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Sesha

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 39 total)
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  • #399621
    Sesha
    Participant

    Dear anita

    Thank you so much!

    Even if nobody can take away someone else’s pain, it still is comforting to know that there are people who care.

    I wish you a nice weekend.

    anita

    #399538
    Sesha
    Participant

    Dear anita

    Don’t worry. You gave me already a lot of input. I think what I need at the moment is time to keep practicing meditation and going on to have structure in my daily routine. I am also trying to change my life even if I don’t feel my best and when some things, which I have no control over, seem to be unstable.

    Sesha

    #399531
    Sesha
    Participant

    Dear anita

    strong emotional reactions: If I am talking with my father or seeing my little sister I can really feel that everything inside of me gets so angry. There is a tension that I really want to scream and blame them for making me weak and being a failure in life.

    chronic and significant emotional suffering and mental agony: The first few weeks in my vacation semester I could barely manage my emotions. I wrote a lot about these “suffocating feelings”, which make me suffer.

    Sesha

    #399495
    Sesha
    Participant

    Dear anita

    1) I do have more or less a daily routine. Recently I also began a little side job to keep occupied.

    2)

    (a) The attitude change towards these suffocating feelings is a good idea. To train to think differently from these feelings can possibly lessen that discomfort.

    (b) I tried that kind of methode a few times already. It still needs more time to feel a change.

     

    Anger is a part of the suffocating feelings. But I don’t feel like I will reject your suggestions. It is more the feelings at the moment to be behind in life and the stress about the study (which by the way I can see clearer what I want to do but fear a lot to take the jump into the cold water). And also to see others as mistrusting human being, who didn’t mean good with me (Sometimes I interprete behaviours of others very negatively even if it is neutral or there are no real intention behind). Therefore I feel rejected and lonely. Than I overthink and the suffocating feelings are very present.

    Sesha

    #399483
    Sesha
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I would appreciate it a lot if we could exchange experiences on that topic. What I do as emotion regulation is doing sport, taking a nap or meditate. So far it helped to get a moment of relief.

    anita

    #399458
    Sesha
    Participant

    Dear anita

    Thank you for giving some inputs about emotion regulations. I will look into that and try to find a way to regulate those feelings somehow. There for sure are enough material (internet, book ect.) to read about that subject.

    Sesha

    #399442
    Sesha
    Participant

    Dear anita

    About “I reach out for new people and new experiences”:

    Currently I strongly feel rejected and let down by my family. I also feel very lonely. Remember when I told you about my little sister, who seems to have a better life than me? I also want to have friends in my current city. I want people around me who I can rely on and with who I can share the joy of life. That’s the reason why I am actively searching people with more or less same hobbys and interest. The last weeks I tried some online platform and I met a handful of very nice people. Last weekend for example a hiking group organised a hike and I jumped over my shadow to meet them. That’s the kind of new good experience I am seeking. It feels good to be surrounded and accepted by like minded people. I don’t call them friends yet for sure. To build friendship it needs time. Trust comes with actions and time.

     

    If those constant “suffocating feelings” would not be there, then for sure I am a much different person. Everyone who is calm and free from negative feelings would be different in a positive way. Then I also would take the jump to change my career path, which take most of my mental energy.

    Regulating those “suffocating feelings” would be amazing. Honestly I haven’t done any worksheets yet. I read them but haven’t filled anything. I read a book, which is written by a psychologist, about self worth and how to improve it. But it didn’t work for me. It was more a principle of just doing the things what you are afraid of and just to stop talking/thinking badly about yourself. I also have to say that I am often trying to avoid to think about those suffocating thoughts. I rather meditate than write down those things.

    Sesha

    #399400
    Sesha
    Participant

    Dear Sesha

    You brought it to the point. I am able to rationalize that I am more than my performance, but emotionally I don’t believe it.

    Outside of my performance I am a person with a multifaceted personality. I can be calm and I like to be in the comfort of the familiar. But if I want I can also be funny, daring and adventurous. When seeking something new and exciting to break the cycle of boredom or routine, I reach out for new people and new experiences to discover other sides of my personality and interests. Even if I am a person of habit I like change in life. I like to be open minded for other perspectives and world views that can also help to reshape my opinions and reevaluate my values in a way that I think will do good for me and others. I am someone who deeply cares for people who I trust and feel connected with. Because I experienced how it feels to be disrespected, an outsider and be let down by others, therefore I care a lot not to do the same things to others. The past made me more sensitive towards uncertainty, closeness, trust and social conflicts, but on the same time I got access to a spectrum of emotions that make me also a more empathic and understandable person. The difficulties as a student, unwanted movings to other cities, leaving friends unwanted behind and the forced changes to become more resilient in every aspect of life, made me a more adaptable, humble and self-determined person.

