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Need some advice, as im so frustrated

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  • #381690
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    I am glad you liked the scratching the itch analogy, and that it helped you understand your mind better. Also, that you’ll do some jogging or walking in the near future. Do you have some green areas in the vicinity of your housing complex?

    it really has a positive effect on me like from the girl problem i can finally realize that i’ve been so close minded that i only focused on getting her attention without realizing that i’m embarrassing myself, now i’m always looking at something in a bigger picture. .. I finally know that i dont need to get unnecessary attention to be happy.

    That’s great, Felix, that you don’t have this craving to impress anyone, including the girl you liked, and that you don’t need other people’s approval to be happy. That’s truly precious!

    But to realized all of this, i’ve to suffer pain… does this world really works this way? Like in order to be a better person we’ve to go through pain and struggles? Does there really a person who become a better person without pain and struggles?

    Yes, the world and us people really work like that. We only change when we’re forced to. We only learn on our own mistakes (and sometimes not even then!), and not on other people’s mistakes. Some spiritual traditions call it “the school of hard knocks”. And also, we grow and become better people through pain and struggle. That’s the law of life.

    Rare are the people who spontaneously realize that they could improve their character. We’re usually faced with relationship problems, or fears and anxiety, or anger management issues, or the inability to advance in our career because of low self-esteem etc etc – and this forces us to change. There’s always some problem, some obstacle we face, and in order to overcome it, we need to change. That’s life, that’s how growth happens.

    i’m hoping that i’m taking the right path in being a better and more mature person as i grow older. Also i hope this right path will save my dignity after all that embarrassment on social media (pls say yes 🙂)

    You’re becoming more and more self-aware, Felix, and it’s a pleasure to see. You’ve understood some of your childhood programming, and why your self-esteem was so low. You’re now slowly but surely developing self-esteem, learning that you’re worthy, that you don’t need other people’s approval to feel good about yourself. You’re also willing to work on yourself, gain a sense of accomplishment, work toward calming your anxious mind etc. You’re on the right path, Felix, and are getting more mature with every passing day.

    We can change – that’s the beauty of being human. You’re changing, you’re becoming more and more of your true self. Just keep going, with lots of patience and compassion for yourself, doing little steps that will make you feel good internally, happy and pleased about yourself, and more and more at peace… As I said, I am rooting for you!

     

    #381856
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for replying my thoughts.

     

    You said:

    “Also, that you’ll do some jogging or walking in the near future. Do you have some green areas in the vicinity of your housing complex?”

    = No there are no green areas in the vicinity of my housing complex, but mostly only few cars passing by…. due to not many residents in my housing complex…. Therefore, i can do the jogging in the complex.

     

    You said:

    “That’s great, Felix, that you don’t have this craving to impress anyone, including the girl you liked, and that you don’t need other people’s approval to be happy. That’s truly precious!”

    = Tbh right now i have a plan to post on my instagram in the future, which is a pic of me as i plan to attract people with it and also to spark some jealousy for that girl… do u think this is wrong? Is this a sign that i havent moved on from her?

    Because ever since she stopped chatting with me, she keeps posting pics of her…. idk if it’s to attract attention or not…. and suddenly there’s a sense of rivalry coming out from me….. like i won’t lose to her. She’s lucky that she’s a girl, that she can post selfies on normal occasion to attract attention, whereas me as a boy i cant post selfies everyday right, i’ll be weird…. and i also dont like doing selfies.

    And this october she’ll enter uni, i bet she’ll post more pics on her instagram stories…..i bet on october i’ll rant about her here again 😂. Is this a wrong decision for me, will i regret it?

     

    The picture that i want to post later on will be a holiday pic of me (as right now due to covid, i cant go on holiday.. therefore i cant post any pics)… it’ll be a pic of me without wearing my glasses. I want to said this because i dont want to end up the same mistakes regretting and beating up myself again…. i wanna think through about this before regretting later on. Right now as i’m thinking about that plan, i have a feeling i can feel regret later on…. as most people now me as a “glasses person”, i’d feel that i can be judged when i post that pic later on, like boys could think im trying hard to look handsome in which im not and there could be a possibility girls dont like it….. also on daily basis im still using my glasses… i never took them off….. this is only due to wanting to post that pic to attract attention…. as in my opinion i have a “better” looking without glasses…. although i still dont know if people will look at me as “better looking” later on or not.

    Also if i post that pic, people might think im not wearing glasses anymore….. it’d be tiring for me to explain to people on by one… As i really hate being misunderstood by people.

