Hello everyone

I’ve often found the Tiny Buddha forums helpful over the past years, though never went the step of signing up. Reading about everyone else’s struggles and pain, and the compassion (and sometimes tough love) made me feel less alone.

Today I come humbly for help. I have found myself in an unhealthy relationship which started 3 years ago. I am 32, and he is 39. A gulf exists between us, exacerbated not only with drastically different lives but also cultures.

I think that the relationship is beyond salvaging. Sometimes one must know when to quit, and actually stick to it. Too much toxicity, too much pain, and he won’t end it, so I must for us both to hopefully heal.

The complication is that we have two business together, one where it’s just us, 50/50 split. The other has a third partner who may or may not be aware of the tension; the split there is structured to prevent a stalemate in any business decisions. I work in both full time; he is currently unemployed and has been for months, but does not put in effort beyond what seems to be mostly criticism. I do not dwell on this; I know on some level it affects him not being able to bring in money to support his family (a whole other story, but suffice to say there are two young children and a wife he is separated but not divorced from… And will never divorce from, for his own reasons.)

Being his business partner for only 2 years has made me realise that he’s not a good fit for a business partner for me. Our ideas about work ethics seem to be different. I take on most, if not all, of the mental load in both businesses because if I didn’t, no one else would. I’ve been told it’s because he doesn’t know how to do XYZ; I haven’t either, but I learnt, because I had to.

In the past week he has accused me of backstabbing him by apparently causing a potential investor and partner in the 50/50 business to believe that I was going to sell shares in the business to them without question. This potential partner is a family company of 8 persons, all of whom knew him personally even before this business started. His evidence is that I had a private conversation with one of these parties, where I was in tears and very emotional over his treatment of me in the business at the time and my perceived lack of equality. Said party swears they had not told him. Because there are so many people, I think someone somewhere along the chain is lying, but at this point right now, I’m not sure it matters much.

The current offer on the table is for him to sell his shares in the 50/50 business to me, but at a price I do not agree with. I am awaiting financial statements from the business accountant to make my counter offer. He has been cold, distant, even mean in his dealings with me. He has thrown out once number, then another, then told me to just take it all for nothing and now we are back to a high number which is the current offer. I have some mental whiplash over this.

I am in confusion and pain, and think it is starting to affect my work. Even though the business negotiations are in a holding pattern right now, both businesses still rely on me at the moment.

I need advice on how I can approach the end of our personal relationship as well. It may seem cold and calculating… But I no longer feel like there will be any kindness or fairness, not even basic respect and residual love from him anymore. His texts to me have been angry and accusatory, and even though I feel maligned, a greater part of me thinks “why bother even trying to explain and understand anymore?”.

What can I say or do, that will lessen the pain and hurt for him that this will cause? I still love and care for him, even if he does not anymore.