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Feeling stuck, repeated pattern

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  • #390457
    anita
    Participant

    Dear ginn:

    Please take your time reading the replies you are receiving, take your time considering and taking them in, one at a time, not all at once. No reason at all to rush. Here is my input today:

    Your father made a couple of mistakes which he still repeats. He wanted to toughen up his child, to make her strong (so that she will be successful and earn enough money to help the family, and for him to retire early), but instead he made his daughter weak.

    He thought that if he criticized you for “being so weak and useless“, you will think something like this: oh, I didn’t know that I shouldn’t be weak and useless, my father doesn’t like me weak, therefore, I should be strong, and now that I know, I will be strong! And then, because you had this thought, and because you don’t want more hurtful criticism, you would become strong and useful.

    But neither a thought nor fear of hurtful criticism can make a child strong. After all, you had these kinds of thoughts many times during your life, as a child and as an adult, and you feared your father’s criticism since early on, and yet, these did not make you strong!

    Here is what he should have done so to make you strong: when you “cried because I was stressed about small things“- in a gentle fatherly voice and with a kind look in his eyes, he should have told you something like this: I understand, my precious daughter. It is difficult to ____ (example: study 50 pages in a book for a test in two days). I will help you and we can do this together. You are upset right now, so I will make you hot chocolate and you can drink it while watching ____ (your favorite TV show) for half an hour. After that I will sit with you as you study the first page. I will then leave you alone to study the next 4 pages. When you are done, call me and tell me what you learned from the first 5 pages, and we’ll take it from there, together.

    If he said something like the above, you would have felt supported, like you are not alone when something is difficult. If he carried on the plan in the example above, and you managed to study the first 25 pages that evening, and 25 pages the next day, and on the third, had the test and succeeded, you would have felt successful. You would have learned that when a task is difficult and stressful, you can do it anyway because you are not alone, there is someone to help you, someone to make you feel better and help you make a plan that works!

    Alone and unsupported- we get weak, Together and supported- we get strong. This is the case because as humans, we are social animals. And just like other social animals, we need the help of others, we need to feel that together feeling.

    So, you see, what you needed was more than the thought: I should be strong! What you needed was that together feeling and a workable plan.

    Fast forward, you are not earning money to help the family because of his repeated mistakes. It is the consequence of his words and hurtful criticism. You can think of it this way: let’s say he picked up a lamp and threw it to the floor. The lamp breaks, no light. Who made it happen, who caused it?

    Good thing that you are a person and not a lamp, because a broken lamp can’t fix itself, but for a human, it is possible.

    You wrote: When I cried because I was stressed about small things, he would (say)… how could I achieve bigger things in life if I can’t even handle a little stress and small obstacles?

    He didn’t understand that Rome wasn’t built in one day. To make a child successful, you have to start small and build up. When he said the above, he minimized the importance of the “small obstacles”. These were small obstacles in his adult mind, but not in a mind of a child. For you, these were big obstacles. He should have validated to you that the obstacles you faced were indeed big, but when faced together, with kindness and support, you can successfully face these obstacles. Together, they are not too big.

    You needed kindness and togetherness, not hurtful criticism. Your teacher made a similar mistake when she did the following: “My teacher criticised  in front of the whole class and told me that she was so disappointed in me…  and half of the girls in the class boycotted me“- parents and teachers should be very careful when criticizing a child. Criticism should be gentle, aimed at correcting specific mistakes without shaming and humiliating the child! All children need support and that together feeling, not being isolated/ boycotted!

    I was too impulsive and wanted to be successful overnight…  always thinking of achieving bigger goals overnight“- because your father presented to you the belief that small things don’t matter and the “bigger things in life” (his words) are all that matter, you believe it yourself, avoiding the small things and wanting the “bigger goals overnight” (your words).

    I like being creative about design, but the design process- I don’t like. For example: I like to stir-fry food, but I hate chopping or cutting the meat“- chopping the food is the small task, the small obstacle, but stir frying the food is the big task (correct?), and in your mind, the small tasks are of no importance.

    I don’t know what’s my passion“- find worth in the small tasks, open your mind to the reality that small tasks and small obstacles do matter, they are important! Believing this will make it possible for you to feel interest and passion in doing small things, things that … really are not small at all. This, I think, will be the beginning of you no longer “feeling stuck, repeated pattern” (the title of your thread). Focusing and finding worth and renewed interest in the small tasks can be your new pattern, and the miracle that will spark and change your life (“Like waiting one day, miracle or a spark will change my life”). We can talk about how to achieve this spark later.

    anita

     

    #390491
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear ginn,

    you are welcome.

