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lindsey

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 411 total)
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  • #334674

    lindsey
    Participant

    Thank you Anita.  You give the best advice all the time.  Right when I need to hear it the most.

    #334648

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I’m trying to understand why this new girlfriend bothers me so much.  I feel like my feelings have layers.  One layer is I know that he is pretending to be a person he’s not during the initial dating phase.  Now it’s 2 against 1 and he is telling her things about me that are not true so he looks like the model ex-husband that’s always doing the right thing.  I feel threatened because of my mental health issues.  I’m afraid that he is going to build this new life and I am going to be the one that picks up the pieces.  My parents think he is a good dad and would pick a decent girlfriend but when you abuse your wife you are going to do it again and I don’t want it to be in front of my kids again.  I feel  like I can see everything but no one else can.

    I just feel very exposed.  My stomach constantly hurts and I don’t really want to talk to people very much.  I picked up my kids yesterday and am glad to have them around for a few days.  I called in sick yesterday but I really don’t feel all that much better.

    Lindsey

     

    #334448

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I am feeling pretty stressed out.  This new girlfriend has thrown me for a loop.  I feel worry.  Worry about him ignoring our agreement and having the girlfriend meet the kids without speaking to me again.  Or worse, him having the conversation with me in one month that he’s ready and wants the kids around her on a regular basis.

    I feel very overwhelmed and hurt actually.  I’m not understanding why I’m hurt.  Maybe it’s because we were married for a long time.  I’m not sure about my feelings.  I just know that I have that annoying heavy butterfly feeling in my stomach.  I’m also feeling very tired.  I have a day off in 2 weeks but I’m thinking about moving it up.

    Lindsey

    #334329

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thank you.  I am trying to get my focus back.  I called and told him that I do not want the children to be around this woman again unless he is serious with her and they have been dating for awhile.  Then he needs to sit down with me and discuss.  He agreed….as of now.

    So I am trying to grapple with not being in control in regards to my kids.  I worry about them so much. I just really want them to be ok.

    Lindsey

    #334317

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I found a condo Saturday and bought it.  Doing all the fun paperwork and getting everything set up.  Making a “To Do List”  Closing date is March 10th so I will move in after that.  I feel a bit lost at sea.  I need your guidance.

    Saturday night I was falling asleep and got a text from my ex husband saying he had met someone 2 months ago and this woman had come over and met the kids that evening.   Instead of saying something to me beforehand, I get this text.  I told him I was not happy with how he handled the situation on Sunday when I went to pick up the kids.   He failed to keep his pick up time and I dropped the kids off at the restaurant he and his girlfriend were at.  I had somewhere to be at 3:15 and we had agreed I would drop the children off at his house at 3pm.  It was a very awkward meeting and now I wish I had just kept them at home until he got home from his date.

    It has been up and down for me since trying to process this information.  I feel that it is inappropriate for him to have the children meet someone so soon.  I would never have my kids meet someone unless I was in a very serious relationship.  I don’t even want to date right now! I feel what he has done is selfish…maybe on purpose?  We have been arguing.  I’m hearing the classic “I’m a changed person now Lindsey.  I’ve meet someone that doesn’t treat me like garbage. I’ve worked out my issues.”

    This woman seems like a nice person but who knows someone after 2 months? She is divorced with a 9 year old son.  They were introduced by friends at work.

    I just feel protective of myself.  I don’t want to be around people.  What exactly is he discussing with her about me and my private things?   I had a feeling this would happen, him meeting someone quickly and getting into a relationship/possibly married again very quickly.  But he is abusive Anita and I have to sit back and just watch things unfold.  What if they start arguing a bunch in front of the kids?  I worry for my children.  I don’t want them around someone I don’t know.  The girlfriend will become his primary focus.

    Lindsey

    #333413

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Ok I’m doing it now.  I deleted it before…but this is much better.  I’ll keep you posted looking at homes on Saturday with the realtor.

    Lindsey

    #333375

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    yes, yes Ok.  I agree.  I’m staying on track.  Should I block the number?

    Lindsey

    #333345

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Wow.  Things really do come full circle.  On Saturday M texted me asking how I was.  I didn’t know who it was because I deleted his number so I was dumbstruck when I realized who it was.  We chatted for a bit, he has a new job in a different state closer to his kids.  I did call him out on his behaviors when prompted.  He stated that he liked me, I had my moments, but ” you were volatile and it scared me.”  Later that night he texted me but I didn’t reply.  The next day I texted him asking what he was wanting.  He replied “just checking to see how you were, nothing  more or less.”

    Trying real hard here to stay on track.  My close friend feels like he is fishing, that he will text back later.  I’m really trying here by thinking about the bad things he did.

