Dear ginn,

When I read both of yours reply, I cried so hard. It felt like after a long time, someone finally understood me. Thank you for giving me a different perspective on this issue.

I am really glad you felt seen and understood, and that this conversation helps you see things in a different light.

I’m sorry to hear you had the same experience and I hope you’ve gone out from it.

Yes, it’s been a while that I am not too bothered by my mother’s criticism. I used to be very sensitive and tried to make her happy and pleased with me, but this was an impossible mission, so I gave up. I have much more self-esteem now and feel better about myself…

This also made me never seek help from others; I always tried my best to do everything on my own.

Right, because you thought asking for help means weakness…

I think that’s why I always choose to run and hide myself when someone criticizes me, and if someone criticizes me, it triggers a panic attack. Every time I meet anyone or a stranger, I have to be constantly on guard in case others will criticize me.

Being criticized probably just deepens your sense of “not being good enough” and feeling unworthy. To make things worse, you feel you have no one to turn to for support and consolation (since your father taught you that showing weakness is a failure), and this probably makes you even more anxious, leading to a panic attack. If you had a close friend whom you can share your fears and insecurities with, it would be easier… but since you don’t, it makes things more difficult. You feel like you have to sort it out on your own, and… it makes you panic. At least this seems like a plausible explanation to me.

I’m too afraid to meet my friends, my former colleagues, because I thought I’m too bad in everything.

I know the feeling. I too had a similar sense of shame, feeling inadequate, worse than others… and the fear that I’d be judged.

Yes, I did get in touch with the gentle voice, after I learn to stop thinking negative thoughts. There’s a small small voice telling me I’m good enough, is okay to fear or fail. I’m glad that it got some improvement.

That’s great! Just keep connecting to that voice as much as you can. Whenever you hear your inner critic getting loud with accusations, remind yourself that what it’s saying isn’t true, and that you are good enough, and that it’s okay to fail. And that vulnerability is an asset, not an obstacle.

I also think it would be important to have someone non-judgmental, whom you can confide in and be honest about your fears and insecurities. Your therapist can be such a person for you… do you feel free to be completely honest and vulnerable with your therapist?