@helcat no I would not blame my friend I would support my friend if it was the other way around

no I don’t feel a desire to leave my marriage now at all .  I  do feel relief nothing happened as the fallout would be horrendous.  I suppose I do feel guilty that I considered it .

thanks honey blossom .

Tommy  thanks it does help to write it all out . And it’s a reminder to me how wrong it would have been .

Anita

you summed it all up exactly right .  How appt on you are . He told me once that I would never be lonely again . It was words to make me feel special because he succeeded in making me feel lonelier than ever .  How I realised he still loved his wife was a few red flags . One I asked him at Christmas for a phone call and he told me he would not be able to talk to me for 3 weeks .  The second one which is where I copped on . He told me he was booking a 3 week holiday as a surprise for his wife’s birthday ( 60) . I realised then i couldn’t hurt his wife and I couldn’t hurt my family and really I couldn’t hurt myself anymore .   Yes Anita it again made me all alone watching from the outside looking in on happy families.

i have had a good day today . I didn’t overeat and I ate healthy . I worked really hard and spent time looking after my inlaws and cooking for them .

Thank you for all the comforting words .  Makes a difference.