    I know my dad shouldn’t do that, but it’s the way he talks because it runs in family blood (my grandpa).

    Our parents often repeat their parents’ mistakes. My mother brought me up similarly to how her mother brought her up… with lots of criticism and very little empathy. Your father and grandfather sound the same…

    Even though I’m grown-up now, he still criticises me when I make mistakes. I believe his behaviour has had a big impact on me, slowly accumulating from a young age, and subconsciously has taken a toll on me.

    It’s good you’re realizing that your father’s behavior affected you, and still affects you badly. It is what caused your low self-esteem, i.e. the sense that you aren’t good enough.

    You say your parents support you in everything (My parents are always supportive for everything I want to do in my life). However, it seems your father has only been supportive if you are winning, if you are strong and fearless, if you are not afraid. But he hasn’t been supportive if you are losing, if you feel weak and afraid, if you feel confused and are lacking direction. In those situations, from an early age, he had no empathy and understanding for you. Although such situations are an important part of life. We are all vulnerable, and the worst thing we can do is to try to suppress or “defeat” our vulnerability.

    Brene Brown gave an amazing TED talk on vulnerability (The Power of Vulnerability), please check it out. She explains why vulnerability is so important. She goes as far as to say that “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change”.

    Feeling weak and vulnerable is really sucks.

    It sucks because you were made to feel weak and useless, and by extension, unworthy of love, whenever you felt vulnerable. You received a wrong message…

    Actually I’m learning to stop thinking negative thoughts and allow myself to be weak and vulnerable.

    It’s great that you have started doing that!

    But when I tell myself that it’s okay to fail or make mistakes, my inner self denies it and tells myself that if you do this way, you can do better because you’re weak and that’s why it happens.

    Your inner self is your inner critic, which is the internalized voice of your father. This voice pushes you to be strong, so you would be loved by your father. I think this is its main motivation.

    If you start telling yourself a different story – that vulnerability is not a weakness, but in fact an asset and a precondition for a healthy personality – you might notice that this inner critic isn’t so loud any more…

    I was overwhelmed by my own emotions and had panic attacks. I couldn’t even control my thoughts and forgot to tell myself I should stop. I guess I need more practice and can’t hope that I will change my mind in a short time, right?

    Yes, it takes time and practice to tame our inner critic. You would need to develop a positive inner voice too, as a counter-part to the inner critic. It would be like an inner cheer-leader, or an inner compassionate parent, who has a lot of empathy and understanding for you, specially when you feel weak and useless. Have you perhaps gotten in touch with that voice too?

     

    #390505
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear ginn,

    I would just like to add something else, which I think is important. You said:

    Here’s the repeated pattern, resigned my job to stay at home hoping for doing something bigger to change my life or the world.

    The desire to do something important and “change the world” is very familiar to me. I had the same desire in the past, and I can tell you that it stemmed from my low sense of self-worth. I believed I needed to do something big, so I would finally feel worthy. It wasn’t a conscious thought, but it was still driving me unconsciously.

    Like you, I always dreamed about big things, but never really did any of them (Unfortunately, all the thoughts just in my mind, no actions are taken.)

    I never felt capable enough. I felt stuck, like you, between big dreams and no realization. The reason for that pattern is low self-esteem and the need to prove your worth, both to yourself but mostly to your parents.

     

    #390511
    ginn
    Participant

    Dear Anita & TeaK,

    When I read both of yours reply, I cried so hard. It felt like after a long time, someone finally understood me. Thank you for giving me a different perspective on this issue.

     

    Dear Anita,

    in a gentle fatherly voice and with a kind look in his eyes, he should have told you something like this: I understand, my precious daughter.

    I always thought that if my parents or someone else spoke to me in a gentle voice it would make me weaker or would make me take it for granted to depends on someone. And that my father was right and that he should be strict with me to make me stronger and more independent in life. This also made me never seek help from others; I always tried my best to do everything on my own.

    I think that’s why I always choose to run and hide myself when someone criticizes me, and if someone criticizes me, it triggers a panic attack. Every time I meet anyone or a stranger, I have to be constantly on guard in case others will criticize me.

