly in love, but you haven’t even held her hand, have you? You are in love with an image of her, and also with the feeling you had while interacting with her: you felt appreciated, you felt someone values you and shows interest in you. You desperately needed this kind of attention – positive attention – from people, because you haven’t received it from your parents. She provided it for you, and it made you feel loved.”

= Yes you are right, she is my first crush and i haven’t even experienced any dates. I also havent even experienced holding a girl’s hand. I guess you are right… i’m madly in love with an image of her (her physical appearance) and also i think due to that we connect with each other through texts….. I cant let go of her also due to i think that it’s tiring to start from 0 again with another girl… as with this girl i’ve told her everything about me. And yeah… also due to my self-esteem.

One of my friends who’s in a relationship said that as a guy i need to be smart in winning the “girl’s parents” heart/acceptance…. is it true? Do u think i should learn this now, so i’m more prepared when meeting my future girlfriend’s parents? 😂

(Copied from previous thread): As for improving myself, i really want to improve on the way i talk with girls….. i’m mostly shy at having an eye contact with girls… especially if i find them attractive idk why. Also i’m not really good at talking casually with people who im not really close with…… i have a feeling that some people (acquaintance) feels uncomfortable talking to me as i’m not a fun person to talk to….When i really thought that i could date this girl, i also have this “communication insecurities” like i’m afraid she’s going to be turn off by how not fun i’m on communicating.  I guess it’s because i’m an introvert. I feel like i’m only good at communicating if i’m sharing my feelings and they hear about it….. like how i used to talk to my close friends…. but if it’s a casual talk…. i’m really not a fun person to talk with. Especially if most of my friends gather…. i wont talk much… i usually only listen.

How do u think i can improve this part?