    I thought of this plan because i remember most of my friends used to post an embarrassing (as a joke) pic of me on their instagram stories on my birthday…… and also as i used to said in my previous threads that i also used to post something which caused me to embarrassed myself…. i want to get rid of it.

     

    Although i write all of this, i’m still on the same mindset as before which is to improve myself.

     

    #381916
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    when you start analyzing your idea of posting a photo of yourself without glasses, you slip right into obsessive thinking. You want to post it because you think you look better without glasses, but then you immediately come up with various scenarios of how people might react, and how either of your choices (to post or not to post) might backfire. You create a huge mountain of potential problems, which causes you anxiety and wastes your time and energy – your precious time and energy that you could use for something productive. Thinking in this way isn’t helpful – it’s your internal saboteur.

    You asked me if it’s wrong to post a picture of yourself without glasses sometime in the future. As we’ve discussed before, what’s important when you post is your intention. If you intend to attract attention so to receive praise and validation from people – because without it you feel bad about yourself – then it’s not a good intention. Because it comes from your wound, from a place of lack. Or if your intention is to make that girl jealous – it also comes from a wounded place, not from a place of healthy self-esteem.

    The only good motivation to post a photo without glasses, in my opinion, is if you’ve switched to contact lenses, and this is your new look. Otherwise, if you post it just because you think you look better without glasses – but you wear glasses all the time – I don’t see much point. People might ask you “oh have you switched to contact lenses? And then you’d need to answer “no, I just posted it because…”, and you might find yourself in an awkward situation because you probably don’t want to admit publicly that you think you look better without glasses. So it might cause you unnecessary embarrassment, i.e. unwanted attention.

    So whatever you post, ask yourself: what’s my motivation? If it comes from your wound, from needing people’s validation because you feel bad about yourself – don’t post it.

     

    #381917
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    If it’s a holiday picture, say you’re on a beach, it’s okay if it’s without glasses because it gives an appropriate context – e.g. you’re on a beach, sitting in a beach chair, enjoying yourself. I think in that case no one would be surprised to see you without glasses. So you could achieve what you wanted: attract attention (possibly to your better looks without glasses) without bringing yourself into an awkward situation.

    But in that case too, even if posting the photo is “legit”, one thing will happen for sure: you’ll be obsessively thinking about people’s reactions, and the internal saboteur will take over. You won’t be able to feel good about yourself, thinking “I am handsome” and be pleased about yourself, but you’ll worry incessantly. That’s why there’s no point in posting if it will cause you endless worry and anxiety. On the contrary, if you could say to yourself “you know, I am handsome and I want to show it to the world” – then no problem, go ahead and post it.

    You see what I mean? Post only if you’re confident about yourself, not if your confidence depends on other people’s reactions.

     

    #382059
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for replying my thoughts.

    As you’ve analyzed:

    “The only good motivation to post a photo without glasses, in my opinion, is if you’ve switched to contact lenses, and this is your new look. Otherwise, if you post it just because you think you look better without glasses – but you wear glasses all the time – I don’t see much point. People might ask you “oh have you switched to contact lenses? And then you’d need to answer “no, I just posted it because…”, and you might find yourself in an awkward situation because you probably don’t want to admit publicly that you think you look better without glasses. So it might cause you unnecessary embarrassment, i.e. unwanted attention.”

    = Thankfully you explained to me, as i could end up in an awkward situation…. as i’ll have to explain that i look better without glasses and i’ll just end up getting consumed by the internal saboteur again. Now i just need to find myself a way to look good with my glasses on…. but i’ll still in a very long time i guess….. as i cant go on holidays now due to covid.

    Tbh this whole idea came up mostly to make that girl jealous and also a bit to get other’s praise (as i’ve said in previous threads).

    It’s because this girl suddenly starts to many pics of her in instagram (it could be daily)…. and there is a pic in which she posted in an outfit and she write a caption stating that “does she look like this actress?” . That actress is one of my favourite actress, as when we’re close i used to tell her. Like why would she do that when we’ve ended? Idk what’s her purpose in posting many pics…. is it to attract boys? Or is it to show people that her instagram is beautiful? As she enters uni in october and she’ll meet many new people.

    Also her pose and outfits starts to change idk why…. i used to love her due to her innocent personality…. and now it looks like she changed a bit in her styles. Like her outfit and pose look like it intended to attract guys. Whereas she’s a girl who’s forbid by her parents to be in a relationship and she also said that she feels bad if boys have a crush on her… because it wont happen as she cant be in a relationship.

