Menu

lindsey

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 502 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #387351
    lindsey
    Participant

    Thank you Anita.

    #387343
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Do you think emotional hurt or damage is the same as physical hurt. Such as falling and bruising your leg? Initially it doesn’t hurt but then day 1 is bad and day 2 is way worse.

    That’s how I feel.  I put myself in this position again. and again. and again.

    Not having a great day so far.  Can you tell me something positive or help me? Same conversation. Same results. Same bad feelings about myself

    Lindsey

    #387321
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I’m not sure what to think really. I was very upset when I got off the phone for awhile.  I am starting to feel better I just feel like there is a rock in my stomach.  I know from prior experencies that things will get better each day.  With this situation I think a few days maybe.

    It’s hard for me head to wrap things around.  This is a classic case of someone (me) giving boundaries very clear.  The other person (Shawn) rebels from the boundary and gets rude. (I’m a bother, he told me already, etc).

    So. I do believe that he did not expect me to say ok if you cannot provide this I’m done and he was surprised.  I believe his view was when he is ready he will call or text-I’m not going anywhere.

    This seems to be a struggle for me to process.  These are things that need done in the future but earlier.

    After work the kids and I are getting a bird LOL.  We also have to take a trip to Walmart.  As for the weekend I do not have the kids.  Aiden has a football game out of town on Saturday but my car is not driving well so I’m not sure about that.

    Lindsey

    #387313
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    So I just called him and ended things. I started out telling him that with my anxiety it’s very hard for  me to deal with open ended things like he doesn’t know when we will get together to talk but we will.  Or he doesn’t know if he wants to get back together at this time.

    He then said I was speaking to him in an agressive tone??  That he had told me he wasn’t sure about getting back together but he felt pressure? Why did he reach out in the first place?? I don’t know what he expected from me except a shoulder to cry on?? He was saying all these things about how much he cared for me etc. But on the phone he was a completely different person.

    He acted awful Anita.  Like I was a bother.  And no I do not believe he gives what both his daughters need in general.  I am disappointed in myself.  But I am glad I ended it now versus later.  I can guarantee he would not reach out to me again unless he felt like it- which could be a week or 3 weeks from now.  He probably would not have even texted until then.

    I feel like I was a toy or something to reach out to when it was convenient to him

    Lindsey

    #387311
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I mentioned Shawn yesterday, my ex.  His daughter was very sick and the family just got back from her leukemia treatment in St Louis (sorry I said Memphis yesterday)

    I feel very frustrated. On Sunday he reached out to me and came over to discuss us and the relationship.  He left with us agreeing we would continue the conversation when we were free without kids.

    Ok so this open ended situation has caused my anxiety to increase and also my frustration.  1. I have no idea when we will met. He stated he is not sure if he is taking his kids to see his sister this weekend and stay over) 2. He stated he is not sure about getting back together-it is not a yes or a no.  He was very hurt when I ended it via text.

    His feeling is that I abandoned him when his daughter was sick. That I left him a voicemail and didn’t even call.

    Whatever his feelings are I am going crazy because I need a concreate date he is available first off. I am afraid to ask this of him b/c one he already said he is not sure.

    I do not like this situation I am in.

    Lindsey

    #387297
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I’m glad I could make you smile today.  I’m sorry you had a difficult day.  They are not fun at all. Example stuck in the middle of the aisle today at Walmart because my car is messing up again. Shawn was on his way but the body shop gave me some pointers via phone and it started so I made it home.

    Back to Shawn.  After the text break up in July he texted in August.   He pulled the no texting back in August.   I sent a friend request to him on social media but then deleted it twice and this was beginning of October. (I know, I know).  About the text not returned he said it was too much for him to handle at the time.  (He could have sent that info via text-thanks Shawn)  His daughter had many complications with the chemo and they just ended up just getting home. So 3-4 months in Memphis.  He reached out Sunday night via text.  We talked and he came over.  We are figuring out when to meet again via not having kids for either of us.

    I have some explaining to do about my anxiety and how it effects my thinking.  I also need to ask some things of him that I need in a relationship.  There has been poor communication along with the fact that he sucked as a boyfriend.

    Lindsey

    #387295
    lindsey
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I didn’t realize until now that the last time I spoke to you was on the 4th.  Trying to rewind….I am not going down to visit my parents next week.  I had a conversation with my mother that got heated.  By the end I said mom you are not in any shape to have a conversation with me.  I’m going to be the bigger person and end this conversation.  I’m not coming next week it’s not a good idea.  My father is having radiation for a spot on his prostate.  It is very minor-98% success rate but my mother is a wreck and she is not handling it well. (I only realized that in our phone conversation as she doesn’t communicate well-shocking I know lol)

    Last week my vacation was relaxing but a little boring.  I was talking again with Stephen-who lives in Florida that I graduated high school with- but I ended up just blocking his number and his social media account.  He’s an idiot to be honest.

