Menu

Need some advice, as im so frustrated

HomeForumsTough TimesNeed some advice, as im so frustrated

New Reply
Viewing 15 posts - 166 through 180 (of 185 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #387072
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Those who know me in person mostly knows my height (after boosted, as i always wear shoes) i never showed anyone my barefoot height… will they get reminded of this height when they try to remember my height?

    As there are some people who have taken a picture with me (and i’m taller than her in that pic) what will she think when she saw my height in that “pic”, as i look short in that pic…. Will she still think that she’s shorter than me?

    Really? Random people wont care? Like wont they comment in their head, “who is this short guy”?

    #387078
    Tee
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    Really? Random people wont care? Like wont they comment in their head, “who is this short guy”?

    No, they have more important things than wondering about some unfamiliar guy in their acquaintance’s photo.

    Self-conscious and insecure people like yourself tend to think that the entire world is looking at them and judging them. When in reality, people don’t care. It’s just you who is obsessing about your height, not other people.

    To repeat (and this is the last time I am replying to these kind of questions): those who know you know you are short and aren’t surprised by the photo. Those who don’t know you don’t care.

     

    #387162
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    I dont know if this sounds repeating the same statement or not (if i sound repeating the same statement you can just skip it): i know those who know me know that i’m short, but they didnt know how is my height compared to those girls in the pic… and my height with those girls in that pic are the same due to them wearing heels…. I can only hope that people who saw that pic understands that my height and them are the same is due to them wearing heels…

    One of the reasons why i like camouflaging my height is because it did work… like some of my friends used to state that i’m slightly taller than her.. whereas im actually more or less the same than her, i know that they know im short… but they still think that im taller than most girls (i dont know how to explain it clearly)…

     

    I ask one of my friends who know about my insecurity on what should i do with this situation, he told me the only way is to post a pic that i look taller than most girls, so that people will think i’m not really that short.

    I only can hope that they dont analyze too much when i post a pic of me and my friends on december later on… I know most people would say no one would really analyze that much and it’s just me overthinking…. but there is, there really is a person like that…. My ex crush is like that, it’s insane….

    I’ve been trying to keep my sanity for the past few days… i told myself anything to keep me calm, saying that i’m not worthless, this situation is harmless, taking a deep breath…. I guess it gonna took a while till i can heal from this situation….

    What also drives me crazy is that everything i did this year was a mess: how my friends posted a goofy pic of mine on my birthday, i posted my graduation pic like i had no friends and now this problem….(although i have calm myself for the previous problems)

    Tbh when im at the office i dont think as much as when im in my room at night…. I guess this is the reason why most people dont wanna stay too long being alone at their room… it causes much more overthinking than usual, but at night i have no choice but to be at my room right………

     

    I just stated everything above according based on what im thinking right now…. I just hope i can recover soon….usually as time passes, i’ll eventually recover sooner or later…

    #387166
    Tee
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    I guess it gonna took a while till i can heal from this situation….

    I just hope i can recover soon….usually as time passes, i’ll eventually recover sooner or later…

    You might stop thinking about this particular situation eventually, but there will be another one, and another one, and you will start thinking about those new situations and new photos…  so until you heal the core problem, it will never go away unfortunately.

    One of the reasons why i like camouflaging my height is because it did work… like some of my friends used to state that i’m slightly taller than her.. whereas im actually more or less the same than her, i know that they know im short… but they still think that im taller than most girls (i dont know how to explain it clearly)…

    And what if your friends would realize you are as tall as the girls, and not even slightly taller? Your usual anxiety would get triggered, because it makes you feel worthless and not good enough… so again, you’d need to deal with your core problem before you can really let go of obsessing about who thinks what about your height.

    #387184
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    I think today i just stop thinking about this particular situation, it’s due to last night i have difficulty sleeping and then suddenly i remembered how i use to be so confident back then (before my friend posted that goofy pic on my birthday 5 months ago).. i’m also insecure due to that “housing on development” post as i’m afraid people might misunderstood me, since that day i’ve stopped posting on social media…. I also labelled myself as having an unattractive face due to that insecurity

    I tried to wait for the right moment so that at that moment i’ll post the best pic of mine….. but then i tried taking a pic of me (at home) on different angles… but i still look unattractive… At that moment i realized how i’m confident back then.. it’s because at that time i know that my face will always stay like that, so i just posted anything i want…. And i gained a lot of friends by doing that tbh 🙂…. Idk why right now i turned out like this due to insecurity…..

