You appear to be at constant war with yourself

Though first you have to define “yourself” cause i got no definition

If you say its your nature, basic needs, dreams and desires, i wouldn’t agree, because i don’t like to be told who to be, or what to be, i will be an animal in people eyes, just because i want to, now the good question would be, why? Why i want such thing? Is this why can be changed? No, why? Cause the person having this, sees no problem with it, what else to do then? Tell me, peter, whats the next logical step? .

You make my point as your reply is a contradiction: ‘I’ want change, ‘I’ cant change, ‘I’ don’t want to change.  The ‘I’ does not exit, the self does not exit??? Only you can define the word self, and I will assume you will do so to make it small and refuse to allow the word to be transparent and expansive.

We are smaller then small and bigger then big, – As above so below, As below so above – the riddle of the philosopher’s stone can only be answered by the one asking it. Who are you? What is the self? What is this ‘I’ that forces its way into any dialog of experience? Who had the experience, What had the experience?  ‘I’  not the ego, not thoughts, not emotions, not even experiences, only a means to communicate.

You desire dialog while determined not to look past your certainties,

I have no certainties, only doubts, lots and lots of doubts, about everything and anything, a never ending doubt.

Your responses in all the posts you’ve written have never verified. I can only conclude that that is only possible when someone is certain in their answers in order to banish doubts. I imagine you only imagine you have doubts.  So where is your doubt?

A person that can accept the reality that nothing is certain and learns to embraces doubt would not experience so much existential angst. Perhaps that is the next ‘logical’ step – practice embracing the doubt you assume your living in.

I was thinking about what I said about the relation of  fear, courage, doubt, and faith. That faith is that something you lean on when you don’t know, aren’t certain and doubt.  Anyone who has not given in to death leans on something even if they don’t know what. You mentioned curiosity. I like that. Curiosity,  something around the corner my attract our attention, even surprise… Curiosity, maybe the next moment will be different. I often lean on that in dark uncertain moments and wonder if that is not a kind of faith.

Curiosity, I think implies hope, even skillful hope…I  know your going to hate that and being at war with yourself imagine that you will refuse to associate hope with curiosity. If choice is possible, perhaps that is one, even a next step. If ‘its’ all illusion pick a good one.