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Need some advice, as im so frustrated

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  • #382777
    Felix
    Participant

    *continuing from the previous thread above*

    When i’ve convinced myself that i should just stop doing anything for her… as i think it’ll only end up giving me anxiety.

    But the next day my brain would think the other way (it’s always like this, the cycle keeps repeating)… that i should not give up on her… omg i’m so tired of this 😑. Even her parents know about me now, i’m so embarrassed.

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 6 days ago by Felix.
    #383014
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    I am sorry for replying only now, I was on holidays and rarely at the computer…

    She did say that she loves me and imagining us dating…(idk if she’s saying this with her adult mindset or she’s still immature).

    OK, so she says she has feelings for you and could see the two of you dating. But there’s a problem with that: she is forbidden to date anyone before she graduates from the university, if I understood well? Neither her aunt nor her mother would support the idea, and she doesn’t sound like she wants to oppose them and date you anyway, does she?

    Although i know she’s also trying to find a solution for us.

    What kind of solution? She told you she would be able to date only in 2 years from now, at the earliest. Until then, what is she suggesting?

    Even her parents know about me now, i’m so embarrassed.

    Did she tell her parents about you? What was their reaction?

     

    #383061
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    • “I am sorry for replying only now, I was on holidays and rarely at the computer…”

    = No worries, and i’m still thankful that you are still replying and giving me advice.

     

     

    • ” Did she tell her parents about you? What was their reaction?”
    • “OK, so she says she has feelings for you and could see the two of you dating. But there’s a problem with that: she is forbidden to date anyone before she graduates from the university, if I understood well? Neither her aunt nor her mother would support the idea, and she doesn’t sound like she wants to oppose them and date you anyway, does she?”
    • “What kind of solution? She told you she would be able to date only in 2 years from now, at the earliest. Until then, what is she suggesting?”

    = She told me that, at first she thought that her parents would be mad at her for getting close with a boy. But that reaction didnt happen…. After she said that, her father said: You are still 18, focus on your studies first. And her mom said: You are still too young to have a relationship with someone, i suggest you to have a relationship with someone when you have graduated uni/working. Also her mother asks how she and i get to know each other, she told her mother that we get to know each other because we attend the same school when i was her senior…. but then we mostly contact each other through chatting as we never meet each other. Then her father told her: I think both of your relationship is still “puppy love”. And her mother said: How can you both know each other if only by chatting…. and her mother said that she suggest her to have a relationship when graduating uni later on. Although her parents said those words, i dont think they force her to cut off ties with me.

    After that she said to me that she needs a few days to think about the solution,

    Then after the few days she said to me that she decided to go back to her old decision in which both of us didnt form any romantic relationship… like only stay as a casual “friend”.

    She said after those few days of thinking and understanding herself, she said that she’s actually a person who doesnt want to have a relationship that early…. because she always heard those advices from her parents… and also she also has an aunt that has a bad marriage and she fears that…. and she said that’s also a reason why she doesnt want to have a relationship quickly… like she prefers the relationship if it’s really a sure relationship till marriage…. because even if she has a relationship with me now, she’s going to uni in a city (45 mins by boat from my city)…. she said that even if i can travel to that city occasionally… we wont have many chance of face to face… she said long distance relationship cant make her know her partner’s personality fully. She prefers being with someone who she can meet occasionally…. and also she said she wants a relationship when she’s working…. but she cant predict where she’ll be working….. is it in her uni’s city or in our city? As she graduated uni on 2025. She also said that she’ll have to deal with her aunt later on… as she’s living with her in uni’s city. Like she prefers when she graduate later on.. when she’s an adult and free.

    She said to me that honestly she has feelings for me… and those days before she has concludes that decision hurts her.

    She said to me that both of us should move on…. she told me not to wait as she’ll feel guilty towards me… as she’ll stop me from having a relationship with someone… only because she cant have a relationship till she graduate.

    Tbh i cried that day and i said that i agree with her decision…. but i said to her that i’ll still open any possibilities of both of us being together…. she told me: please dont said that, it hurts me to feel guilty that you’ll wait for me… i’ve hurt you a lot of times.. seeing you hurt also hurts me.

    I said to her yes i’ll agree with your decision and i’ll move on…. but we cant predict the future… who knows that we might end up with each other…

    She said okay…

    But let’s just focus on the present…. let fate decides the future… For right now, let’s both move on.

    And i said okay.

     

     

    I cant believe that i’ve done everything i can all these years but i still havent found myself a happy love relationship life.

