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lindsey

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 363 total)
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  • #319307

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    So how did you walk turn out?  Crazy? Perhaps not.  Walking in the rain can be peaceful depending I guess on the temperature.  Continuing to keep my distance, my mom leaves tomorrow morning.   I am glad that I was able to come to terms in peace with her finally.  My mental health continues to be good.

    Here is my thought.  If I’m putting on my honest hat and finally listening to my inner voice, K is not good as a friend and I want to create distance.  I’ve reached the critical point.  I am working on not responding the next time he either snapchats my phone or sends me a work message.   Cross you fingers for me.  It sounds horrible to say he is a bad person so I will say he is a bad friend.

    Lindsey

    #319015

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thank you for that.  I need to remember to keep my distance or I will be repeating the same patterns of behavior that end up effecting my mental health and my mood.   It’s so easy to fall back into past habits.

    I’m doing ok so far.  Hope you are doing good to.

    Lindsey

    #318979

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Hope you had a good weekend.  Took the kids to their school for a trick or treating event on Saturday.  Lots of fun putting makeup on my daughter and taking photos and getting candy.  We ran errands  and just had a peaceful weekend until my mom came around 7pm last night.  We met her for dinner and I dropped off the kids.  We are getting along pretty good.  I basically am trying to work through my anger because it does more harm than good either way.  She has her struggles too.

    Trying to start Monday off on a good foot at work.  It’s very busy.

    Lindsey

    #318597

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Yesterday was a rough day with anxiety and it continued all evening until the morning (about the stress of work) but I looked in the mirror this morning and told myself to make it work no matter what.  I’ve been struggling in the new area mostly because we talk with angry customers all day and it’s really taxing and hard.

    Today has been well….my ex called me this am and said someone had broken into the car….then it was they stole the car from the airport.  So apparently he left the car unlocked with the keys in it.  My mom is coming on Sunday and I guess he was leaving it for her to drive.  So I had to file the police report because it had to be done in person and he is out of state for work.  The police think they will find the vehicle.

    So yeah.  Today I feel like I’m managing my anxiety better.  K said something earlier and I spoke with him but I do not like him as a person anymore.  I just don’t really want to have anything to do with him besides talking at work.  The feelings are still there and I’m hoping they will just go away over time.  I just think he is toxic for  me.

    Lindsey

    #318423

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I think it reads the truth.  I think he cares about himself.  I think that your rules were honestly a life saver for me.   I think yes this situation sucks and at times I get upset off and on but it will get better over time.  1. he’s about to leave for the day which will make my life better. 2. this could have ended up WAY worse.  3. I deserve way better. 4. if he treats me like this then he treats others the same; I’m not special in that sense.

    thank you for listening to me.

    Lindsey

    #318405

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    As the morning passes on, the more I hear K laughing with his coworkers the more annoyed I get.  I just do not understand this at all.   While I think it is best for us not to have any type of close friendship this really bothers me and hurts my feelings.   I was just wondering your thoughts.  I know there have been periods when he has not talked to me but never when I sit across the wall from him like this and hear him talking to other people.  It is just really hurtful.

    Lindsey

    #318245

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I read Avril post thinking it was you hahahaha!!  You are so smart “if you asked him you will be interrupting the chances of getting the information that you need.” Thank you for always making me feel better.  I’ll talk with you later.

    Lindsey

    #318235

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Yes I agree 100%.  I will continue doing what I’ve been doing.  Coming into work and working (lol) and acting normal.

    What I’ve learned is that I am not really read to date #1.  #2 I could do better ( I know that reads kind of harsh but it is true) #3. Setting boundaries are not as hard as I thought they were and I need to have more of them in place.

    Lindsey

    #318223

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I am well.  I was just thinking of writing to you today sometime earlier this  morning.  Work is very busy and takes a lot out of me.  I’m hoping it will get better.