     

    because your father presented to you the belief that small things don’t matter and the “bigger things in life” (his words) are all that matter, you believe it yourself, avoiding the small things and wanting the “bigger goals overnight” (your words).

    To be honest, I’m not sure about this. All I know is that I always look down on the little things and think they are too boring. It never shows what I can do, but I’m always make mistakes in small things. While looking down on the small things, afraid to do the big things. How should I break this?

     

     

    Dear TeaK,

    My mother brought me up similarly to how her mother brought her up… with lots of criticism and very little empathy. Your father and grandfather sound the same…

    I’m sorry to hear you had the same experience and I hope you’ve gone out from it. 🙂

     

    However, it seems your father has only been supportive if you are winning, if you are strong and fearless, if you are not afraid. But he hasn’t been supportive if you are losing, if you feel weak and afraid, if you feel confused and are lacking direction.

    Yes! Oh my god, you are right! Whenever I have direction in my life, He supports me. But whenever I lost my way, He didn’t care at all, and He never sat down to talk to me about everything. I guess he just doesn’t know how to show care and love in the right way. I always feel unworthy of love when I’m weak, not successful in life. I’m too afraid to meet my friends, my former colleagues, because I thought I’m too bad in everything.

     

    It would be like an inner cheer-leader, or an inner compassionate parent, who has a lot of empathy and understanding for you, specially when you feel weak and useless. Have you perhaps gotten in touch with that voice too?

    Yes, I did get in touch with the gentle voice, after I learn to stop thinking negative thoughts. There’s a small small voice telling me I’m good enough, is okay to fear or fail. I’m glad that it got some improvement.

     

    #390517
    anita
    Participant

    Dear ginn

    I always thought that if my parents or someone else spoke to me in a gentle voice it would make me weaker or would make me…  depends on someone“-before a toddler can walk independently, he needs to depend on someone: to hold someone’s hand as he takes his first steps. Later, after enough practice, the hand is removed, and the infant can walk all by himself. Similarly, for a child (or an adult), to be emotionally independent-enough, the child has to depend on someone else first.

    We are all born dependent, physically and emotionally. The shift from dependence to independence needs to be done gently and gradually.

    I always thought… that my father was right and that he should be strict with me to make me stronger and more independent in life“- back to the infant who cannot yet walk independently, let’s say the infant is upright for a moment, holding on to a chair. What would help the infant start walking: a gentle, guiding hand or a rough push?

    The rough push will cause the upright infant to Fall, not to Walk!

    Also, it’s not the infant’s choice to not walk, the infant is not refusing to walk so to annoy the parent; the infant naturally cannot yet walk, and he is naturally afraid to walk and fall. Fear needs to be managed with gentleness not with strictness!

    This also made me never seek help from others; I always tried my best to do everything on my own“- like I said, you first have to depend on another before you can become independent. For you, to become emotionally and practically independent, you need to depend on someone first: to seek help and receive help. It’s still the same rule for you, as an adult, as it was when you were a child: dependence first, independence next.

    If someone criticizes me, it triggers a panic attack. Every time I meet anyone or a stranger, I have to be constantly on guard in case others will criticize me“- being criticized is like that rough push I mentioned, a push that causes you to fall, emotionally.

    I always look down on the little things and think they are too boring“- maybe because in fantasy, when you imagine things, everything is easy, fast and magnificent, like in a movie. But real life is slow and often difficult. In fantasy you can become an international superstar and perform in five countries all in five minutes. In real life, it will take years to be competent enough to dance in a local charity event.

    I always make mistakes in small things. While looking down on the small things, afraid to do the big things. How should I break this?“- Mindfulness teaches us to slow down, to focus on one small thing at a time, and engage our senses and attention in that one small thing. With mindfulness, you will make fewer mistakes, grow confident and gradually move to bigger things.

    anita

    #390540
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear ginn,

    When I read both of yours reply, I cried so hard. It felt like after a long time, someone finally understood me. Thank you for giving me a different perspective on this issue.

    I am really glad you felt seen and understood, and that this conversation helps you see things in a different light.

    I’m sorry to hear you had the same experience and I hope you’ve gone out from it.

    Yes, it’s been a while that I am not too bothered by my mother’s criticism. I used to be very sensitive and tried to make her happy and pleased with me, but this was an impossible mission, so I gave up. I have much more self-esteem now and feel better about myself…

    This also made me never seek help from others; I always tried my best to do everything on my own.