    You are the only person I am telling this to. Not my friends no one.  I’m talking again with Shawn my ex.  Something is pulling me in that direction and it’s probably mental health.  I’m not ready to give it or him up. We are not back together yet. I do know that a lot of what I was thinking and feeling was anxiety during that time frame and I was not discussing it with Shawn.  He was not aware of any problems and feels like I abandoned him at his worst.  I will tell you he came over Sunday night and I felt like I was acting as a mother figure.  He rested his head on my chest and was crying.  He cried a lot during the visit.  I’m at a loss with him because it seems like he also needed to communicate with me and didn’t.  There is a learning experience here.  Or maybe not I have no idea.

    Lindsey

    #387076
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thank you very much for your support.  It’s usually needed at the right moment.  I’m going to have lunch with the kids tomorrow.  I just thought of that.

    Lindsey

    #387064
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    it feels like 3 weeks and I spoke with you only 3 days ago. Red flags appeared with Stephen and it became very apparent his goal was to sleep with me. I mentioned it and he was a bit rude and I blocked him on social media. So that is done.

    what is curious yet not fun at all is that today I have some strong feelings of abandonment. I did all the blocking yesterday.  I don’t even think I was talking to him more than a week at most. You get to a point where you feel you will never learn and are stuck. I should have never responded to him at all.

    I just got my car back and I’m trying to figure out how to change the lock on my front door. I’m on vacation This week too if I didn’t tell you.
    I spoke with the paralegal today and everything is moving along except the court date for my attorney and Jon to attend will not be for a month. My attorney will deal with him directly and I don’t have to attend at all. He will be served in about a week.

    please tell me something positive because I feel like I’ve taken a step back.

    lindsey

    #386860
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita-

    Have started minimizing communication.  Set up to where no meeting for clothing drop off. I keep electronics with  me and clothing goes in book bags to school.  There is  still sports equipment issue- I have arranged for it to be placed by the fence line at a Vet’s office beside my condo complex.  When he pulls into the parking lot I leave.

    I am on the waiting list for an appointment next month for the child psychologist.  The paperwork with the attorney has been filed and I will be getting emailed the petition.

    2 interesting things happened this morning.  I don’t know how this happened-really I don’t-but a guy from high school sent random nice messages and then  flirted and now I’m going to visit with him when I go home on Oct 19th for a week vacation. He messages with me multiple times a day.

    Now-I know I am not ready to date.  There was a situation this am where I had to text my ex to keep the kids on some of my days when I go down to Florida to visit.  He said that was fine and then accidentally texted me instead of Amy.  They were discussing my test I sent to him.  Basically dissecting my words.  It’s kind of hard to explain.  This was disturbing and the root of it-hurtful-that is the root. So later on Stephen (i’m just going to say his name who cares) messaged me and I focused on one word and my anxiety went crazy.  I said to myself you are absolutely not going to do this.  So I wrote down the conversation and sat back and realized that I was making something into nothing.  I do believe part of this has to do with the morning situation with my ex.

    Here is the thing I don’t like to admit. He makes me feel less than. So in the future if something like this comes up I will use the app. No texting with ex.

    Anyway I’m on vacation all next week and I can’t wait. Lots of naps and reading and dog parks and organizing.  I hope you are proud of me I think i did good.

    Lindsey

    #386723
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Lots to do today.  Going to a place called Altitude-lots of bouncing lol.  Then errands. Getting Ella a new pair of glasses.  Ex carries their insurance and she gets a free pair of glasses once a year.  Ex is now not answering any requests via text message. This seems to be his new behavior.     I’m going to just pay out of pocket for the glasses and discuss in mediation.  I don’t think texting him about it is the best idea-I’m not sure.

    I agree that it is not a good idea to be a team mom with his girlfriend Amy involved.  I believe my main focus was that I was not asked and Aiden is my son.  Their behavior was intentional.   With the counseling I am going to move ahead without his involvement.  However, he is a parent and he may have the choice to be involved and that is beyond my control.

    Yesterday we were at Aiden’s football game and I stood with Sarah.  She is the wife of Dan (ex husband to Amy-my ex’s girlfriend) Dan’s mother and sister were with Sarah.  They told some very disturbing stories about Amy.  She caused some major issues in their family.    I am wondering how to navigate this situation in the future.  I have to get all of this moved quickly with mediation.  I’m a little worried about my well being.  I feel that I am able to have any barriers or safety from them. I’m a sitting duck. No matter if I respond or not respond they keep coming.