    So here is recently what im feeling towards her:

    I’ve lost majority of my feelings for her…. mostly after i saw her posting those kind of pics…. but the obsession is still there… like i stop imagining to have relationships with her…. but i still get mad if she posts a pic of herself…. like i keep thinking that she has it easy to find a new male for her…. just take selfies everyday and she’ll get one (although you’ve explained it to me in the previous threads that it’s because i would feel lucky if there were someone who thinks like that of me, as someone never had this positive thoughts on me)

    It’s not that im jealous of the male, it’s just that i feel mad that i wanna rival her to make her jealous too…..(although i know it’s not good for my own self-esteem, i’m just explaining my feeling here). What do u think of this girl behavior, can u seem to analyzed it? Is she actually an attention seeking girl?

    And also i have a guess that when she enters uni later on, her posts will be way more worse than right now…. like a whole new level of attention seeking…. or am i wrong?

    Also i think she’s a coquettish girl, maybe because she knows she’s pretty and she’s making use of it.

    She always said that she feels bad that boys like her, as she’d hurt them as she cant be in a relationship… but all she did on social media is attention seeking…. i still feel bad for myself that i keep getting hurt due to her in the past.

    This year we still text each other birthday wishes… but that’s the only message that we texted this year… as we ended last year. Do u think i should just stop looking liking her pics and viewing her stories for good? And also stop wishing her birthday for good? As if i do that she’ll realize that i don’t want to have any business anymore with her…. or should i keep just texting her birthday every year, but still in a mindset to find another girl.

    Once again, i apologize if i keep explaining about this girl 😂

     

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Felix.
    #382061
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear Teak,

    *continuation from above thread*

    Also she made her instagram profile public, if she feels bad that boys will fall for her… shouldnt she just make it private? I’m correct right?

    Should i really just show her that i dont care about her anymore? Even as friends?

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Felix.
    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Felix.
    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Felix.
    #382105
    Felix
    Participant

    After having a deep thoughts with myself,

    I just realized that i havent lost feelings for her, i desperately need help in this… otherwise i’m really gonna feel hurt every single day.

    I guess the only way is to stop looking at her social media and also have a mindset to accept that it’ll be okay if she met a new guy in the future. Because every time i saw her instagram stories in which she posted daily, the thoughts of hoping her in the future is still there. I really really need to accept that my life with her has ended for good… and also stop texting her (even if it’s only a birthday wish)…. I just hope that i can do this… because to stop thinking about her after 5 years is gonna be hard and also painful.

    #382119
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    What do u think of this girl behavior, can u seem to analyzed it? Is she actually an attention seeking girl?

    It appears she is seeking attention, frequently posting selfies, asking questions like “do I look like this actress?”, posing in more provocative outfits… Earlier she told you she doesn’t want to seek attention of the opposite sex, since her parents forbid her to be in a relationship, but maybe now that she isn’t going to live with her parents any more, she feels freer and more keen to attract attention.

    What’s for sure is that she ‘s changed, and you don’t even like that change, because you liked it when she was modest and now she became coquettish. Maybe she’s not the same person you once knew – or maybe she didn’t show you this coquettish, attention seeking side before.

    In any case, I think it would be for your own good to unsubscribe from her instagram, because she’s only provoking anxiety and jealousy in you. You say that when you see those photos, you are hoping for a future with her. But the reality is that she directly told you not to expect anything from her, and she stopped chatting with you. She’s young, is going to soon live away from her parents, and is probably keen to explore life. You cannot make her stop, you cannot change her behavior, you cannot do anything but accept that her path is different than yours.

    The only thing you can do is to unsubscribe from her instagram and untangle yourself from her, because she has a bad influence on you. What might help you is to know that she’s different from the girl you knew and liked in the past, and her  current self isn’t even attractive to you – except for the physical looks. But her personality is not attractive to you any more, so try to focus on that and let her go.

     

    #382120
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply.

    I’ll try to focus on her personality that i dont like… to make it easier to move on…I hope this time it works. It’s so giving me a headache.

    And also with the advice you given, that means i shouldnt text her birthday wishes anymore is it?Even though this year we wish each other after separated. Like completely no contact right?

     

    But why do you think she’s provoking jealousy in me? Like i didnt text her anything besides birthday wish and she provokes me like that… I didnt do anything wrong.

