Dear Shoob:

“I’ve heard of studies of shorter men having more dating struggles, work struggles and just a general sense of unattractiveness“-

– For such studies to be scientifically accurate and reliable, there needs to be .. let’s say 100 men of different heights (some short, others tall) who otherwise are pretty equal. For example, if of the 100 men, 20 are short and overweight, then maybe their struggles at work etc., are caused by being overweight, more than being short. Another example: if of the 100 men there are 40 tall men who suffer from significant anxiety since early age, nothing to do with their heights.. that too needs to be taken into account: what if their struggles at work etc., has more to do with their pre-existing anxiety than with their heights?

In other words, for the studies to be accurate, there need to be 100 men  of different heights (some short, others tall), but otherwise they need to have the same BMI, the same amount of anxiety, the same physical fitness, etc.,.. not to mention that nature of their individual workplaces need to be considered in regard to their work struggles (maybe an individual’s work struggles is a result of  a terrible workplace?)

There are many, many themes to people feeling inferior to others: race, ethnicity, color of skin within the same racial group, height, weight, any one of the hundreds of facial and body features, a person’s tendency to blush.. or sweat too much.. a person’s education or lack of, a person’s financial status, a person’s marital status, a person’s job.. living on a mountain or in the city, and on and on and on.

“Has anyone else felt this sort of negative self-loathing about their height or any other physical characteristics which are beyond our control?… It is eating me alive“- more people than not feel dissatisfaction with their physical bodies. You are in the company of many millions of people. In regard to your self-loathing, it’s a step up from dissatisfaction, isn’t it.

Your dissatisfaction has risen to the level of an obsession that negatively affects your daily life: “I believe it’s my first true obsession.. I don’t know how to get rid of it or stop believing it“- you are now in the habit of comparing yourself to others etc., it is a mental habit, and like other habits, habits can be changed. It is not easy though.. to stop the brain from going again and again to where it habitually goes.

“there were times when I experienced racism as a young child from other children and really started to hate being Asian. I really wanted to fit in the Western society I was in and I longed to be white though I have overcome that now and am proud to be Asian“- I am proud of you for being proud being Asian!

“Have you ever experienced some similar things anita about aspects of yourself you couldn’t change that you didnt’ like?“- yes, one of them was my height. I felt that I was too tall when I was a teenager and young adult (5’5”/ 168 cm) because most boys/ men were the same height as me, some were shorter, and so, I felt unattractive for being too tall. I was in the habit of standing in such a way that I appeared shorter, and of course, I wore flat shoes.

We can continue to communicate if you’d like.

anita