Anita,

There have been some changes.   I think I described the sexual issues-Jason pressing for more in a way that was not totally  correct when I sent you the message.  I asked to talk to him after I ended things the next day and he came over that night and said definitely we can talk.  Which was a good sign.  Here are some things he brought up.

While he didn’t mean to push, I initated things so he had a perception that it may go farther. He also said that of some actions I took during the event also made him think something was going to happen.  He did not blame the situation on me at all.  In fact he said we could continue the way things were and he was fine with it.

So i sat back and started to thing about it.  I realized that not finishing what I started could be a way to control the situation and I am the one able to stop things. Also, during that time is when I feel that he likes me the most-which is not an healthy frame of mind.  To an extent I am expressing myself because it is hard to do that during a conversation. I feel affection.

His personality seems to be very laid back.  He does not really think much ahead of time.  For example we were in his room and he made a comment and I said “are you going downstairs to get a drink.  He replied I’m not sure I haven’t thought ahead to that yet.” We spent time together on New Years (which I asked and maybe that’s ok)  He asked me the next day to go eat with him and return some things at the mall.

So here is the issue at hand. I texted him yesterday and asked if he want to talk tonight. At this point we like each other and I feel like he needs to know a few things before moving forward and getting intimate in the future.  I am not going to go into any details of my marriage as far as what happened.

My very good friend told me yesterday that after she had a miscarage. her husband cheated on her and to keep him happy she joined a sex club with him until she decided to get divorced.  My point to him is going to be  that trauma makes people do things that they would never do normally.  I was also going to explain to him the root of my anxiety.  I am  not sure if I should add that I do not know how to be in a normal relationship with someone.  It brings out my anxiety.

He did mention that my anxiety has gone down since I have been spending time with him.  I just want to explain that the anxiety is not me.  I feel like it is unattractive and gets in the way of me and my personality.

Lindsey