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lindsey

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 436 total)
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  • #344976
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I hope this message finds you well with everything that is going on.  Logging in I realized that I started talking with you one year ago.  So much as happened and I feel like I am a new person.  I am doing pretty good.  We are working from home and have a tentative return date of April 3rd.  I moved into my condo Saturday and have been very busy getting moved in and everything put together; it’s lots of work but I am very happy with the outcome.

    I have met someone.  His name is George.  He is pretty amazing so far.  A very good man.  I will keep you updated on him.   He lives 4 hours away unfortunately.  I met him on a dating app about a month ago.  We are supposed to meet up in less than 2 weeks.  I am excited.

    Take care of yourself.

    Lindsey

    #341226
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Ok.  I agree with you-it’s just hard to see that with this guy.  I definitely saw that with the other men I briefly spoke with on the app.    This was my first online experience.  But… I’m just sensitive and take things too much to heart I know.

    Lindsey

    #341218
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I don’t know how not to have expectations really.  Especially when they ask me what I’m looking for and that 3 hours isn’t a long drive and they tell me all about themselves and ask about me.   I keep going back to how this guy actually seemed interested in me and WHY do things like this keep happening to me.

    I guess I’m not ready for the app or for dating.

    Lindsey

    #341200
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    So yeah I texted him about 2 hours ago.  I had an idea that he was giving the brush off.  In a sense I was wanting it to be done and over with instead of watching the hours and days go by with no messages from him.  Especially sense on the app I found him on, you can go in and see if they are active online and he never was.   So he responded fine and then I asked him to send some funny videos later and he never replied.   So I asked what was wrong why was he being weird.  This was on snapchat and you can see when they open the message.  After about 10 minutes I just deleted by message, deleted his number, and unfriended him on facebook and snapchat.

    So in the end, I didn’t get my answer.  I have no idea what happened in the span of a day.  I have a rock sitting in my stomach.  My mother said being divorced twice and 5 kids would have been a red flag for her, plus the long distance, 3 hours.

    I feel awful.  Awful for staring to like this person and just awful in general.  I don’t feel like I’m cut out for any of this stuff.

    Lindsey

    #341126
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    That is true lol.  I think I’ve only known him a week.  I need take a step back.  Focus on the important things going on and try my best not to stress out or reach out to him.  It’s my belief he should be trying to reach out to me-if he’s not, then it’s not really worth my time or energy.  I tend to get OCD about certain things and not think about the fact that he has faults and I need to figure out if I’m really interested in him.  Especially with him living 3 hours away.

    Lindsey

    #341114
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Well when I wrote “why is that” to his remark of it being a pretty good month, I used an emoji that I was joking around.  It was a smiley face winking.  I think he understand I was joking….I don’t see how he couldn’t….I’m not sure how to respond or move forward.  I think that’s the thing with texting and video.  It’s not a back and forth threat.

    Lindsey

    #341098
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    So.  I had uploaded a dating app awhile ago and was looking on it while I was so angry at my ex.  I thought it would help talking with someone.   I ended up about a week ago meeting a guy named Derrick.  He lives 3 hours away.  We were talking multiple times a day and everything seemed really great.  We are both divorced with kids.  And somehow my anxiety took over yesterday.  I had posted something sarcastic online about the month of February being awful and March needs to be better.  He responded with February wasn’t awful-it’s turned out pretty great.  I took it as it was because we met.  I responded with a joking “really why  is that?” and he just responded with “It just is lol.”  The rest of the day he was quiet and he didn’t text last night.

    I’m not sure why I got anxious.  Was it the statement? Was it him talking less?  But I feel like here we go again.  And I don’t want to have all these negative feelings.  I don’t understand why my brain is telling me he’s not going to text me again.  I keep saying positive things to myself but I’m exhausted.  I don’t understand why I do this.  I don’t even know if I like this guy.  I’ve never even met him yet!

    On a positive note my kids and I are going home for Easter to Florida to see my parents.  My mother and I continue to be getting along really well.  I close on my new condo next week.

    Lindsey

    #339618
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I think I have seen parts of Unforgiven.   I’m going to do some self care Sunday activities lol.  Hope you have a good Sunday. And I will try and focus on what you said; it’s definitely true but hard to grasp in the moment.

