Dear anita

I am doing better than the first time I wrote here in this forum. Thank you for asking.

I changed my daily structure, talked to a career counselor (it didn’t help so much for deciding, but I received some good inputs and ideas), integrated more sport in my week, contacted a volunteer place (I will try to get a shift next week), applied for a barista job (unfortunately it didn’t work out, but that’s ok) and met two new people (it gives some different perspective and also self confidence to overcome the fear to meet strangers).

It sounds like I did a lot, but I still have a lot of free time where I feel overwhelmed with fear for my future, feeling of worthlessness, boredom and loneliness. Meditation helps, but probably I need to do it more often and regularly. Luckily sports help me to forget those suffocating feelings for a moment. But I do think a lot about my study. I feel a lot of fear to think to go back to my study and also about after graduting to apply for a job with my degree. I don’t think that I am good in what I am doing. So those thoughts and feelings didn’t change so much. But it will not change anyway if I don’t go back to university to overcome the fear or to change my major. What I am planing is to build my ressources again: hobbys and social circle. After that I will maybe see clearer what I will do with my study.

Sesha