    Sesha

    #399314
    Sesha
    Participant

    Dear anita

    That is difficult… Even if the weekend was really fun and I really enjoyed the time, I don’t really know who I am that is more than what I have or can. Now in this moment I unfortunately feel “those feelings” again. I’m going to try to think about it tomorrow with a clearer head.

    Sesha

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 5 days ago by Sesha.
    #399120
    Sesha
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I am aware that my performance should not be the main factor for being liked or accepted as human being. I am more than what I have and can. For me it is also difficult to pad myself on my shoulder for doing something great like achieving a goal or put myself in a unknown situation that scares me.

    I could gain good experience to trust people. That is something that gives me the courage to do it again and again. It was and still is hard to trust people. But I learnt on my way that dwelling on a situation that doesn’t occur yet, doesn’t help. There will always be risks that something will not work out and will hurt me. But the regret not trying will hurt more than taking the jump into the cold water with the possibility to get a good experience. The thought to always have the possibility to remove myself from a situation or to walk away helps me to trust myself. And I also think that time will tell if people, who I newly meet and trying to keep in touch, want to be friends or not. I still fear judgements of others and the risk that people could let me down. But trying to balance out the feeling with the thought that I will always stand by myself no matter what happens outside of me, help me to get going even if I feel bad about myself.

    Sesha

    #399102
    Sesha
    Participant

    Dear anita

    In context to my family I do feel very lonely. I do think that my parents don’t really know how to handle emotions, so they don’t even know how to handle mine. They used to say that I have no reasons to cry if nobody died. My father decouraged me in my young age to trust people in general. Because nobody cares if you are not good in what you are doing and even will try to push you down for their own benefits. It was a long and hard way to learn to trust and connect with people. There were a lot of hurtful experiences with people where I struggled alone. Even if I still struggle, I can at least say I changed to the better. I am trying to find connection outside from my family. I am more confident since I moved out. I need that physical distance to not fall back to the habits of helplessness and resentment towards my family. I really want people around me who get me and help me to grow as a human being. I want people I can rely on and trust. I want connections that matter to me not only in my best performance.

    Sesha

    #399099
    Sesha
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I hope that you slept well and could regenerate from your yesterday’s tiredness.

    “Suffocating feelings” is indeed translated from my language to english. I don’t know which other term I can use to describe those feelings. I can try to put it in words. It is a combination of feeling empty and at the same time it feels very heavy. Hopelessness and worthlessness is also present. Sitting with those emotions feels often lonely and very unsupportable. It feels like that nobody cares, there is no value in anything I do and life seems meaningless. Sometimes I think that it would be better just to die, because I can’t handle those emotions and I think the world is better off without me. If I exist, suffer or not, the world will always move on not matter what.

    I hope it gives you a big picture of my “suffocating feelings”. It is not the first time that those feelings occured, so I have some coping strategies. It doesn’t always work, but at least to stick to those strategies help not letting it get worse.

    Sesha

     

    #399074
    Sesha
    Participant

    Dear anita

    Thank you for asking how I am doing. It’s been a while. I am doing ok. There are moments where I feel down, but it also pass if I focus to take care of myself. How are you?

    I am impressed that you reanalysed our conversation. That must take a lot of time and effort. I appreciate that.

    Your conclusion makes sense to me.  I can rely to some of the traits of BPD. I know you have good intention to suggest to go to a mental health professional. But I still believe to tackle my thoughts, life circumstances and connection with trusting people, will help me to be more free from my suffocating feelings. At the end I have to regulate my emotions. And good experiences reinforces good habits and posivity towards life even if it sometimes feels like life will not get better.

    Sesha

    #397364
    Sesha
    Participant

    Thank you

    #397360
    Sesha
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I will continue with mindfulness and sport to regulate my mental health. I believe that I have the necessary tools to regulate my emotions. It takes time, constancy and practise to see any effects. I also need from time to time exchange with others to feel accepted and not alone on my journey.

    I feel more hurt than angry when I’m whining (“intense moaning”).

    Sesha

     

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 39 total)