    Tbh i cant understand girls anymore after i saw her change like that… like i used to be with her for 5 years and never expect someone modest to become that coquettish. Also do u think if someone has become coquettish like that, do u think it’ll only become more coquettish through time?

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Felix.
    #382127
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    But why do you think she’s provoking jealousy in me? Like i didnt text her anything besides birthday wish and she provokes me like that… I didnt do anything wrong.

    I don’t think she’s doing that to provoke you, I doubt it’s a targeted behavior against you. It’s just that her behavior is causing a reaction in you. But it’s not her fault, since she’s not your girlfriend and she hasn’t obliged to be loyal to you, or anything like that. Still, since her behavior disturbs you, it’s better not to be subscribed to her posts.

    As for birthday wishes, I don’t know. If her birthday is earlier than yours, you may want to wait and see if she congratulates you, and if she does, you can wish her happy birthday too. But do that only if you don’t have any expectations from her. Also, if she congratulates you, don’t start thinking that she wants to be with you. It may only be that she considers you an old friend, and out of politeness and because it was a custom for many years, she keeps the custom – but nothing more than that.

    Tbh i cant understand girls anymore after i saw her change like that… like i used to be with her for 5 years and never expect someone modest to become that coquettish. Also do u think if someone has become coquettish like that, do u think it’ll only become more coquettish through time?

    She was only 14 when you met her, practically a child still. She’s grown since, and no wonder she’s changing. Perhaps this seeking attention is only a phase too. I don’t know if she will remain like that, and if that’s her way of boosting her self-esteem, but what’s sure is that she’s still very young and she might change further as she gets older. It’s too early to tell.

    What’s certain is that there’s no point in expecting anything from her, and also torturing yourself with what she does or doesn’t post on social media. Instead, focus on yourself, on accomplishing things, exercising etc. This will slowly but surely help you build your self-esteem and make you feel better about yourself, and will reduce your anxiety about her too.

     

    #382545
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply and advices,

    After reading your advice a week ago, i decided to “bid final farewell to her”…. i post a picture of a quote which states “i know you miss her but you deserve better”. I post it on my close friend list, so only she can view it. At that time i’ve convinced myself to move on even though i know it hurts and it’ll be torturing.

    But then she suddenly texts me, asking what do i mean with those words and how i was doing….. and then we also talk about her confession that day…. she states that she hasnt forgotten about me…. and she has been posting on her instagram stories to get my attention (although her intention is still the same, she doesnt want to go back with me at that time)…

    She said at that time she asks both of us to leave each other because she viewed a “relationship” as a serious matter, and she imagine she can only be in a relationship after graduating uni….. and she said that “if” i’m still single when she graduated later on… she’ll find me….. and it’s on 2025 😐. Like how can she plan it like that……. she said it’s because on uni (the uni is in a city 45 minutes by boat from our city). Later on that city she’ll live with her aunt…. she said she’s afraid of their judgements… and she has 6 aunts there….. in which all of them could talk about her….. because her aunt keeps saying to her when she goes to uni later on…. just find a husband in her uni’s city….. as her most of her aunt do that…… and because her dad is the “little brother” of most of her aunt….. her aunt keeps giving advice like that to her dad….. and she said it gives pressure to her……

    She said she’d wait till she graduate because she’d be free by then…. not living with her aunt anymore…… but i said to her what if on 2025 i’ve found another person to love. She said if that happens, then she’ll move on….

    But she said when we stop texting each other… she keeps thinking because both of us have known each other for a long time, she’d regret not try dating with me…. like she feels like she could miss a great opportunity and i also felt that.

    Long story short, we decided to reconcile….

    But, as she havent entered uni yet (it’s on this october)… she said we cant date yet and we can only chat by phone like how we use to do…. because she doesnt want to tell her parents yet….. she said that after she went to her uni’s city she can be more freer and we can meet up…. maybe on her 2nd/3rd year (2023 or 2024)….. but she’s still confused on how she’ll deal with her aunts later on…

    And also due to covid cases keeps rapidly increasing in my city she cant predict when she can go to that city for uni….. and also as for now the uni said the lectures will be online, because there’s still covid cases too in that city (the city is a different country than ours).

    And we’re texting each other everyday.

    Now i’m so confused, i dont want to get hurt again…. but i also feel tortured losing her…… but with this kind of situation i’m so confused…..