    Lindsey

    #339596
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    My anger is like a thick fog in the early morning. I can’t think or see right in front of me.  It’s hard to write that I feel like I can’t control it.  It’s hard to say out loud it’s not fair that my ex is happy- he doesn’t deserve to be happy.

    I cannot be around him at all.  We are looking into communicating though an app called family wizard.  I told him this morning no talking at Sunday drop off, no getting out of the vehicle when dropping off the kids.

    I feel ashamed of my behavior.  My daughter talks about his girlfriend a lot to me and I don’t like to hear it.  She’s bought my daughter gifts and is around the kids every weekend.  I don’t know how to move forward.  I don’t know how to fix my anger.

    Lindsey

    #339350
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I agree with what you are saying.  It is the same type of feeling in my stomach with M and with my mother.  However, is it that simple? I feel like there are some other reasons too.  We were married for 11 years and together 12.  I’ve also been thinking this: he was so adamant that I was cheating on him during our marriage or looking at men.  He was very angry when we separated and said I better not bring any man around the kids.  Even at Christmas lunch, he was trying to look at my phone to see who I was texting and would try and sneak behind my shoulder.   And he’s found the love of his life after 2 months?

    I feel like I am sitting here surrounded by…..seagulls.  And I have to use an umbrella because they are flying and the poop keeps raining down on my head.  All the things he has done and said to me are still raining down on me.  I have to deal with the aftermath.

    Am I coming up with excuses for  my feelings?  I don’t know.  I do know that I’ve done some additional research.  And what I’m doing without knowing it is “parallel parenting.”  Lots of people do that when the ex spouse is a narcissist and they just can’t get along.  I’ve blocked his number, blocked him on social media, only talk now through email.  No contact at all if possible.

    Lindsey

    #339196
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Sorry, I deleted the old texts prior.  Please take your time, no hurry.  Naps are always good:)

    Lindsey

    #339190
    lindsey
    Participant

    Lindsey: I will not continue these conversations with you.  I get sucked in and it just keeps going and gets ugly.  No more.  I’m ready to block you number and email because the entire thing is unhealthy and sick.   I’m blocking your number. Send me emails from now on.

    Jon: No

    Lindsey: if you need me send a email

    Jon: just stop texting

    Lindsey: No

    Jon: Emergencies etc could happen.  And I don’t look at email.  Just stop texting negative sh*t and stick to the plan.

    Lindsey: You start it half the time Jon.  This is a 2 way street here.

    Jon: Just Stop!!

    Lindsey: blocking. I’ve had it. Start checking your emails now.

    Jon: That is a very bad decision. I won’t review emails. I’m done texting you.

    Lindsey: check emails

    Jon: not doing it.  Bye. Plus we FaceTime the kids and that is in our divorce decree.  I’m not texting you anymore or responding to anything unless it’s about the kids.

    #339184
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Before I answer, I continue to get into texting arguments with him and they get really ugly.  I want to stop  this immediately but I get sucked into them.  It’s almost like an addiction.  I’m thinking of blocking his number and just sending emails.

    My answer would be :

    a. I feel like a loser because I don’t have any relationship with a man and the couple that I did have were far from stable and serious.

    d. He is trying to hurt me but I can’t prove it, similar to my mother who tried to hurt me, but I wasn’t able to be sure that she did, or to prove it to her, or to anyone else.

    My own: It’s unfair.  He has set up a new life/new family with a new person in 2 months.  I’m also afraid it will effect the kids even though it doesn’t seem to effect them now.  She is not me and it’s not the same.  He’s moving things along with her at “warp speed.”  What does this say about her?

    Lindsey

     

    #339170
    lindsey
    Participant

    Also, I think he is extremely insensitive and does not think that hurting me will have an effect on his children.

    #339168
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    No I don’t think he is trying to build a court case against me or anything like that.   I do think he enjoys hurting me because I chose to divorce and leave him and he was hurting.

    I think he enjoys having a woman around in general.  He does not want to be alone.  I also think he is thinking of himself.  While this woman has a child of her own and likes my children, they are going super fast to have only been dating a few months.  But I guess that’s just my opinion.

    I’m doing everything in my power to limit my contact with him.  This all makes me feel bad about myself and I’m not sure why.

    Lindsey

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 436 total)