Dear Damien:

I think that you have a good understanding of her and the situation, and that you have the right attitude. Seems to me that, like you suggested, what will work best for you (and for her) is that you “remain a bit distant”, so that you don’t appear to her to be too needy of her, too dependent on her (she doesn’t need that pressure, feeling guilty and otherwise burdened). Also,  that you notice her facial expressions/ body language/ tone of voice so that you can adjust your behavior best you can. If you are not sure what a frown or a smile means, or the meaning of what she says to you, you can ask her simply and directly.

Better that you talk less than more. An anxious and depressed person can not handle too many words being thrown at them: it gets to be too much too soon. Also, guard the expressions of your emotions, for the same reason: an anxious and depressed person gets overwhelmed by another’s strong emotions.

Talk less but make what you say meaningful. When you share about yourself in regard to.. let’s say being sad and lonely and such- keep it short. Keep smiling at her reassuringly, giving her the message in your smile (as well as your tone of voice and words) that she can be herself with you, no pressure, no  expectations or demands that she says certain things or acts in certain ways. Let her know that you are okay with her just as she is, be it anxious, confused, sad, etc.

anita