    Lindsey

    #332593

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I’m not sure.  I mean yes I do.  I really want to see all my family and my dad’s dog.  It will be peaceful I think.  She is trying in her own way…somewhat.  She wants me to visit.  She is like her father they do not know how to show their affection.

    Lindsey

    #332587

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I hope this email finds you well.  I am doing ok.  Getting some arts and crafts ideas on my phone to do with the kids this weekend.  Ella’s birthday is coming up next month so we are also going to pick out invitations.  Work is very busy and I really like my manager.

    Going next Saturday with the realtor to look at more condos/houses.  Hoping I find something soon because the small apartment is getting a little old.  The divorce hearing was Tuesday.  It was over in 5 minutes.  It is crazy to think about it.  Really I felt nothing, just something to check off the list of things I need to take care of.  Changed by my last name at work and am busy with a to do list for all the bills and things I need to get changed.

    Next month I’m going home for 5 days to visit with family; I have not been home since last August.  I will be staying with my parents.  My mom and I are not really talking but she and my father are in counseling both with each other and by themselves.  I believe her behaviors are somewhat complex based her staying married versus leaving.

    Lindsey

    #330811

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    So my dog Shelby is a mini dachshund.  She is 11.  I noticed her walking slower about 4-5 months ago and then she just slowly declined from there.  About 3 months ago we started different medications and nothing helped.  My vet thinks there is a pinched nerve on her L5-S1 area causing a major loss in neurological functioning.  She is not in pain and gets around mostly still with a bit of use in her back legs and goes to the bathroom with no problem.  I can’t afford surgery or injections.  (surgery may not even work and injections are costly and last a few months at best.)

    So I have a wheelchair that she doesn’t want to use lol.  I’m waiting until it’s warmer to take her outside and work with her on it.  I’m also going to take her to the vet with it.  Right now it’s so cold we are kind of in limbo with it.

    So the guy J.  I agree with everything you are saying.  Honestly, he’s asked me twice to visit and I’ve said no.  My anxiety prevents me from saying yes right know even if I wanted to say yes.  And honestly I’m not at a point where I would say yes.  I don’t even know this person; talking online or on social media doesn’t really allow you to get to know someone.  I think it allows that person to let you see what they want you to see.

    Lindsey

    #330661

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Hope you had a safe and happy new year’s eve.  I ended up going to bed very early because I couldn’t fall asleep the night before.  I feel pretty well rested and work has been very slow today, only an hour and a half to go.

    So far I feel like I’m doing well overall without any mishaps really.  I feel a lot of this is due to not having a man in my life at all because it only brings me anxiety.  I may  have mentioned this but a guy I went to college with and casually dated for a month in college started messaging me about the same time I started talking and spending time with K.  He’s always liked my pictures on social media but actually reached out and messaged me about 6 months ago.  He’s divorced and lives in Mississippi and has 2 boys, 8 and 4.  He has been divorced for about 5 years so has helped me a bit through my beginning stages of the divorce process.  He’s made is obvious he likes me and has asked to see me either by paying to fly me to Mississippi or meeting close to me.  I’ve said no twice.  He has always said and done the right things so far and paid for most of my dog’s wheelchair on my fundraising sight.

    The thing is and this has been said is that we live far apart and neither of us could ever move because of our jobs and our kids.  I’m thinking of maybe saying yes to a visit.  Not yet-maybe in the spring or summer.  What do you think?  Also, he had a girlfriend in college I found out which is why we quit seeing each other.  I asked if he cheated on his wife while they were married and he said yes twice, he was caught once.

    Lindsey

    #330511

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Yes, be careful on the roads!  I’ll try and check in with you tomorrow.  I’ll be working but I think it will be pretty slow.

    Lindsey

    #330469

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Happy New Year to you!  I will be working tomorrow but until 4pm and then picking up my kids to stay with me until Friday.  Things are going ok-still on the lookout for a townhouse/condo that meets all my criteria:)

    Work is very busy but my favorite thing to do is come home after a long day and hang out with my dog on the couch reading or watching a movie which is what I will be doing tonight.

    Talk soon,

    Lindsey

    #329603

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Hope you had a Merry Christmas.  Ours was good but went by way too quickly.  The kids had a very good time filled with lots of toys lol.  It was ok being with the ex, I would say tolerable.  I did notice a bit of anxiety a few days before Christmas and a panic attack one of the evenings, I’d say maybe on the 22nd? I can’t remember.  Not sure where that came from but no more after the 22nd.

    So far things are ok.  Work is steady and my mood is steady for the most part.  Seeing my counselor next week.

    Talk soon,

    Lindsey

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 411 total)