January 5, 2022 at 6:49 am #390775ginnParticipant
My concern and your healing should not about your father: about his childhood, about what he was taught and what he was not taught. Your healing needs to be about you: about your childhood, about what you were taught and not taught.
I understand your concern, Anita. This is my childhood, my life, not his. Because of what he has done to me, I should be more focused on healing myself. You are right. It’s just my concern that if I faced great hardship, I’d be screaming and blaming him for everything because of his actions, and of course, I hope that doesn’t happen to me, because I know how much it hurts my father and me.
If your plan is to do something big that will “change the world”, no wonder you feel overwhelmed by it. Perhaps the first thing would be to evaluate how feasible the plan is, is it just “a pie in the sky”, or it’s feasible but you need to break it down into smaller steps, make an action plan etc…
No, actually it is just a simple things like try to post a video on YouTube. When thinking about I have to use a lot of time to watch tutorials and don’t have special content, then it just stopped me to execute it. I also thought of starting a business, then when I think that I have to use a lot of time to do research, it stopped me again. I guess I’m too weak at take action immediately.January 5, 2022 at 7:16 am #390778
Thank you for understanding my concern. My concern is born out of how guilty I used to feel about my mother (an unjustified guilt), a guilt that stood in the way of my healing and caused me to waste away so much of my life.
“It’s just my concern… (that) blaming him for everything… I know how much it hurts my father and me“- I understand your concern: if he knows that you blame him, he will hurt, and if he hurts, you will hurt because you love him.
I assign this definition to the verb to blame: to assign responsibility for a wrongdoing. I know from very personal experience that assigning responsibility correctly is necessary for mental health.
Here are my suggestions: (1) Don’t blame him for “everything“, only for this or that specific wrongdoing that he really is guilty of, (2) You don’t have to express to him that you blame him for anything at all, do you? Instead, when he harshly criticizes you next, tell him kindly what about his criticism is harsh, and explain to him that harsh criticism does the opposite of what he intends it to do. Maybe he will listen to you.
anitaJanuary 5, 2022 at 7:43 am #390779TeaKParticipant
No, actually it is just a simple things like try to post a video on YouTube. When thinking about I have to use a lot of time to watch tutorials and don’t have special content, then it just stopped me to execute it.
Have I understood it right that you want to post a video on youtube, but don’t have a topic (a special content) you want to talk about?
I also thought of starting a business, then when I think that I have to use a lot of time to do research, it stopped me again. I guess I’m too weak at take action immediately.
Well, starting a business is a huge topic and not easy at all. It takes a lot of research and preparation. Do you know what kind of business you’d like to start?January 17, 2022 at 7:52 pm #391549
How are you, ginn?
anitaJanuary 25, 2022 at 4:43 am #391840ginnParticipant
I’m sorry for not responding lately, I tried not to go online because I saw my friends posting any good news about their lives on social media. I am still taking the time to redefine everything in my life and what I want to do in it. Still not much has changed, but I believe I will do well.
Really appreciate you checking on me, Anita. You are such a lovely person I’ve met online. Thank you and Virtual hugs 🙂January 25, 2022 at 10:33 am #391848
Good to read back from you, you are welcome, thank you and virtual hugs from me to you! It’s okay for you to respond whenever you want, no time restrictions.
“Still not much has changed” – real and lasting changes take a lot of time and effort, so don’t be discouraged, and post here any time you would like my input!