    Right, because you thought asking for help means weakness…

    I think that’s why I always choose to run and hide myself when someone criticizes me, and if someone criticizes me, it triggers a panic attack. Every time I meet anyone or a stranger, I have to be constantly on guard in case others will criticize me.

    Being criticized probably just deepens your sense of “not being good enough” and feeling unworthy. To make things worse, you feel you have no one to turn to for support and consolation (since your father taught you that showing weakness is a failure), and this probably makes you even more anxious, leading to a panic attack. If you had a close friend whom you can share your fears and insecurities with, it would be easier… but since you don’t, it makes things more difficult. You feel like you have to sort it out on your own, and… it makes you panic. At least this seems like a plausible explanation to me.

    I’m too afraid to meet my friends, my former colleagues, because I thought I’m too bad in everything.

    I know the feeling. I too had a similar sense of shame, feeling inadequate, worse than others… and the fear that I’d be judged.

    Yes, I did get in touch with the gentle voice, after I learn to stop thinking negative thoughts. There’s a small small voice telling me I’m good enough, is okay to fear or fail. I’m glad that it got some improvement.

    That’s great! Just keep connecting to that voice as much as you can. Whenever you hear your inner critic getting loud with accusations, remind yourself that what it’s saying isn’t true, and that you are good enough, and that it’s okay to fail. And that vulnerability is an asset, not an obstacle.

    I also think it would be important to have someone non-judgmental, whom you can confide in and be honest about your fears and insecurities. Your therapist can be such a person for you… do you feel free to be completely honest and vulnerable with your therapist?

    #390548
    anita
    Participant

    Happy New Year, ginn, and may I add: Happy New Year to you, TeaK: you are an asset to these forums, if I may say so, much appreciated!

    anita

    #390557
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    thanks a lot, happy New Year to you too! Happy New Year, ginn!

    #390559
    ginn
    Participant

    Dear anita and TeaK,

    Wishing you and your loved one Happy New Year! May you all find happiness, prosperity and everything your heart dreams. Be safe and healthy as always!

    I am glad that I made the move to seek help from tinybuddha.com at the end of 2021. I really appreciate your sincere efforts to give me some advice, understanding and support.

     

    I also think it would be important to have someone non-judgmental, whom you can confide in and be honest about your fears and insecurities. Your therapist can be such a person for you… do you feel free to be completely honest and vulnerable with your therapist?

    Yes, I feel free to be completely honest and show my vulnerable with my therapists. It just the fees is hard for me to continue with them.

     

    After reading all your messages and reflecting on them, I have concluded the lessons that I need to learn;

    1.  Is time to rely on others, seek for help when needed. 

    2. Is okay to be weak and vulnerable and vulnerability is an asset, not an obstacle.

    3. Don’t listen to external or inner critic, tell myself I’m good enough, is okay to fail and fear. 

    4. Slow down and don’t rush for big goals. Instead try to accomplish small little goals and enjoy during the process of achieving them.

    5. Have daily resolutions, not year resolutions. 

     

    Is there anything else I could add?

    I want to make improvement day by day and become a better me, most importantly break free from my tower!

    #390563
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear ginn,

    thank you for your kind wishes. I wish you a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year as well!

    The list you came up with is great – very well done! I don’t think you are missing anything – those are all great points to develop a healthy and compassionate relationship with yourself. I think they can help you a lot in situations like this:

    Another example is when I was working part time at high school, I couldn’t find a joy from it, then I simply did my work and made a lot mistakes. I was so scared that my boss would find out and fire me, so I decided to quit it before he find out.

    If you tell yourself that it’s okay to make a mistake, you won’t start panicking and catastrophizing, believing that you deserve to be fired. You can tell yourself that it’s human to make mistakes, and that you aren’t a bad or hopeless person for having made a mistake. You can decide to pay more attention next time, but without feeling bad about yourself.

    Or, if you feel your current job isn’t the ultimate fulfillment of your dreams, you can be aware of that and aspire for something else, but you don’t need to rush and quit your job immediately. Instead, you can apply the “Slow down and don’t rush for big goals” motto. Which may mean that you stay at the same job for the time being, while you are exploring your options. You don’t quit impulsively, in a rush, but when you’ve figured out what to do next.

