Dear Simon:

You shared that when you were younger than 10, at home, there were “always… extreme shouting and swearing… it looked and sounded pretty violent“. You and your sister spent only 1-2 night a week at home, sleeping in your mother’s bed while your father slept in your room, and another night being babysat by your great uncle while your parents were out. The other 5 nights, you and your sister slept in the home of your next-door grandparents, or in your aunt’s home. Your mother cheated on your father, and when you were 10, your father moved out of the home and the two got divorced.

As a young teenager, you were “always being told how to think and feel“. and at 18, you had your first serious girlfriend. You distrusted her and cheated on her. At that time, you wrote, “my paranoid personality took over and I’ve lived a lie ever since“.

Currently, you are 49, married with five children, a business owner and a homeowner. On the outside, you look like “mr. successful father husband good guy” but on the inside, you feel “so so depressed… so so lonely”, keeping “the pretense going“. You question yourself, “are you happy doing this for the rest of your days… are you a good father good husband good son“?

Whenever you feel calm enough and so inclined, please share more.

anita