Dear Ryan,

you are welcome. I still have a few things to add…

I dated several women with emotional issues–one attempted suicide and another, sadly, was successful. Married the girl who had attempted suicide near the end of our marriage (She attempted suicide after we separated but did not pin her attempt on me). After her, I tried to be more…selective, which may have contributed to my unwillingness to connect on a deeper level with them.

It reads to me you are attracted to women with emotional issues. In the past those were severe issues, which lead to two of your relationships ending with the woman either committing or attempting suicide. Since then, you are probably attracted to women with less severe issues, however they still have self-esteem issues and you said the nurse is also suffering from depression (Like me, she too battles with self-esteem issues and depression.).

I believe you are attracted to such women because you feel you can be a “positive influence” in their lives and “save them”. Which makes you feel better about yourself. Secretly, you feel better/superior than the woman you are with. You even believed that staying with the woman, even though you knew you’d be leaving her eventually – would be beneficial to her. So this is your superiority streak, which causes you to choose women you can feel superior to.

At the same time, you’d be probably terrified to be with a woman who is strong and self-confident, because she would find out how “inferior” you actually are. With such a woman, your worst fear would be confirmed: that you are a failure and a disappointment. You don’t want to be with such a woman, lest your greatest fear gets confirmed. That’s how you are protecting yourself from getting a “definite proof” that you are not good enough – which would be devastating for you.

When you run away from a relationship, you are protecting yourself in the same way. Because if you stay, it might turn out that you are really inadequate, which would be devastating for you. If you leave on time though, this never gets confirmed because these women always praise you. They do resent you for leaving them, but still, they praise you and want you to stay. You are loved and wanted, not discarded and humiliated.

This is I believe the dynamic behind your romantic relationships. What do you think?