    I think it’s also due to i’ve been trying to get my revenge to that “girl” who left me… i wanted to post the best pic of me after not posting for a long time so she’ll be shocked and she’ll regret leaving me….

    But tbh i’m confused, should i really post only the best pic of me so that i can attract girls on social media…. Or should i stay with my old mindset 🙂 (just post anything regardless how my face look in any angles).

    Because that’s the theory of social media right? We must post the perfect pic and there shouldnt be any flaws in that pic…

     

    I just realized yesterday that i was blinded by insecurity, like i cant think straight… it’s insane… i’m very very afraid back then… Now i’m back to myself before i’m so frustrated due to that goofy pics and the housing development posts….. I can’t believe i think “that way” for this past 5 months 😩…

    I’m so so delighted right now that i’m back to myself before that frustration…. I hope this isnt an unhealthy emotion transition im experiencing due to experiencing lots of struggling situations…. But right now i can say i gain my confidence on social media like i used to…

     

     

    You said:

    ”And what if your friends would realize you are as tall as the girls, and not even slightly taller? Your usual anxiety would get triggered, because it makes you feel worthless and not good enough… so again, you’d need to deal with your core problem before you can really let go of obsessing about who thinks what about your height.”

    = Can i really get ride of the core problem if i still wanna wear tall shoes/sandals? Or i can wear it, but i must accept if my friends find out how tall i am when im barefoot?

    • This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by Felix.
    #387188
    Tee
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    Can i really get ride of the core problem if i still wanna wear tall shoes/sandals? Or i can wear it, but i must accept if my friends find out how tall i am when im barefoot?

    You can wear tall shoes – it’s similar to women wearing make-up to look better. What’s unhealthy is when you start freaking out if you appear short in a photo. In this recent situation, you started having an extreme reaction – you hit the wall, screamed and couldn’t calm yourself down.

    If a woman would start panicking if people saw her without her make-up, you would probably agree that it’s an overreaction. Same as you: if you wear tall shoes to camouflage your height – fine. But if you freak out when the camouflage doesn’t succeed – that’s what’s not healthy.

    #387190
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Yeah if my situation is compared to girls wearing make-up.. i agree it’s an overreaction… but sometimes i just can’t control it even if i dont want to feel that way… I hope i can keep my mind straight if anything like that happens again.

    As for regarding camouflaging my height, there is an issue that i’m trying to fix since few years back… but i think this issue is still the same as the main core… the issue is that i’m always afraid to visit other people’s house because i need to be barefoot…. I always skip going to anyone’s houses because they’ll notice my height… i only go to one of my friend’s house which is my closest friend, because he knows my insecurity and height… other than him i won’t….

    But if i want to have a partner one day, i’ll need to visit her house and meet with her family barefoot…. This is something that i’ve been trying to solve for a long time…. Because i imagine if i meet date with a girl using tall shoes and then when i go to her house barefoot.. she’ll notice it 🙂… i guess i’ll have to prepare myself mentally regarding that situation that might happen in the future…

     

    Tbh there is something that i’m curious about, i always feel more calmer and i can think more logically at night than in the day, does this applies to all people? Do u experience the same way too TeaK?

    • This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by Felix.
    #387242
    Felix
    Participant

    *continuation from the previous post*

    As for the camouflaging my height, do u think sooner or late there’ll be moment i failed doing it? Because i’ve been trying to do it careful all these years but in the end still did some mistakes.

    #387243
    Tee
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    As for the camouflaging my height, do u think sooner or late there’ll be moment i failed doing it? Because i’ve been trying to do it careful all these years but in the end still did some mistakes.

    You’ve already failed, e.g. in the recent photo that you freaked about:

    in that pic i look so short, more shorter than usual… because in most pics i always find a good angle for me to look taller but in yesterday’s situation i failed. I look really really short, and the girl beside me was the same height as me and the boy beside me was 15cm taller than me

    I guess you did have tall shoes, and yet, at that angle, and standing near a really tall guy, you looked shorter than usual. And there will be moments like that in the future as well, no doubt. That’s why I said you need to heal the core wound, if you want to be free from such extreme reactions.

    I wouldn’t like to talk about this topic any more, and answering the same questions over and over again. Please do seek professional help next time you encounter a similar, triggering situation.

     

    #387797
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply.

    I’ve stopped thinking on that matter… thank you for hearing me out that time… It was really a dark period for me, and i wont discuss about that topic anymore.

     

    Right now i’m trying to improve my facial looks… may i share about it?

    As i feel i have several facial features due to genetics that makes me unattractive.

    #387806
    Tee
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    Right now i’m trying to improve my facial looks… may i share about it?

