Hi TeaK,

Thank you so much for your support and for spending the time to read my angst and analyze it in such a helpful way, I am so very grateful.

I think a lot of what you are saying is true and I guess counseling would help.  I have had it in the past and didn’t find it that helpful, I sometimes find speaking to a friend better but it’s hard to confess something as big as this and then run the risk that they might say something.

As I type this, I am thinking to myself, what I did although wrong was not that bad if I reframe it.  I had self-control, I could have easily gotten carried away with my colleague and had sex with him, there were multiple times he asked me to stay at his or meet him in a hotel all of which I declined.

I think the problem for me is that I have built this up some much and told a story to myself that I am such a bad person and I am going to lose everything because of this, in fact, although it was wrong I was looking for comfort at the time and I found it in someone who had respect for me and saw the good in me – does that make sense?

I have booked a doctor’s appointment for my anxiety to see if there is something they can do to help, I had a bad night last night and work up having a panic attack and palpitations.  Thank goodness we can work from home at the moment.