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lindsey

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 628 total)
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  • #402872
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    The muting on unwanted tension- 10 out of 10.

    #402870
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Yes in the past Lexapro did mute wanted tension.  For example on a scale of 1-10 the tension felt/feels like a 5 out of 10.

    Lindsey

    #402865
    lindsey
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Happy Tuesday to you.  The name of the book is called “Your Mental Mess” by Dr. Caroline Leaf.  I have only read the 1st chapter so I will keep you posted. So far it’s about retraining your brain- the interesting part is that the thoughts we have are not termed as “faulty” or “negative.” They are just thoughts that people may need to adjust to help them.  I am, in- office this week and I’m also redecorating my room so busy busy.

    I also got an anxiety coloring book and it’s been useful.

    Since I got off of the Vibyrid- last Wednesday? My hands used to shake (tremor) and now steady.  At times I realize I have only been concentrating on the task at hand- work- kids- cleaning- there are not intrusive thoughts while I’m working on the current task.  I kind of panicked a few days ago because I couldn’t remember the last time I panicked about something LOL. The best description I can come up with is this – visualize a blank canvas. The artist has the canvas slightly tilted down and he is pouring thick paint down the canvas. Eventually the thick paint has completely covered the canvas.

    That’s what the lexapro seems to be doing.  Jason stated he can tell I seem more relaxed in general.

    The downside (which I remember) is that when things feel less…intense… so do aspects of intimacy.  Currently this side effect seems minor based on how much better I am feeling.  When I was on the lexapro by itself I was extremely tired to the point of being foggy and making mistakes/being forgetful.

    Lindsey

    #402464
    lindsey
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    He is a cool guy.  I don’t know really what I’m doing. My book is supposed to come in today.

    Lindsey

    #402428
    lindsey
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes I agree that the strange behavior response is missing.   I’m not sure if he will address it or not but my feeling about the comment was heard.  I don’t think he is the type of person to apologize very much.  The response I was looking for was “sorry the comment made you feel that way. I didn’t mean it…etc)  But I’ve learned from you that our expectations are not reality.

    I think you may have a point about childhood fantasy.

    Lindsey

     

    #402426
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    He responded that he didn’t think I was strange just that my behavior was strange. He then made a joke saying I looked like someone had taken candy away from me.

    He was at work and busy so I don’t know if he will say anything else about it. I’m not too happy with the response but we are messaging and we both are working.

    At first after reading I thought maybe I over reacted. But no- I don’t think I did at all- I voiced my concerns and said what I needed from him.   I’ve said this before to you… I just feel like something is missing and I can’t put my finger on it.

    Lindsey

     

    #402418
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Perfect. I’m sending the edited message.

    Lindsey

    #402414
    lindsey
    Participant

    Jason,

    I’m sensitive to words like strange, odd, weird even when friends, family etc say it.  I don’t think you fully understood my behavior Sunday night after you said “no sex tonight”  I was confused as to if you were kidding at first.  You seemed off all day so I wasn’t sure how to take what you said.  I know you said you were tired.

    I’ve said this before – I know my anxiety takes a toll and effects everyone around me.  It’s hard for me to sit back and see if people will deal with it or just slowly stop interacting with me.  I haven’t dated anyone longer than 6 months before I was married.  I think now it has to do with how I acted a week or so ago.  Only now anxiety is added to the mix.  It’s really a never ending cycle and very hard to just sit back and see it happen over and over again.

    Lindsey

     

    #402405
    lindsey
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Can I send you a rough draft on what I’m thinking about sending  to him about the incident on Sunday evening?

    Lindsey

    #402401
    lindsey
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I am continuing to research the info you provided. My mother sent info on a really good book to everyone in the family regarding mental illness (I don’t recall the name offhand)  My sister said it is one of the best books on mental illness & my mother said it was such an eye opener.