    My mood is good and it will be for awhile.  I’m doing some research on diet, slowly getting rid of things each day.  My mom is coming Saturday – Wednesday.  There are a lot of Halloween activities going on around town so it should be fine.  I’m going to try and go to some but also have her be with them by herself.  Not sure how much I can be around her.   When I’m feeling good we seem to get along better.

    K does not even talk to me at all across the wall since Monday.  I am not sure how to take this.  I try to remember past behavior but sometimes I worry that he is mad at me?  I feel like sending a message saying “are you upset with me” is definitely NOT the right thing to do.  I haven’t said anything to him besides hi on Monday.   I can’t reach out because that’s breaking the rules.  So i’m kind of stuck.

    Lindsey

     

    #318001

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I think I need to work on making things daily habits that are calming so that when I do experience distress and start to go downhill, I have my habits to try and help me as much as they can.  I’ve also cut out drinking coffee, switched to hot tea, no soda, and am researching eating foods that help with anxiety.  Looking into eating less gluten.  I already am taking supplements that help anxiety.

    Going to try and just build things around me that help me mentally.  I used to have that before kids and then it was all kind of stripped away because the kids were my first priority.  K continues to be quiet and not talking. I kind of hope it says that way to an extent.  It’s more peaceful for me in general.

    Lindsey

     

     

    #317833

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I feel like I tend to take on more duties or stress when I’m stressed instead of doing the opposite- common sense would be take a break at work, walk around.  For example, I started looking at condos a week or two ago online and drove by a few places.  Got a little concerned about what I wanted versus what I can afford.   It is hard for me to walk out of that busy grocery store which seems like common sense.  I’m looking up erratic behaviors with mental illness because I feel like that word fits very well.

    Lindsey

    #317825

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    So far so good. My breaks are more 1 1/2 hours to 2 hours depending.  I’d like to understand why I seek out more chaos when I’m in chaos.  It’s almost like a drug addict.  Only afterwards everything is so clear and seems so easy.

    But like people with bipolar disorder who get off their meds when the feel better, I tend to take up unhealthy habits when I’ve been well for awhile.  Caffeine, bad food, more projects, etc

    Lindsey

    #317743

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Yes! I will try both.  Thank you so much.

    Lindsey

    #317735

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I asked her if I sounded short or rude on the phone because I thought my problem is how I say things not what I say.  She 100% agreed saying there were a few times she heard me on the phone and kind of cringed.  I was like oh boy.

    My close friend Ben said he noticed that my behavior has been erratic the last few weeks.

    The main problem is I don’t know when I’m going downhill.  Sometimes when I’m about to hit bottom I realize something is not right but I am unable to hold onto that thought for a solution if that makes sense.  My friend Ben’s description as “erratic” I believe hits home.   I cannot focus on one single thing,  I get easily irritated but move onto the next thing quickly, pile things on top of one another.  Kind of like if you were going into a supermarket lets say, for the first time, and you are hungry but only have $5.00.   There are hundreds of options in front of you to pick from.  Most of them don’t have the price on the item.  And you are walking around trying to 1. find your way around the store.  2. find an employee who knows the price.  3. find something cheap.  4. It’s super crowded and people are yelling.

    Lindsey

    Lindsey

    #317721

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I am feeling much better today.  Not 100% but better.  I want to get better at realizing when I’m going downhill.  Part of the problem believe it or not is that sometimes I have different symptoms, or some are worse than others.  I’m not sure if you have noticed through email (probably not) but in the last few weeks I’ve been sleepy, easily irritated ( at work it’s been my tone of voice with customers, how I say things), isolating, those are the main ones.

    I just feel embarrassed because I know my coworkers that sit around me have noticed-I asked my coworker that sits next to me.  She’s older, very funny, pretty direct.  She laughed about it but I didn’t really.

    I just want to find a way of not having to play clean up after every episode.  There is no calling card time frame or anything.  Not seasons.  But possibly stress.

    Lindsey

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 363 total)