    Like she said she can only meet up on her 2nd or 3rd year which is 2023 or 2024…. like it’s too long….. although actually i can do that….. because i prefer her staying in this city than going to that city although we can meet up later on…. i’m afraid she can meet new boys there and suddenly she might leave me, but if she’s graduating on 2025…. i’m sure at some point she’ll go to her uni’s city, like it’s impossible she stays at home studying online till 2025…… i keep thinking she might leave me… because i know she’s still immature and young and also because we can’t predict right? Like she has the coquettish behavior, also she havent experienced uni, and also havent experienced leaving with her aunt…… too many uncertainties……

    Also tbh the last time we met is when she’s still shorter than me…. and because i keep wearing tall shoes, i bet she thinks im taller than her…. because i remember she said that im tall (and i immediately switch topics when we discussed that). Even though idk what is her exact height, im pretty sure we are the same height….. idk if she’ll accept me…. maybe i can fake my height when we date later on with tall shoes… but if one day she asks me to visit her aunt’s/parents home….. she’ll notice it…..

    Like i’m on my journey on accepting my height, but due to this circumstances, the insecurities came back…… Tbh right now i prefer girls who are shorter than me…. but i already end up liking this girl and it’s torturing to forget about her.

     

    One of my friend whom i told this situation, she said i should try harder for this girl 😐. She said that god keeps leading me a way to keep contacting with her, and show me a way that i should try harder…. idk if it’s true tho.

     

    What do u think i should do in this situation, do u have some advices? Should i solve these issues on by one? Which steps should i take? Like should i leave her or continue with her……

    From all the threads before in which i’ve explained everything about her, i’m sure u can understand my situation……….

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 4 days ago by Felix.
    #382677
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    she’s not being fair with you because she can’t promise you anything about the future, she’s telling you to wait for 2 years to even start dating, she’s throwing you a bait about some possible (and as you say, highly uncertain) relationship many years from now. It’s one big nothing.

    She probably just needs attention, and so far you’ve been her greatest fan, and now as she’s losing it, she wants it back. She doesn’t want you, but your attention and you pining for her. That probably makes her feel better about herself and boosts her self-esteem. It’s her ego, not a real interest in you.

    If I were you, I wouldn’t agree on it by any means. It’s just going to end up in disappointment and you being anxious about her for the next 4-5 years.

    One of my friend whom i told this situation, she said i should try harder for this girl. She said that god keeps leading me a way to keep contacting with her, and show me a way that i should try harder….

    No, it’s not God who is leading you – it’s her who contacted you after she realized she’s losing your attention. As I said, it’s her hurt ego at work, nothing more.

    Like i’m on my journey on accepting my height, but due to this circumstances, the insecurities came back……

    It’s understandable that your insecurities came back, because a part of you wants to impress her, because she’s making you believe she is interested in you. But as I said, my impression is that she’s not interested in you but in your attention. So the best would be to free yourself from her – to wish her well and go your separate ways. If you’re meant to be together in 4-5 years, it will happen. But right now, it would be a bad choice to stay attached to her.

     

    #382683
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply.

     

    You said:

    “she’s not being fair with you because she can’t promise you anything about the future, she’s telling you to wait for 2 years to even start dating, she’s throwing you a bait about some possible (and as you say, highly uncertain) relationship many years from now. It’s one big nothing.

    She probably just needs attention, and so far you’ve been her greatest fan, and now as she’s losing it, she wants it back. She doesn’t want you, but your attention and you pining for her. That probably makes her feel better about herself and boosts her self-esteem. It’s her ego, not a real interest in you.”

    = Tbh it’s also the other way around… like i always feel like i need her attention. She told me to wait for 2 year, i actually know that it is true and i can guarantee that in 2 years she wont be in a relationship….. but i know her behaviour… especially with her new coquettish behaviour, i’m really sure she will post to gain attention from people on instagram…. and it’ll most likely cause boys to get attracted to her… this is what i’m mostly anxious about….

    Also when we text each other for the past few days… i really really forget about my regrets and embarrassment….. although actually i also dont really like her family (on how she explains to me about her family)….. but i always read that if two person love each other, they can find solutions to overcome the obstacles.

    I also have the thoughts of stop chatting with her…. like i really want to leave her (due to how she explains about her family, also due to that i’ll feel anxious for the next few years)…. but when i tried to stop chatting her for a day…. it feels like a struggle and the thoughts of the embarrassment and regret of social media came back..

     

    You said:

    “If I were you, I wouldn’t agree on it by any means. It’s just going to end up in disappointment and you being anxious about her for the next 4-5 years.”