    I have been thinking about my behavior with my relationship and as I have said before many times that I am very unhappy with my anxiety.  I’m also a bit annoyed that Jason referred to my behavior as “strange” when he did not want to get intimate.  When he said “no sex tonight” and I questioned him about it he never responded- he just looked at me and smiled and gave me a hug. I was very confused as to why he did not further explain – I would think he could tell I had anxiety and in my opinion could have discussed it with me that night.  Also saying “no sex tonight” my impression of his wording was something you would tell a child “no snack tonight, no TV tonight”

    I want to address with him terming my behavior as “strange” I am sensitive to comments from anyone that I am strange – odd- weird, etc.  The more I think about the incident the more frustrated I get.  I am trying to set back and process my thoughts without sending anything impulsively.

    Lindsey

    #402345
    lindsey
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you for your support. I am going to do some research on NPR strategy.  I’m hoping my doctor can call in the Lexapro by tomorrow.

     

    Lindsey

    #402334
    lindsey
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I hope you enjoyed your weekend. The weather was nice here in Bloomington on Saturday but yesterday it rained off and on.  Went biking on Saturday and ate at a really good breakfast restaurant on Sunday.

    I think that I am well and called the doctor this am to see if I could switch my antidepressant from Vibyrid to Lexapro. I recall taking Lexapro for about 6 years from 2004 to 2011.  I had 0 anxiety but I was very tired all the time to the point where my brain was cloudy- very similar to the feeling of Xanax without any withdrawals or harmful side effects.

    I believe I have a pattern of hoping my anxiety will go away eventually or that it’s getting better. I tend to make excuses and say I’m going to do better, not worry so much…giving excuses is taking it’s toll.

    Yesterday Jason was very tired (he was on call for the weekend and received a midnight call but did not go in until 6am. He actually worked Saturday at 7am as well and was off around 11.) He also pretty much took everything out of one of his bathrooms- toilet, flooring, sink and is replacing/painting.

    While I could tell his was tired my anxiety was saying he was off and I was examining little things. That night he stated that he did not want to get intimate and I felt like my reaction was weird- he termed it “strange” later on. He said I stood back and was like “what, why? etc.”

    I am not happy with my behavior in general at times with my anxiety and attachment style. I have voiced to you many times about this and have had reactive thoughts of breaking things off with Jason.

    I’m not happy with him terming my behavior as “strange.”  I also feel like he could have worded things different as going up to me and saying “no sex tonight” we actually half-heartedly did but I pressed.

    I feel like a weirdo. That’s the best describing for me really.  I do not feel happy in my relationship.

    Lindsey

    #401938
    lindsey
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    That message rings true- I was studying anxious attachment style regarding intimacy.  I realized that I am putting too much emphasis on that for connection and attention.  Jason and I discussed this also.

    Last week was kind of a disaster anxiety wise but better this week.

    Stress wise I found out yesterday that my ex is dropping the kids off at 6:45 am and picking up at 5:30 pm from summer camp.  I am going to pick them up at 6:45am on his days and bring back to my house.  That is completely unacceptable to me. I drop them off at 8 and pick up between 4-4:30.  I offered to have him drop them off at my condo- my condo is 2 minutes away and closed than the drive to camp- he told me to mind my own household. (shocker isn’t it?)

    I am transporting and picking up the kids on my own now for counseling. The counselor requesting meeting with the kids every week versus every other week- which means he has the impression of serious issues.  I am bothering with any details with him as he continues to try and manipulate the counseling schedules to make things disfuctional with the hope of stopping counseling.

    Other than that all is good.  I am proud to be taking more control instead of sitting back. Trying to get Ella enrolled in a summer reading program- I feel she is behind and I want her prepared for 5th grade.

    Hope all is well and Happy Wednesday!

    Lindsey

    #401573
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Maybe I should not change anything and keep moving forward. I do not think I will get the answers I am looking for. There are no answers about the future.

    I am forgetting if I want how serious I want to take things in the future.  For me it will take time to really move forward. I think that I am disappointed that he did not say he felt really serious about me- reassurance needed?

    Lindsey

    #401572
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I don’t know what to do.  I feel that him not saying anything about the future is not good.

    Lindsey

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 628 total)