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lindsey

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 426 total)
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  • in reply to: Need advice asap #339196

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Sorry, I deleted the old texts prior.  Please take your time, no hurry.  Naps are always good:)

    Lindsey

    in reply to: Need advice asap #339190

    lindsey
    Participant

    Lindsey: I will not continue these conversations with you.  I get sucked in and it just keeps going and gets ugly.  No more.  I’m ready to block you number and email because the entire thing is unhealthy and sick.   I’m blocking your number. Send me emails from now on.

    Jon: No

    Lindsey: if you need me send a email

    Jon: just stop texting

    Lindsey: No

    Jon: Emergencies etc could happen.  And I don’t look at email.  Just stop texting negative sh*t and stick to the plan.

    Lindsey: You start it half the time Jon.  This is a 2 way street here.

    Jon: Just Stop!!

    Lindsey: blocking. I’ve had it. Start checking your emails now.

    Jon: That is a very bad decision. I won’t review emails. I’m done texting you.

    Lindsey: check emails

    Jon: not doing it.  Bye. Plus we FaceTime the kids and that is in our divorce decree.  I’m not texting you anymore or responding to anything unless it’s about the kids.

    in reply to: Need advice asap #339184

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Before I answer, I continue to get into texting arguments with him and they get really ugly.  I want to stop  this immediately but I get sucked into them.  It’s almost like an addiction.  I’m thinking of blocking his number and just sending emails.

    My answer would be :

    a. I feel like a loser because I don’t have any relationship with a man and the couple that I did have were far from stable and serious.

    d. He is trying to hurt me but I can’t prove it, similar to my mother who tried to hurt me, but I wasn’t able to be sure that she did, or to prove it to her, or to anyone else.

    My own: It’s unfair.  He has set up a new life/new family with a new person in 2 months.  I’m also afraid it will effect the kids even though it doesn’t seem to effect them now.  She is not me and it’s not the same.  He’s moving things along with her at “warp speed.”  What does this say about her?

    Lindsey

     

    in reply to: Need advice asap #339170

    lindsey
    Participant

    Also, I think he is extremely insensitive and does not think that hurting me will have an effect on his children.

    in reply to: Need advice asap #339168

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    No I don’t think he is trying to build a court case against me or anything like that.   I do think he enjoys hurting me because I chose to divorce and leave him and he was hurting.

    I think he enjoys having a woman around in general.  He does not want to be alone.  I also think he is thinking of himself.  While this woman has a child of her own and likes my children, they are going super fast to have only been dating a few months.  But I guess that’s just my opinion.

    I’m doing everything in my power to limit my contact with him.  This all makes me feel bad about myself and I’m not sure why.

    Lindsey

    in reply to: Need advice asap #339120

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    My thoughts are I feel like someone is punching me in the stomach.  Whenever I find out she’s been around the kids.  My brain isn’t really thinking anything but that I feel hurt  and definitely not that I want to be with him again.

    I feel betrayal besides hurt.  I feel like he’s having her around without telling me first on purpose.  I feel like a lot of his actions are on purpose to see my reaction; he wants to hurt me.  He used to go crazy about me being around men and didn’t want the kids meeting any man I was dating.  He had strong feelings about that.  And since I  moved out, he has bounced from woman to woman, never being by himself.

    Lindsey

    in reply to: Need advice asap #339110

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Last night Ella was wearing ear rings the girlfriend got her for her birthday.  She also stated the girlfriend went with them out of town for Ella’s birthday this past weekend.  This  of course was never told to me.   And I yelled and cried and said I hated his guts etc.  And now I feel like crap.  I feel like I’m playing into his trap.  I’m not acting in the manner I want to act at all.  I feel powerless.

    Having any type of discussion about the girlfriend or how much she is around the kids is a waste.  I’m not going in the house and he isn’t going in my apartment or my condo.  The keys are because I have a dog (our dog really) and he helps take her out if i’m out of town, etc.

    I need help.

    Lindsey

    in reply to: Need advice asap #339022

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    It’s been a bit longer that usual for my post but I was in Florida for 5 days; I just got back yesterday.  I went by myself and had a really good time.  I am mending my relationship with my mother.  It’s feels really good.  She and my dad are in counseling and their marriage is slowly improving also.

    On the other hand, I feel like I am lost on a really small boat with no paddles at sea.  That’s how I feel dealing with my ex husband and his girlfriend.  He does not speak to me at all when he does things with her until after.  Her meeting the kids, her and her son meeting kids all together, her staying the night none of this was mentioned or discussed beforehand.  I got upset about her staying the night and told him that is not acceptable.  He kept giving excuses and said it will not happen again but it will.  I have not control over this situation.  I hate this situation I’m in.  I hate feeling hurt that he has moved on so quickly and says she is the one and they are in love.  I hate feeling hurt when I found out he bounced from woman to woman before getting serious with her.  None of this should bother me and it does.

