Dear Felix,

I’ve tried praising that little boy, it did worked as i’ve stop posting from social media and now it came back due to other people’s actions AGAIN…

You praised yourself for not posting… but when you started posting again, or someone else posted a photo of you, this same wound (of not feeling loved, of believing there is something terribly wrong with you) got opened again. You still need to appreciate yourself (and that little boy) and accept him just as he is, even if he is short and thin.

it really hurts when your no 1 weakness gets exposed like that in social media.

People who know you in person know that you’re short. Your height isn’t something new to them, so it didn’t really get “exposed”, because it wasn’t a secret in the first place. Your friends and acquaintances accept you as you are – they don’t mock you, do they? It’s just your mother who mocks you and doesn’t accept you as you are… and consequently, you don’t accept yourself either.

I feel like i shouldnt have attend that gathering… if i didnt i wont think like this today.

As I said, you won’t solve the problem by hiding from people and being a hermit…

I know i should love and praise that little boy, but it’s just too much for him to bear… it’s suffocating…. Especially when this adult life is so dull. I dont know how i can keep going forward in life with this issues.

It’s suffocating because your adult self is quite weak, and when the wound gets activated, you’re pretty much completely identified with that little boy. That’s why you cannot soothe yourself. On top of that, you still live with your parents and are exposed to their criticism and belittling. Your mother is doing that to you all the time – she told you you’re only receiving salary because you are your father’s son, not because you deserve it. Now she mocked you again, telling you you look like a girl… You are exposed to this same treatment your entire life. This is how you have been programmed. And you completely believe your mother, you believe her words…

That’s why I told you it would be very important for you to become more independent from your parents, to move to a different place, for starters. I know it’s harder at the moment due to covid, but a part of your healing will definitely be moving away from your parents and sparing yourself from their mocking and belittlement.