    Tbh i said to her that i “open possibilities” is because that she always remembers everything i said and i hope that those small words might brought us together if we’re meant to be.

    I also want to form a relationship with her now is also so that i wont have to face any possibilities of rivalry with the boys who want to chase her when she’s in uni later on. Although im convinced that she’s really sure that she dont want a relationship till she graduates…. but anything could happen and we dont know. And when she graduates on 2025….. i’d be 26 by then…. i bet some of my friends are married by then.

    I dont even have a time to think about my insecurities with her…. like my height….

    These days i’m healing myself after feeling hurt, like after i finished healing i’ll try to chase other girls…. if i’m still single till 2025 i’ll try again with her if she’s still single….. But idk when will i finished healing…. it’ll take a lot of time and it hurts a lot.

    But i also fear that when she graduates later on….. she’ll be a different person and also she’ll have a lot’s of boys acquaintances…. much more rivalry than now. And i also hope that she’ll be working on our city when she graduate later on… not on her uni’s city…. as i’ll have no chance with her (LDR).

    I keep praying to god these days, that i’ll be given the right path on my relationship life….. i keep praying that it’s her….. i cant believe im still this madly obsessed with her even after that decision.

    I hope that in the future i’ll get to marry someone who i madly in love with.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by Felix.
    #383069
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    it seems she strengthened the decision not to date you, and it’s not only because of her parents’ pressure/advice, but also because she feels that’s for the best. She wants to enter a relationship when she is ready and has serious intentions (she said when she finds a job, and when she is thinking about getting married), and right now that’s not the case.

    It seems that right now she wants to focus on her studies and not be distracted by a relationship, and it’s a legitimate decision. That’s what she’s already told you before, but when you posted that “goodbye” post, probably her ego got a bit hurt and she started the cycle again, messing up with you, giving you hope. She shouldn’t have done that. But she’s young and no wonder she has doubts and insecurity. Try to forgive her for giving you false hope…

    But also, take this as her final decision and start detaching yourself from her, accepting that she’s at the same point where you were 4 or 5 years ago, just entering university, with a million opportunities before her and at least a dozen possible life scenarios. What will be 4 or 5 years from now? No one knows. So there is no point in holding onto something that’s not there, that’s unknown, that will only take shape in the future… Leave the future to the future, and if you want, to God and fate. But don’t hold on to it, don’t hold on to something that doesn’t have a shape yet.

    Focus on the here and now, on what you want to do with your life right now. Things we’ve talked about before, such as improving your self-esteem, developing a sense of accomplishment, hitting the gym, jogging etc. My advice is to work on yourself first and don’t even think of chasing girls for the next 6 months. Become a more self-confident person, and I guarantee you, you’ll be more successful in dating and finding a suitable girl too.

     

    #383120
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply.

    I understand every of ur advices above, and i also feel that it’s the best solution for me….. which is to detach myself from her as the future is uncertain… and also focus on the present such as improving myself.

     

    But of course after this situation, as a human i’m deeply affected by it.

    I feel like i’ve tried everything i can… but i still can’t get the conclusion i wanted.

    As of today i still feel so down and sad, i even wished that tomorrow is 2025 so that i can see the outcome of this uncertainty. But of course it’d be unwise for me to think that i’d skip 4 years of my life only to see how is my outcome with her.

    I feel so much unfairness, as i think she’s not as sad as me….. like i’m the only one who’s really madly in love and if she really loves me she’d put an effort for this situation…. maybe it’s because she said that she havent know me fully yet, as we only contact each other through texts but it’s also due to her situation in which she gets pressure from her family regarding relationship and also due to her insecurities for having an aunt who has a bad marriage.

    Also she’s a girl…. like even if she feels sad…. she just need to wait if she wants a new boy…. like she only have to fix her appearance and a boy will come to her, even if she still feels sad eventually the boy who’s attracted to her will just convince her to not feel sad anymore… whereas me, i’m a guy and i have to convince myself to not give up and try to chase another girl. Also i cant feel sad in chasing girls, as girls will reject me as a “weak guy”. I know this sounds that i’m complaining, but yeah… this is what i feel now 😑.

    Do u think this is due to our age gap? Is 4 years actually a big age gap for relationships?

    Do u think if i hope to fate everyday that i will be brought into the right path with her will only cause bad influence to me? Will it only remind myself of her?