    I don’t know how to move forward with this besides not giving him ammunition or fueling his behaviors by reacting.  He has cards set out from her in the kitchen and pictures they took.  I wonder if I should even come in the house-stay in the doorway?

    Lindsey

    in reply to: Need advice asap #336690

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    No one has ever described anxiety and stress like you do and I really enjoyed reading how you broke down the process in your post. It makes me think that maybe I will be able to fix this.  That my body is just reacting to things differently than some people.  I think my body has been used to the fight or flight for years with my ex husband and it’s easy for my body to go back in that mode.

    I have an appointment this Thursday and I’m going to work on techniques to use at work whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, foggy brain, etc.  I’m not sure how much to share yet with my manager at work.  Just trying to stay focused and hopeful with things.  I want to learn to recognize when I’m going to flight mode and how to bring it back.

    I do hope you are feeling better and I will talk to you soon.

    Lindsey

     

    in reply to: Need advice asap #336444

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I hope you are feeling better and more focused soon.  Here is something that describes me I think: Imagine a pond.  On one end are gold fish, the other end is empty and in the middle there is netting.  These gold fish nibble away until they start getting through the netting.  The gold fish for me represents stress.  As more gold fish come through, I get more stressed, more anxious, tired, irritable, impulsive, more talkative, less able to concentrate and pay attention to detail, brain feels foggy, rush through tasks without thought, going through the motions.

    Finally all the gold fish get through the net to the other side and I crash.  I feel depressed that all the gold fish got through my net again.  I feel worthless.  It affects my relationships and my work product.  I feel like I can’t control it and it effects everything negatively.  Then I put up a new net and it starts all over again.

    Nothing seems to really help get me back to normal or my body to a better place during this cycle.

    Lindsey

    in reply to: Need advice asap #336330

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I like the way you think.  I’ve never fully thought I was one specific diagnosis but small parts of many.  I’d like to know more about why your psychiatrist gave you that diagnosis and why you disagreed.

    is there anything you can recommend for my impulsiveness?

    lindsey

    in reply to: Need advice asap #336320

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    It’s what my psychiatrist says I have and it’s really the only thing I find that comes close to describing me I guess.

    my impulsivity and mood swings are causing havoc to my work and relationships.  Similar to bi polar when you feel great and stop taking your meds I do other things after a month or 2 like drink more caffeine, slack on exercise a bit,  feel like I don’t need to talk to my psychologist as much.

    All I know is that I’m sick of the roller coaster ride.  I’m really down and worried I’m going to end up losing my job.  It’s a very shameful feeling.  I also feel hopeless because I can’t sustain a sharp mind and attention to detail.

    Lindsey

     

    in reply to: Need advice asap #336296

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Look up Bi Polar spectrum disorder and it will match up with me more.  I’ve found through research that every person with bi polar has their own unique symptoms.  Most also have anxiety, ocd, ADHD, etc.  It can be very difficult to diagnose due to overlapping disorders.  I do not have any of the classic mania symptoms.

    I was misdiagnosed with major depressive disorder since 19.  I was not given my correct diagnosis of bi polar spectrum disorder until about a year ago.  Anxiety meds were making me have panic attacks which is a sign of bi polar.  Also none of the mainstream anti depressants were working.  In fact some of them made me more depressed.  Busapar gave me panic attacks

    lindsey

    in reply to: Need advice asap #336242

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I’m also calling my psychiatrist Monday to make an appointment.  I don’t think my meds are working enough.

    Lindsey

    in reply to: Need advice asap #336238

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    not sure where to start.  Apparently looking back I was having a bit of my bi polar version of mania: reactive, decreased cognitive abilities (concentration, poor attention to detail, over tired, irritable) it happens every 3-4 months I think. The mania is a slow build up I don’t realize what’s happening until I crash.  This has caused issues at work.

    I’m terrified of either losing my job or getting poor ratings.  The last year has impacted my performance at work.  I have a new boss that is really wanting to help me improve.  So far she has pointed out 2 areas of improvement and I’ve fixed them.  Friday was a really bad day at work I was in her office for awhile.  I can’t continue on this path and I’m so worried.

    To top things off, this am I went to pick up the kids I pads from my ex’s house. There was a card propped up right in front of them-strategically places of course. And I looked. It was from his girlfriend and she said what an amazing person he is and how lucky she is etc. and that she loves him.  They have been dating 2 months.  It feels overwhelming having to deal with her soon around the kids etc. I feel so overwhelmed.

    Lindsey

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 426 total)