November 2, 2021 at 5:07 pm #388119mjParticipant
Hi, this is my first time every doing this. I lost my job due to covid in July of 2020 and am working for a terrible company now but at least I can pay bills. I have been battling depression for many years and got a lot worse when I went throw a divorce after 25 years in feb of 2019. My depression and anxiety has gotten so bad that i need to sleep 12-15 hrs a day and have no passion for anything in life anymore. I continually wish I was not alive as my mental pain and shame of not having any passion for anything has beaten me down to nothing. I have to find a way to get better and I don’t know how and what to do! I am at risk of lossing everything and have to find so passion for life or I will never break free of this depression.November 2, 2021 at 7:39 pm #388124
I hope you do find a passion for life, at least an interest or a meaning in your life, a personal meaning. Would you like to share what was of meaning for you in the past?
anitaNovember 3, 2021 at 6:47 pm #388152mjParticipant
I used to like to work out, Triathlons, overachieving at work until the fortune 100 corp i was working for demoted me because I talked with a coworker about an opportunity in another division, fishing, i am a scuba instructor, ocean, shooting, motorcycles, home renovation and listing to music were some things that I loved to do. I just cant find the drive or want to engage in anything. It just add to my depression and anxiety especially not being able to engage in my choirs or work. I am stuck in a circle that keeps getting worse!November 3, 2021 at 7:23 pm #388153
I would like to reply to you when I am more focused, which should be in about 11 hours from now.
anitaNovember 4, 2021 at 8:49 am #388168
Reads like (1) you were betrayed at work by a coworker and by your employer/ higher ups: the coworker told the higher-ups about your interest in another division, and the higher-ups demoted you even though you were an overachiever (“over achieving at work until the fortune 100 corp I was working for demoted me because I talked with a coworker about an opportunity in another division“), (2) maybe you were betrayed in some ways by your wife of 25 years (“I went through a divorce after 25 years in Feb of 2019“), (3) you definitely lost a 25 year old marriage, a wife, a higher position in a job and then a job itself (“I lost my job due to covid in July 2020“), (4) you are currently working for “a terrible company”.
“I.. have to find so passion for life or I will never break free of this depression… I just can’t find the drive or want to engage in anything…I am stuck in a circle that keeps getting worse!”-
– I think that you need a place to further express the recent losses and betrayals that you experienced, at work and in your personal life. I imagine that there is too much pain, hurt, disappointment and probably anger accumulated in your mind/ heart since at least 2019, and this accumulation is blocking your drive and passion for life.
Quality psychotherapy and emotional support groups that are managed well are the best places to do this. You are welcome to express yourself here, in this non-therapy setting, a public forum, if you want: sit down in front of the computer when you feel like it, and let your fingers do the typing, whatever come to mind, express your hurt, your anger, your frustrations.. type them away. If and when you do, I (a fellow member, not a therapist) will read and reply further, focusing on responding to you with empathy, understanding and respect.