     

    As for improving myself, i really want to improve on the way i talk with girls….. i’m mostly shy at having an eye contact with girls… especially if i find them attractive idk why. Also i’m not really good at talking casually with people who im not really close with…… i have a feeling that some people (acquaintance) feels uncomfortable talking to me as i’m not a fun person to talk to….

    When i really thought that i could date this girl, i also have this “communication insecurities” like i’m afraid she’s going to be turn off by how not fun i’m on communicating.  I guess it’s because i’m an introvert.

    I feel like i’m only good at communicating if i’m sharing my feelings and they hear about it….. like how i used to talk to my close friends…. but if it’s a casual talk…. i’m really not a fun person to talk with. Especially if most of my friends gather…. i wont talk much… i usually only listen.

     

    #383158
    Felix
    Participant

    *continuing from the previous thread above*

    Since separating from her, as usual i’m having anxiety everyday… i know that i’m repeating this but i keep imagining lots of scenarios. I dont know how will i survive this everyday…

    I need to accept if any boys might try to get close to her on uni, but it’s so difficult for me to accept that… i guess this the scenario that keeps driving me insane… why cant i just accept that scenario.. i hate myself..

    And also everything around me seems to go downhill, now that i’ve graduated and settled in this city which is helping my parents business. I feel like the chance of exploring like on my uni days is gone….and also most people who’s at my age right now is already busy with themselves (working and relationship)…. I feel like i find it difficult to accept adulthood…. I keep comparing myself to her… as she just started uni, it must be nice for her to be able to meet lots of people and she can explore lots of things.

    It’s always been this way… few years back when i’m on uni and she’s on highschool… i also feel envy of her that she’s still studying at school and i feel anxiety that she might have a crush on someone on highschool. Like i’m always tracking her life progress and it drives me insane.

    I know that i should focus on improving myself, but it’s so hard to stop thinking about her… i tried brainstorming with myself to convince myself that this is for the best… well my mind was convinced then the next day i’m thinking about her again…

    I think the only way is to find someone new, but i’m so tired of relationship… like i want to be alone now.. i dont even want to talk to anyone… i feel like if i can disappear now i’ll be really happy. I’m so tired with life… it never goes my way…. It’s hard being me. I always keep praying so that i’ll have a good relationship life with girls.. but it never came.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 4 days ago by Felix.
    #383200
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    I am sorry you’re feeling sad. But it’s normal – you hoped for a relationship with her, and she rejected you once, then she sparked your hope again, only to reject you once again.

    I feel so much unfairness, as i think she’s not as sad as me…

    She probably isn’t, that’s why she decided not to pursue a relationship with you. The person who initiates the break is never as nearly as sad as the one left behind. That’s the nature of breakups… I guess her feelings for you were less than yours for her, otherwise her parents couldn’t influence her so much. Because you said they didn’t really forbid her to date you, but only advised against it. But she readily accepted their advice, and even told you she doesn’t want a long-distance relationship, with your visiting her from time to time. If she cared about you enough and didn’t want to lose you, she would have been open for a LDR, to be able to get you know you better, face to face.

    I too was in a LDR for 5 years, meeting my now husband approx. once per month. You two will be living only 45 minutes apart, it’s nothing. But she refused that, which means she doesn’t really want to deepen the relationship with you and get to know you better.

    I think that you should accept the fact that she’s just not that into you, even if she’s told you differently. Her actions and her attitude (rejecting a LDR) speak more than her words…

    Do u think if i hope to fate everyday that i will be brought into the right path with her will only cause bad influence to me? Will it only remind myself of her?

    I don’t think it would benefit you to hope and pray for you two getting together. It would only prevent you from finding someone else, someone better… You yourself are very young, she is your first crush, your whole relationship happened online, so it wasn’t even a real relationship since you didn’t really go on dates, have you? I dare to say that you practically haven’t experienced a real relationship yet.

    You say you’re madly in love, but you haven’t even held her hand, have you? You are in love with an image of her, and also with the feeling you had while interacting with her: you felt appreciated, you felt someone values you and shows interest in you. You desperately needed this kind of attention – positive attention – from people, because you haven’t received it from your parents. She provided it for you, and it made you feel loved.

    But it doesn’t mean she is the one for you. There are other girls out there who might like you and appreciate you, and want to go on dates with you, and even plan a future with you. You’re only at the beginning. 22 years is super young. As I told you once before, even at 32 you’ll still be young. You’ve got 10 years to work on yourself and find a suitable girl. There is no rush.

