strong emotional reactions: If I am talking with my father or seeing my little sister I can really feel that everything inside of me gets so angry. There is a tension that I really want to scream and blame them for making me weak and being a failure in life.
chronic and significant emotional suffering and mental agony: The first few weeks in my vacation semester I could barely manage my emotions. I wrote a lot about these “suffocating feelings”, which make me suffer.
I’ve been thinking and thinking how to reply to your recent post and couldn’t come up with anything I didn’t already post for you, some things I posted repeatedly. I want to continue to communicate with you (!) but I am stuck at the moment. Can you help me with any ideas as to what I can do for you?
Don’t worry. You gave me already a lot of input. I think what I need at the moment is time to keep practicing meditation and going on to have structure in my daily routine. I am also trying to change my life even if I don’t feel my best and when some things, which I have no control over, seem to be unstable.
I forgot to mention yesterday: congratulations for the side job you started!
In regard to your strong emotional reactions, intenseanger at your father and younger sister and your otherwise significant emotional suffering and mental agony– I wish I could take these away from you. I know how it feels. I suffered from bpd for decades (was diagnosed with bpd, but no longer fit the diagnosis).