Dear mj:

Reads like (1) you were betrayed at work by a coworker and by your employer/ higher ups: the coworker told the higher-ups about your interest in another division, and the higher-ups demoted you even though you were an overachiever (“over achieving at work until the fortune 100 corp I was working for demoted me because I talked with a coworker about an opportunity in another division“), (2) maybe you were betrayed in some ways by your wife of 25 years (“I went through a divorce after 25 years in Feb of 2019“), (3) you definitely lost a 25 year old marriage, a wife, a higher position in a job and then a job itself (“I lost my job due to covid in July 2020“), (4) you are currently working for “a terrible company”.

“I.. have to find so passion for life or I will never break free of this depression… I just can’t find the drive or want to engage in anything…I am stuck in a circle that keeps getting worse!”-

– I think that you need a place to further express the recent losses and betrayals that you experienced, at work and in your personal life. I imagine that there is too much pain, hurt, disappointment and probably anger accumulated in your mind/ heart since at least 2019, and this accumulation is blocking your drive and passion for life.

Quality psychotherapy and emotional support groups that are managed well are the best places to do this. You are welcome to express yourself here, in this non-therapy setting, a public forum, if you want: sit down in front of the computer when you feel like it, and let your fingers do the typing, whatever come to mind, express your hurt, your anger, your frustrations.. type them away. If and when you do, I (a fellow member, not a therapist) will read and reply further, focusing on responding to you with empathy, understanding and respect.

anita