    I know that i should focus on improving myself, but it’s so hard to stop thinking about her…

    I know, because you tend to overthink and obsess about things (your internal saboteur!), and she is another obsession of yours, which your mind easily slips into. You start thinking and overthinking until your brain explodes and you decide that “I’m so tired with life”. The obsessive thinking does that to you – it drains your energy, it makes you stuck in an endless loop. It’s like getting caught in an eddy, you try to swim out, but cannot, the pull is stronger…

    We’ve spoken about the ways you can silence the anxious mind. The best would be to do some physical exercise (you said you’d try jogging around the block) to stop the mental chatter…

     

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 3 days ago by TeaK.
    #383295
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply and giving advices.

     

    • “She probably isn’t, that’s why she decided not to pursue a relationship with you. The person who initiates the break is never as nearly as sad as the one left behind. That’s the nature of breakups… I guess her feelings for you were less than yours for her, otherwise her parents couldn’t influence her so much. Because you said they didn’t really forbid her to date you, but only advised against it. But she readily accepted their advice, and even told you she doesn’t want a long-distance relationship, with your visiting her from time to time. If she cared about you enough and didn’t want to lose you, she would have been open for a LDR, to be able to get you know you better, face to face.”
    • “I think that you should accept the fact that she’s just not that into you, even if she’s told you differently. Her actions and her attitude (rejecting a LDR) speak more than her words…”

     

    = When i read that you also feel the same that she probably isn’t as sad as me, and also that she’s not that into me….. just indirectly slapped me and suddenly i realized…. what have i done all the past few years…. i wasted my several years thinking of her everyday….

    I even regret that i said to her i cried after she said that she decides to go back to her previous decision, in which both of us are only “acquaintances/casual friend”…. like why did i say that??? It’s so embarrassing…… I also tell her that i used to pray so that both of us can be together…… Right now i feel cringe when i remember i said that…. Like it just showed how much i’m a fan of her…..

    I hope she wont tease me that i’m so obsessed with her if she tells about this situation to her close friends/her parents, as her parents viewed our relationship as “puppy love”….. Do u think she might tease me?

    But tbh few years back you could say i’m really obsessed with her, although right now i’m still in that state but less obsessed after reading some of ur advices…. i hope the obsession will fade away through time. Few years back, when she posted a pic…. like even an “unattractive pic” of her….. i’d be drawn by her beauty idk why…… It’s like i saw her as a “perfect” person, i still cant believe i think of her that way.

    Before she decides to leave me, she told me that she views relationship as something significant and not to play with…. that’s why she keeps saying that she wants a relationship only when she’s working, when she’s ready. She said that relationship between teenagers, dates are only the fun part…. wait till u get married… it’ll mostly be struggles and responsibility. I think it’s also due to she has an aunt who has a bad marriage… sometimes she also tell me that her parents could argue with each other….

    I used to obsessed with her till at the point that i wished i was her (i used to mention this in the previous threads)… i also feel that being a girl is nicer than being boys. But when she said all that, i realized that her life wasnt as happy as i thought it’ll be…. because what i viewed is that she’s a pretty girl who could attract many boys.

    Also the tradition in our culture is that girls who get married with their husband, mostly also lives with her in-laws. She also feels that as a girl she needs to adapt with her new “house” later on. Does that mean that i’m wrong? Being chased by lots of boys doesnt mean it’s a blessing? Because in the end a girl will only choose one and if the girl gets a frustrating in-laws it’ll also lead to an unhappy life?

    Tbh i still have a small glimpse of hope so that i can be with her (idk if this hope will fades through time or not)… but my mindset right now isnt to wait for her anymore (i hope this mindset stays like this… and not get swayed into waiting for her again). But I wont pray for this hope everyday anymore… it’s like something i’d just keep for myself.

     

     

    • “I don’t think it would benefit you to hope and pray for you two getting together. It would only prevent you from finding someone else, someone better… You yourself are very young, she is your first crush, your whole relationship happened online, so it wasn’t even a real relationship since you didn’t really go on dates, have you? I dare to say that you practically haven’t experienced a real relationship yet.”
    • “You say you’re madly in love, but you haven’t even held her hand, have you? You are in love with an image of her, and also with the feeling you had while interacting with her: you felt appreciated, you felt someone values you and shows interest in you. You desperately needed this kind of attention – positive attention – from people, because you haven’t received it from your parents. She provided it for you, and it made you feel loved.”