    Yes, I feel free to be completely honest and show my vulnerable with my therapists. It just the fees is hard for me to continue with them.

    I am glad you’ve got a good therapist, and I hope you won’t need to quit the sessions, because it would be great to keep the momentum going and keep working on your personal goals. Perhaps a part-time job would be an option? It doesn’t have to be a dream job, but just something temporary, that helps you pay for the therapist and allows you enough free time to explore your passions and interests, i.e. your future career options. How does that sound?

     

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 5 days ago by TeaK.
    #390580
    anita
    Participant

    Dear ginn:

    Like I suggested before, please take your time reading and processing the replies that you are receiving. I like the 1-5 lessons that you listed, lessons that you need to learn. I re-read all your previous posts so to be able to comment and elaborate on the lessons that you listed.

    “1.  It is time to rely on others, seek help when needed” – yes, but be selective as to whom you rely on. Rely on people whose criticism is gentle and reasonable; do not rely on people whose criticism is harsh and/ or unreasonable. Rely on people who support you unconditionally: when you are strong and when you are weak, when you are winning and when you are losing. Do not rely on people who support you conditionally: only when you are strong and winning.

    2. It is okay to be weak and vulnerable, and vulnerability is an asset, not an obstacle” – it is okay to be weak but feeling weak can feel badly (“Feeling weak and vulnerable is really sucks“), especially when you are taught that to feel weak is a bad/ shameful thing. Next time you feel weak, try to peel off the bad/ shameful part that that is attached to the feeling of weakness.

    In your recent post you sounded optimistic, but the unpleasant and painful feelings that you described (“I’m tired of my life… I felt stressed…couldn’t find the spark or joy in work… I cry every day… I have lost my motivation and I’m not interested in anything anymore… I was overwhelmed by my own emotions“)- these feelings will return. Maybe you already felt badly between the time that you submitted your recent optimistic post and the time you are reading this post.  When new optimism is met with feeling badly again and again, and yet again, most people lose their optimism and give up, concluding that whatever lessons they thought they learned- those lessons don’t really work in real life, or that they are too weak to actualize those lessons.

    To avoid this common obstacle on one’s healing path, please understand that after you learn new and exciting things, after you feel optimistic- the unpleasant and painful feelings that you are in the habit of feeling, these feelings will return. It is to be expected. The key is to not give up, and instead, to persist! It will take months or longer of persistent practice to finally feel better long-term. When you feel badly the next time, say to yourself something like: this is to be expected. Even though I feel badly, I can still think rationally, and I can still function better than before!

    “3. Don’t listen to external or inner critic, tell myself I’m good enough, is okay to fail and fear” – same principle as in regard to feeling badly: your harsh, unreasonable inner critic will continue to do its job because it’s in the habit of doing its job the way it does. When you notice its harsh and/ or unreasonable criticism, remind yourself that this too is to be expected. Then talk to yourself, give voice to a new inner critic, a developing gentle and reasonable new inner critic.

    4. Slow down and don’t rush for big goals. Instead try to accomplish small little goals and enjoy during the process of achieving them” – read about Mindfulness, including on the home page of this website, at the top, under BLOG.

    5. Have daily resolutions, not yearly resolutions” – yes, make those first thing in the morning, and/ or on the night before. Don’t make too many resolutions at any one time, see to it that each resolution is doable, and state each clearly and simply.

    I am adding a few suggestions:

    * Whenever you feel badly about not living up to your father’s expectations and making it possible for him to retire early, remind yourself that this failure is a consequence of his actions as your father. A father is a very powerful figure in his daughter’s life, and so, if he wants his daughter to be strong, he shouldn’t make her weak with harsh, unreasonable criticism and conditional support. The Law of Cause and Effect (effect= consequence) is a natural law that exists in all contexts, it’s never been possible for you to be strong by being made weak.

    * Avoid reacting impulsively to feeling badly by doing the following: “I always ran away from problems and challenges…So I resigned…  I dropped out… I quit the job“. When you feel badly, do something to feel better: maybe take a hot shower or bath, drink hot tea, or go for a walk outside, do some other exercise, listen to a calming guided meditation, or to your favorite music. After you calm down, then think about what, if anything, you should do next.

