Dear Lindsey:

“Do you think that we subconsciously push things or people away?  Like our brain knows something isn’t healthy and it tells your brain how to behave so that person goes away?“-

-I think that when we say/do things that turn people off to us, like messaging too often, or talking too much without paying attention to what we say, it is not because we want to push people away consciously or subconsciously. It is because we are impulsive. We feel some fear or desperation and we react to it impulsively. Thing is, impulsivity often leads to saying and doing things that turn people off, or harm relationships. We have to pay attention to what we say and do!

“So the other evening I started asking him personal questions about his childhood and to be honest one statement that was just weird lol.  Like I couldn’t really explain what I was trying to say to him.  I believe this was off putting to him.  Especially since he’s not interested.  This is really a good thing that he has not messaged since“- I figure you weren’t paying attention to what you were saying, so you said something weird. But maybe, in this example, part of you didn’t care if he will be turned off to you, so you were especially inattentive to what you said to him.

“Also a very weird situation happened this past Friday.  It was Aiden’s baseball end of season party… the ex girlfriend says to me here’s Aiden’s back pack and walks over with it…. I looked over and all the parents were standing in a crowd laughing and talking with my ex and his girlfriend. So I just got up and left“-

– I don’t like your ex’s girlfriend and I understand why you don’t either. She is someone unpleasant that you have to endure in your life because she is with your children’s dad. What can you possibly do in the situation you described.. you can’t control what people say and what they laugh about. Maybe they were not talking and laughing about you and maybe they were. I am sorry that you are in this situation, I wish life was easier for you and better for your mental health and that of your kids!

anita