    = Yes you are right, she is my first crush and i haven’t even experienced any dates. I also havent even experienced holding a girl’s hand. I guess you are right… i’m madly in love with an image of her (her physical appearance) and also i think due to that we connect with each other through texts….. I cant let go of her also due to i think that it’s tiring to start from 0 again with another girl… as with this girl i’ve told her everything about me. And yeah… also due to my self-esteem.

    One of my friends who’s in a relationship said that as a guy i need to be smart in winning the “girl’s parents” heart/acceptance…. is it true? Do u think i should learn this now, so i’m more prepared when meeting my future girlfriend’s parents? 😂

     

     

    (Copied from previous thread): As for improving myself, i really want to improve on the way i talk with girls….. i’m mostly shy at having an eye contact with girls… especially if i find them attractive idk why. Also i’m not really good at talking casually with people who im not really close with…… i have a feeling that some people (acquaintance) feels uncomfortable talking to me as i’m not a fun person to talk to….When i really thought that i could date this girl, i also have this “communication insecurities” like i’m afraid she’s going to be turn off by how not fun i’m on communicating.  I guess it’s because i’m an introvert. I feel like i’m only good at communicating if i’m sharing my feelings and they hear about it….. like how i used to talk to my close friends…. but if it’s a casual talk…. i’m really not a fun person to talk with. Especially if most of my friends gather…. i wont talk much… i usually only listen.

    How do u think i can improve this part?

     

    #383297
    Felix
    Participant

    *continuing from the previous thread above* (the embarrassment part)

    I’m can stop thinking on my regret that i told her everything (i cried, prayed for her)… i cant believe i’m so honest to her.. she’s a person who doesnt forgets easily, she can even remember what i said to her 5 years ago.. in which i’ve forgotten about it… i thought that time if i said this it could keep her from forgetting about me….I didnt think twice at that time, like in the future when she finally got herself a boyfriend (if it’s not me).. she might discuss about this (which is her past).

    Right now i’m trying to stop my internal saboteur from making this issue a new obsession to worry about.

    #383298
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    Right now i’m trying to stop my internal saboteur from making this issue a new obsession to worry about.

    Excellent that you’re observing yourself and realizing that your internal saboteur would want to make this a new issue to obsess about. It’s a new subject to “latch” onto, and he does it in an attempt to keep you in stuck in one place, not trying anything new, not doing physical exercise, just overthinking until you get exhausted and depressed.

    Notice his intention and do something such as physical exercise, walk, jog, drawing or whatever that can help you stop this voice and do something productive.

    I’ll write more later.

     

    #383363
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    how is your mental chatter now? I can imagine it’s hard for you to live with it all the time, and that’s why it would be important to do something about it. Because as you’ve noticed it yourself, you’ll always find some reason to worry and obsess about. Now the latest is your fear of your ex-girlfriend/crush making fun of your crying when she told you it’s over. Earlier it was fear of embarrassing yourself on instagram… You’re very dependent on other people’s opinion of you, and your own core (the sense of  self) is quite fragile.

    In martial arts there’s a term of the core, which is your abdomen (it’s also called the solar plexus chakra and the tantien). You may want to look at it and do exercises for strengthening your core. Our bodily feeling can affect how we feel emotionally, so if you feel strong(er) in your body, you will feel stronger emotionally too. And those questions and obsessions will lessen as the result. That’s the best solution I see for you – more thinking and analyzing won’t do any good.

    #383364
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply,

    Yes, till now i’m still trying to contain my mental chatter as i’ve live with it for a long time….. and as you said i’m very dependent on other people’s opinion…

    I think i do that so that i can fulfil society standards….

    As you know i’m insecure with my height as it doesnt reach the standards on an average guy… Like i wanna show to people that i’m not left behind… i can get myself a pretty girl…. i think this is the reason why i keep chasing her (as she’s pretty imo) and i have that low self-esteem in which i’m trying to convince myself to improve.

    I also thought to fulfil society standards, people must view me as having “lots of friends”…. but after graduating uni (most of my friends in uni are from different cities and most of them go back to their hometown) i feel like most of my friends right now are busy with themselves (busy with life, relationship, work)… i still cant adapt to this…. is this adulthood? As someone who’s more experienced than me im sure you understand this situation?

    Few years back when i started uni i also feel a bit different and i have difficulties in adapting…. like most of my friends on highschool are childish and fun…. but in uni i cant see those personalities anymore…. like the way people talk are more calm and serious….