    * Work on regulating your emotions (you can research emotional regulation, if you would like), so that you don’t experience emotional extremes and therefore, become overwhelmed. For example, you wrote: “If I work the job I hate it just for money, I will feel my life is dead“- if you feel significantly less than hate and dead, you are not likely to become overwhelmed and react impulsively to the emotional extremes by, for example, quitting jobs.

    * “I’m too worried about the uncertainty of the future”– try to regulate/ lessen the intensity of that worry.

    You wrote:  “I want to have a better version of myself in 2022… I want to make improvement day by day and become a better me, most importantly break free from my tower!“- I wish the better version of you a Happy New Year, and a 2022 freedom from that tower! Thank you for your kind wishes for me, and please feel comfortable to post again any time: the road ahead will not an easy road and you will need support!

    anita

     

    #390662
    seven
    Participant

    actually I’m from the people who fail miserably and don’t give up at all …. if I were your place I will just think for along time what I want to do what is the advantage and disadvantage of all the available choices then stick to my decision. maybe you can work 2 jobs at the same time or work under someone else and working in the things that you want to achieve . or maybe doing your best in the work and spend the rest of the day doing your passion and the things that you love because the work only take 8 hours of the day there is still 16 hours for yourself you don’t need to feel you are being a prisoner and there is no turn back … hope you will find your place as soon as possible

    #390742
    ginn
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    if you feel your current job isn’t the ultimate fulfillment of your dreams, you can be aware of that and aspire for something else, but you don’t need to rush and quit your job immediately.

    I guess I have to think twice before I quit my job. I always have plan after I quit my job, but once I quit it, I’m too lazy to execute the plan. Probably I need to deal with laziness and procrastination too. I have read a lot about how to deal with laziness and procrastination, but it doesn’t work for me after one week.

     

    Perhaps a part-time job would be an option? It doesn’t have to be a dream job, but just something temporary, that helps you pay for the therapist and allows you enough free time to explore your passions and interest

    Yeah, that’s sound a good way too. I’m looking for jobs now, hope I could get a chance to get an interview with the companies. Fingers crossed.

     

     

    Dear Anita, 

    these feelings will return. Maybe you already felt badly between the time that you submitted your recent optimistic post and the time you are reading this post.  When new optimism is met with feeling badly again and again, and yet again, most people lose their optimism and give up, concluding that whatever lessons they thought they learned- those lessons don’t really work in real life, or that they are too weak to actualize those lessons.

    Oh my god, these feelings did return to me after the New Year! I believe I was disappointed to myself again because I didn’t execute any of my plan. I feel so awful. But I tried to talk to my inner self, telling myself to relax and it’s okay. It takes time to have a big changes. While I was telling myself, my panic attacked happened at the same time again.

     

    Whenever you feel badly about not living up to your father’s expectations and making it possible for him to retire early, remind yourself that this failure is a consequence of his actions as your father.

    I’m worried I will blame my dad for every failure, because no one taught him how to be a father in a right way?  I’m not sure about this, Anita,

     

    if you feel significantly less than hate and dead, you are not likely to become overwhelmed and react impulsively to the emotional extremes by, for example, quitting jobs

    I guess I have watched too many motivation talks, that’s ask people to quit their jobs if they don’t like it. Haha

     

     

    Dear seven,

    Happy New Year! Thank you for your reply.

    Could you share with me how did you persevere and not give up? I give up very easily. Maybe I need a faith that never let me give up on.

    #390744
    anita
    Participant

    Dear ginn:

    I’m worried I will blame my dad for every failure, because no one taught him how to be a father in a right way?  I’m not sure about this, Anita” – I am okay with you not blaming your father. What is not okay with me is that you’ve been blaming yourself for things that you are not responsible for.

    My concern and your healing should not about your father: about his childhood, about what he was taught and what he was not taught. Your healing needs to be about you: about your childhood, about what you were taught and not taught.

    anita

     

    #390748
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear ginn,

    I always have plan after I quit my job, but once I quit it, I’m too lazy to execute the plan. Probably I need to deal with laziness and procrastination too.

    How feasible or realistic is that plan? Earlier you said:

    Here’s the repeated pattern, resigned my job to stay at home hoping for doing something bigger to change my life or the world.

    If your plan is to do something big that will “change the world”, no wonder you feel overwhelmed by it. Perhaps the first thing would be to evaluate how feasible the plan is, is it just “a pie in the sky”, or it’s feasible but you need to break it down into smaller steps, make an action plan etc…

     

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