    Lindsey

    #386645
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita

    Let’s see….So my car is Ok.  I got it back yesterday to have a car for the weekend to drive.  They ordered parts and I will drop off again Tuesday am.  I can’t remember the part that was damaged but it’s a wear and tear kind of thing.  Worst case scenerio $700 but that’s if some of the other parts are damaged while taking them out to get to the actual broken part.

    I put my resume on 2 sites.  I have not really heard anything back but will try to get on the site this weekend to look.

    As far the ex and his girlfriend go-they are bad people. That’s the bottom line. On Wednesday there was a group text sent to all parents on Aiden’s traveling baseball team. My ex stated that the 3 team moms are putting together a fund raiser for the team.  Now one of the team moms is his girlfriend Amy.  He never sent me any information prior to the  group text.  I texted him to give me the information-more than once – and I still don’t have any info.  I sent a group text last night asking for the team moms to text me about it with my number and I haven’t heard anything.  These things keep happening and it’s wearing me down.  Not really emotionally but it’s just starting to make me numb.  There is really no way to stop him about things like this.

    I told my ex that I have a name and I’m calling to set up counseling for the kids. He got very nervous-that was my impression about going to the child psychologist.  He was giving me rules like we would not talk about things that happened prior to the divorce. He said he would go into the session with me and I wouldn’t talk to her by myself. We would only talk about the kids.

    Now i’m just going to schedule an appointment and not tell him.

    So the kids are not in school today for a teacher work day.  We are going to do something fun after work-the weather is really nice.

    Lindsey

     

    #386534
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Almost finished with my resume. You are right-that is my manager’s job but to be honest it’s annoying-especially because we are overworked and underpaid.  But I believe a lot of people can relate to that.

    Over the weekend I basically took naps and walked my dog.  My car is messed up again and I have to take it to the shop today.  I am very worried and hoping nothing is expensive or serious.  I really cannot afford it.

    I feel very frustrated in general about what’s going on in my life right now. I don’t know if it is brain chemicals or stress-maybe both.  I’m just tired of everything.  I’m hoping my attorney that I paid $3,000.00 is going to be help.  I found out I  have to go to the mediation and work out a plan with Jon.  I was hoping she would speak on my behalf.  She will if we go to trial but I don’t think it will get that far.

    My parents went out of state for my dad’s birthday and sent lots of pictures to my siblings and I.  They saw Eric Clapton in concert and maybe Cher? I wasn’t clear.  I feel guilty that I was looking at the photos and thinking wow.  Your daughter is sitting in her home with a messed up car, in her pj’s going to bed at 8pm, dealing with a psycho ex and girlfriend, hating her job, etc.

    Lindsey

    #386404
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita:

    Happy Friday!  The appointment was interesting.  Her name is Rachel and she is very nice, funny, and approachable. I would be friends with her outside of her being my divorce attorney.

    My expectation was that she would handle everything and I would not have to do anything lol.  The good news is she is filing a motion that my ex is required  to attend  mediation again with me and agree to the changes I am requesting.  If he fights the changes (which he should not-none of it is about child support or custody)   we would go to court.

    I’m nervous to have a 3 way phone call with him and the mediator Karen.  I don’t think this situation is going to be quickly resolved.  I’m tired about the situation in general.

    I am going out with friends tonight.  I don’t remember the last time I did that.

    Other than that a little stressed about work.  My manager stated yesterday she was seeing a few mistakes on a certain area of my work.  While I think it’s very minor-and so does a co worker I’m frustrated.  Is she looking at things more closely because I was struggling last year? I think my work is really good considering the long list of things our department is struggling with-mostly low staff.  I could keep going on with complaints. Am I being defensive?

    Lindsey

    #386250
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I had my phone call with the attorney; Her name is Rachel and I was very impressed.  I guess I should be since her firm charges a 5k retainer but she estimates it will cost about 3k.  We meet at her office this Thursday.   I am editing some paperwork attached to our divorce degree.  That way one less thing to do and it’s all set up for the meeting.  I am rolling the dice that my ex will not have an attorney.  I’m about 90% sure he will not be able to afford one.  He and his girlfriend appear to spend a lot of money in general looking good for appear sake.  It still is a bit of a worry.

    The kids and I had a lot of fun this weekend. On Saturday afternoon after Football game and Cheerleading we went to the opening day of Rader’s Farm. It is a fall festival type place that has barn animals, activities for kids and a corn maze.  I was able to ignore a text chain that could of ended in back and forth toxic comments.

    I have episodes of loneliness just like I used to get with  anxiety.  I believe that it will decrease and I ride the wave until it goes away.  It’s much easier to ride of wave of loneliness versus the wave of anxiety lol.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 502 total)