    I think the only way to slowly get rid of the mental chatter is to “stop caring of others opinion”…..  i hope if i use this mindset it wont affect me to be lazy…. because sometimes i feel the mental chatter motivates me…. like how it shows me to live with society standards by having many friends….. maybe without it i wont have as many friends as i have now.

    If i become my true self…. i’ll be a person who doesnt speak to anyone…. like i’m a person who prefers in my room alone without anyone as i’m an introvert… but i know i cant do that… that’s why i taught myself to follow society standards. I know some people have it easy with life… and i never consider myself to fall into that category.

    Also i’m not a likeable person as i’m not fun to talk with….. i cant find anything of myself that someone could like…. i even barely smile…. i think i inherit this personality from my dad, it’s not about my self-esteem but i really think of myself that way….. I really enjoy alone (alone equals to no drama)…. and having bond with people will mostly only cause disappointment… Even my closest friend, i really hope that they can understand me fully….. but they cant… Does this world really works this way? Then why do people wanna be sociable if no one can understand ourselves fully?

    #383365
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    So the other parts besides the “embarrassment part” on the previous threads isnt relevant?

    Like on how that girl lives as a female in our city tradition, i think that if i find answers from that… i can ease my mind.

    As sometimes i can contain my mental chatter also by brainstorming….. like how i did before regarding the “embarrassment on instagram”

    #383366
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    I understand that you want to feel liked by others, and you believe that in order to be liked by others, you need to do what everybody else is doing. The truth is that you cannot feel liked by others unless you first like yourself. Because if there’s a hole within, it’s like a bottomless pit – no amount of attention and praise will be enough. And even if you get positive attention and praise, you’ll question whether it’s true, whether people are sincere or they are just faking that they like you.

    You see what I mean? Without that internal security and self-confidence, there’s really no outer “proof” that can satisfy you. Without it, you will always question yourself and other people’s intentions – even if they are sincere… I believe you realize that, because you are quick to question everything and always find a potential problem, even in harmless situations.

    So the solution to your problem is not to find external approval – because you won’t believe it anyway! The solution is to develop internal approval – which means to like yourself and love yourself.

    The solution is not to become extrovert, if you’re an introvert. The solution is not to talk about superficial things, if you prefer deeper topics and talking about emotions. The solution is not to become someone else, but to be yourself, with confidence.

    I know it’s hard for you to be yourself with confidence, because you haven’t received enough stimulus from your parents. Your father was emotionally closed off, never smiled, workaholic, focused only on his work and duties, didn’t know how to have fun. And your mother was constantly worrying about you and your growth and development. She treated you as if there was something wrong with you, she worried about you and doubted that you can be a successful and thriving adult.

    You grew up in such an atmosphere. You didn’t receive positive attention, but negative attention from your mother. She might have been “supportive”, as in helping a disabled child and relieving you from all duties – but you were not disabled! She didn’t have faith in you, and you don’t have faith in yourself either.

    And probably she’s still the same, she probably still sees you as weak, fragile and incapable of life. She still sees you as her “disabled” child.

    You need to change that image about yourself. You’re not disabled, you’re not incapable, you’re not less than others. My advice is to 1) adopt a positive self-image (use mantras, affirmations, love your inner child, have faith in him, etc), 2) do things that will give you a sense of accomplishment (to counter the idea that you’re weak and incapable), 3) do physical exercise to reduce mental chatter and produce good chemicals in your brain, such as dopamine.

     

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by TeaK.
    #383369
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur advices.

    As you have mentioned those 3 advices, and after reading it i agree with you… that those tips might help me change the way i’m thinking of myself… into a more positive way.

    I think i’ll start with creating a positive image and trying physical exercise in my housing complex that i mentioned before.

    And do u think i’ve had this hobby of laying lazy in my room due to my parents keep relieving me from duties?

     

    I also believed that my self confidence issue isnt only caused my parents, but also rather due to the opinion of most girls in my highschool days… like their “criteria” on boys (which is taller than them, etc)… i always keep their opinion in mind…  I’m also answering this question below that you asked me a few months ago.

    Should i not think too much of this issue, as it applies the same as most of the issue on the previous threads regarding my insecurity?

    • “It also seems you feel injustice about the whole situation – so were there any instances where you were judged unfairly, while someone else in your family, perhaps a sibling, had it much easier without really deserving it?
    • I am asking you this because this kind of self-rejection could be caused by a childhood wound, and if so, it’s crucial that you become aware of that wound…“
    • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by Felix.
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