    As i feel i have several facial features due to genetics that makes me unattractive.

    You’ve already shared about one of your front teeth, which is bent backwards, which makes you feel unattractive:

    One of my front teeth’s position is in backwards… so everytime i smile… in the picture it’ll look like i have a missing tooth. I’m a person who tends to complain.. i’m worried that if i get braces later on i’ll complain… because if i really use braces i think the dentist will sacrifice that one tooth (backwards position) to be able to place the braces…. So if i stop before finishing my braces completely… i’ll have a missing front tooth…. And i believe if i stop midway like that.. and i have a missing tooth.. it’ll cause myself a lot of anxiety later on

    Right there you’ve described your problem very well: you are a person who tends to complain and worry about things. You are unhappy with your tooth being bent backward, but you also worry that if you decide to wear braces, you’d be unhappy too. So you are “damned if you do and damned if you don’t”, as the saying goes. With your current mindset, there is unfortunately nothing I can tell you that can help you become more satisfied with your looks. You’ll worry about something regardless.

    That’s why, Felix, I can’t help you while you are in your current mindset. You’d need to change the mindset, i.e. work on your low self-esteem, because that’s the only way to stop obsessing about your perceived “inadequacies”.

    • This reply was modified 11 months ago by Tee.
    #387808
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    As for the braces, i’ve decided to consult a dentist in a few days… i’ve been postponing on my decision to wear one because of how my parents tend to tell me that i look fine and that it’ll affect my eating diet as they worry about me….

    But i decide to tell them that i’m sure of my decision… i want it for myself and i dont want to regret later on… regarding the pain, as it’s my decision i will take responsibility of it myself.

     

    The other part of my facial features is regarding my facial structure, along with my cheeks and eyebrows… Those 3 combinations make me look like an angry person… as i have chubby cheeks and a thick eyebrows… I’m not trying to contain my mind with self-esteem again… it’s that i want to improve myself… just like how “fat” people trying to do exercise to lose their fats.

    As for teeth it’s easier to find a solution which is by wearing braces… but i cant change my facial structure…

    Regarding my cheeks, i’m trying the loss cheeks fat exercise on youtube, i hope it works…

    And for my eyebrows i just bought an eyebrow trimmer… i trim some parts of my eyebrows.. but my face still looks scary…

     

    As you just said that i need to change my mindset, all of what i’m mentioning above is what i’m trying to do now to improve my self-esteem.

    I’m also working on myself to stop complaining and start finding solutions.

    #387809
    Felix
    Participant

    If i still sound repeating the same thing, u can just ignore my thread above. I’ll keep improving my self-esteem… and also thank you for all the advices u gave me… sometimes when i feel lost/confused i re-read it.

    #387812
    Tee
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    As for the braces, i’ve decided to consult a dentist in a few days…

    Good, make sure you also ask him about your dilemmas and whether it will affect your eating, so you know what to expect.

    As for teeth it’s easier to find a solution which is by wearing braces… but i cant change my facial structure…

    No, you can’t, it would be the same like changing your height. You’d need to accept your facial structure…

    Regarding my cheeks, i’m trying the loss cheeks fat exercise on youtube, i hope it works…

    I also had full cheeks when I was your age, and was unhappy because of it. With aging, it tends to dry up, so now I wouldn’t mind some extra fat in my cheeks. Things change over time, and the way we look at them… What you now hate, you may love and miss some day… at least that’s how it was with me.

    I’ll keep improving my self-esteem… and also thank you for all the advices u gave me… sometimes when i feel lost/confused i re-read it.

    I am glad it helped you and you’re still finding it useful. When working on your self-esteem, please start from within, from the inner feeling. That will enable you to look at yourself differently, to accept yourself better, including your reflection in the mirror.

     

    #387813
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    “Good, make sure you also ask him about your dilemmas and whether it will affect your eating, so you know what to expect.“

    = Yep, this is what i had in my mind when i decided to go to the dentist. I’ll surely discuss about this matter.

     

    “I also had full cheeks when I was your age, and was unhappy because of it. With aging, it tends to dry up, so now I wouldn’t mind some extra fat in my cheeks. Things change over time, and the way we look at them… What you now hate, you may love and miss some day… at least that’s how it was with me.“

    = So when you’re unhappy with ur full cheeks you didn’t do anything about it and just accept it? As when i’m researching about chubby cheeks i saw most girls nowadays consult a beauty specialist to have their fat in their cheeks removed… and it really changed their jawline. Most of them are happy with the changes.

Viewing 15 posts - 166 through 180 (of 185 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.