    = Yes i’m really sure most people would say this…. but idk why my brain always keep telling me that she’s the only “attractive” girl that i can hope for. For the past 9 months when i stop chatting with her, i tried to get close to girls and i failed…. when i failed i always have thoughts of her…. like i should just push my limits for her rather than trying other girls….. Maybe it’s due to my self-esteem (like what u used to said before).

    Also i think it’s due to i feel like i’ve messed up on social media (like how i used to embarrassed myself which cause people to look at me as unattractive).

    Like i also have thoughts of even if i wait or separate with her…… i can bet that she’ll still be in my head. 😐

    I feel like i cant be free of her in my thoughts……

    I also feel like if she’s considering having relationship with me (although it’s still on 2023)…. i should go for it to see if it works or not….. because i dont think i’ll be in a relationship in 2023 if i separated with her (based on what i’ve tried for the past 9 months) as i have difficulties in chasing girls.

     

    You said:

    “It’s understandable that your insecurities came back, because a part of you wants to impress her, because she’s making you believe she is interested in you. But as I said, my impression is that she’s not interested in you but in your attention. So the best would be to free yourself from her – to wish her well and go your separate ways. If you’re meant to be together in 4-5 years, it will happen. But right now, it would be a bad choice to stay attached to her.”

    = If i really go out with her, how do u think i should cope with this insecurities? As she havent realized of my height.

     

    Even after all my explanations here, is ur advice still the same as before? Which is to leave her? As i wanna have some thoughts with myself before making the decision.

    #382718
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    She told me to wait for 2 year, i actually know that it is true and i can guarantee that in 2 years she wont be in a relationship…..

    Did she promise you anything about the future? For example, did she tell you that she loves you and wants to be with you, but that the only obstacle is her family, i.e. her aunt at whose place she’ll be living, and that that’s why she asks you to wait for her?

    If she didn’t say anything of the kind, but asked you to wait because she doesn’t want to lose your attention and interest in her, and/or doesn’t want to lose you as a potential backup solution in case she doesn’t find any other boy – then no, you should definitely not wait for her or stay in a relationship with her.

    A while ago she told you not to expect anything from her. Probably that’s still true – that she isn’t willing to promise you anything, and yet she is trying to make you remain “faithful” to her, in case she needs you in the future. I think it’s quite selfish of her.

    my brain always keep telling me that she’s the only “attractive” girl that i can hope for. For the past 9 months when i stop chatting with her, i tried to get close to girls and i failed…

    That’s your low self-esteem – that’s why you believe she’s the only girl who’ll ever show interest in you. But if you work on your self-esteem, this will change and you won’t need to depend on her…

     

    #382749
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply.

     

    She did say that she loves me and imagining us dating…(idk if she’s saying this with her adult mindset or she’s still immature).

    Tbh the problem is not only about her aunt. Recently, she said to me she asks her mom… like for example “what if she’s in love with someone right now and that person loves her too”, her mom said that you are still too young to be in a relationship… and her mom advice her to be in a relationship when she’s graduated from uni later on as she’s more mature by then….

    Actually her mom used to advice her with those words… and she always thought that she’ll only like someone after graduating uni… but she never expect that she’ll like me… that’s why she’s confused right now…. I also never thought that how i used to text her daily for the past few years would cause her to like me.

     

    Although this time when she doesnt wanna let me go, when i heard she said that her mom said that she’s too young… i suddenly lost my mood and feel empty… like i think it’s pointless if i keep pushing for her… as she’s gonna live with her aunt later on and definitely her mum will end up finding out she’s dating with me….

    Like i feel why do i need to get through this hardship only for a date…. Also later on i need to handle my insecurities…. Like i cant even handle my insecurities, and being with her i need to struggle with these hardships only to get a date. The only thing that still keeps pushing for her all this time because i often heard that one mustnt give up to get a relationship, especially if the feelings are mutual.

    Tbh i’ll definitely get hurt when i leave her but thinking about all the struggles here is also painful…. Maybe it’s because the gap of our age is too far….Although i know she’s also trying to find a solution for us.
    I never thought that it’s really this difficult to get a “date” with someone…. I noticed most of my friends had it easy to get a date.. as long as both parties agreed…

    If only she’s not that pretty… i’m really sure i can move on easily.

    I can feel that day by day i’m getting tired of her due to this complicated situation…. Although i can still sense my obsession of her.

     

    I keep thinking that in this situation, she’s more advantageous than me… i’m correct right? Like i have to adapt with her “relationship issue” situation… whereas i never demand her anything regarding my situation.

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 6 days ago by Felix.
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