March 15, 2022 at 2:59 pm #395230
Thank you so much for asking. That’s really thoughtful of you.
Unfortunately I don’t think that much changed. I’m still figuring out what to do with my life.
SeshaMarch 15, 2022 at 4:47 pm #395280
You are welcome, good to read back from you. Still “Feeling lost in life” (the title of your thread), “figuring out what to do with my life“, today. It’s okay to be lost for a little while longer.
Somewhere on page 2 of your thread, you wrote: “I don’t trust my ability to jump high and survive. I am very anxious that I won’t have a safety net to catch me if I fall” –
– here is my suggestion (do it or not, it is only a suggestion): when calm, maybe after a hot bath, alone in your room, listening to your favorite music, close your eyes and imagine yourself anywhere in this world where you’d want to be, alone or in the presence of whomever you wish to be with, doing whatever you want to do, with no fear of falling, no fear of failing, none whatsoever: where would you be, with whom, doing what?
Type away whatever comes to mind.
anitaMarch 17, 2022 at 11:17 am #395467
I wish to move back to the city where I made friends for the first time. I imagine to live there near the wonderful lake and the familiar environment. I am surrounded by good friends who always welcome me and accept me as I am. I feel like I am part of a family, somewhere I belong and can call home. I would play badminton with those friends and participate on tournaments with them. We would also have dinner parties at their homes and feel confy. From time to time we would go on adventures together like camping or travelling. I really wish to feel that trusting connection one day.
SeshaMarch 17, 2022 at 12:32 pm #395474
Two weeks ago, you wrote: “As a child, distressing emotions were not accepted if nothing tragic happened like somebody died“- For a child, not having a home that feels like home, day after day, year after year, a home where you feel safe, accepted and welcomed as you are, a home where you belong- is as tragic as if someone died!
This is why in your twenties, you still long for the kind of home you never had: “I wish to… (be) surrounded by good friends who always welcome me and accept me as I am. I feel like I am part of a family, somewhere I belong and can call home“.
“I would play badminton with those friends and participate on tournaments with them… From time to time we would go on adventures together like camping or travelling” – when a child grows up in a home where she feels like the odd one, she ends up feeling like the odd one in the world outside (“It feels like nobody can handle my oddity“).
When a child feels like she is accepted as-she-is at home, aka that she belongs at home, she ends up feeling that she is likely to be accepted in the world outside her home, and she feels comfortable enough to play and explore/ go on adventures.
But you can’t play and go on adventures, at least, not for long, when sooner or later, you feel like the odd one. Feeling like the odd one makes a person feel “uncomfortable in my own skin… so tense and nervous around people“- can’t play and explore feeling like this!
It will be difficult to get to the point when you feel regularly and on an ongoing basis comfortable and at home anywhere in the world, even by the wonderful lake you mentioned. It will take time and work to get to the point, but it is possible for you, so why not start this process, one step at a time. What are your current living circumstances, if you’d like to share?
anitaMarch 18, 2022 at 12:40 pm #395590
I agree with your reflection.
At the moment I am taking a break from my study. Because I didn’t plan ahead what to do, I’m currently doing nothing. It is shameful but I live day by day. It isn’t productive and good for me. I’m still figuring out what to do to not waste time like that.
SeshaMarch 18, 2022 at 1:23 pm #395593
By asking about your living circumstances, I meant, where do you live (in your own apartment by yourself, with roommates, in university dormitories? And how does a day in your life looks like, during the week and on weekends, what do you actually do?
anitaMarch 18, 2022 at 2:16 pm #395594
I live in my own small apartment in my study city not far from the campus. Normally I have lessons and self study during the week. In the evening I used to do badminton or Crossfit. On weekends I used to study.
Now my weeks are empty. I don’t have any obligations and don’t have to study. I quit badminton, because I don’t feel comfortable in the club. I am not motivated to go to Crossfit, because I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin to be around people. My current daily life is not productive or enjoyable. It is very boring and stupid. Most of my energy is wasted for screen time. Searching for a job or other possible occupation, but I don’t get active to apply. I also waste my time with watching movies or social media, what is really stupid. At least I go for a walk daily, I am trying my best to eat healthy and to sleep well.
SeshaMarch 18, 2022 at 2:26 pm #395595
I think that the first thing for you to do is to create a daily routine for yourself, a daily structure that you can rely on, a time when you get up, first thing you do when you wake up, second, etc.
“Feeling lost in life” is the title of your thread. First thing to do when lost in life, is create a daily structure.
I will be away from the computer for an hour or a few hours. If you want to, come up with a skeletal daily structure, include your daily walk in it.
anitaMarch 18, 2022 at 7:15 pm #395596
You wrote today: “Because I didn’t plan ahead what to do, I’m currently doing nothing… my weeks are empty” – plan every day on a piece of paper. List small tasks to do every day and when you accomplish each task, congratulate yourself, say to yourself good job! Fill each day with tasks (not too many) and your day will not be empty.
You wrote three days ago: ” I’m still figuring out what to do with my life” – don’t try to figure out what to do with your whole life, figure out what to do just today, one day at a time.
Thinking and getting overwhelmed with what to do your whole life, or the whole year… or the whole week is too much. Think of just today. List small tasks: no task is too small to list; no task is unimportant. Think and value each task as important. If you want to plan your day in the morning (I don’t know what time it is where you live), you are welcome to list your tasks here and get my thoughts about it.
“It is very boring and stupid… I also waste my time with watching movies or social media, what is really stupid” – watching a movie is okay, if it is one of the tasks you plan for the day, and as long as the movie is not boring or stupid… it won’t be boring or stupid to watch it!
March 19, 2022 at 4:25 pm #395691
- This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by anita.
I have a morning and evening routine that I follow pretty well. But the occupation during the day is quite difficult and I often think too much about my future. My thoughts during the day are often not pleasant and make it very difficult to get up in the morning. I am often also not motivated to cook for lunch.
8am: getting up, washing my face, breakfast
10am – 3pm: (sometimes sport, but often empty/screen time)
3pm-6pm: outside, walk, reading a few pages of a book
6pm: cooking dinner, watching a movie, surfing the internet
11pm: sleeping time
I am not happy at all with my current day structure. Especially because I don’t feel like I am doing anything valuable or enriching. I am thinking to get a job, volunteer and taking some courses to learn something new. I am especially missing the interation with people to exchange ideas and perspectives on different aspects of life. My friends don’t have time to talk or write every day with me and I don’t talk to someone every day. But because I haven’t applied any of my ideas, they are only empty words. To get over my blockade is so hard. I am always somebody who strives to accomplish something. And to have nothing to work for drives me crazy.
SeshaMarch 19, 2022 at 7:37 pm #395693
I will add suggestions to your plan: “8am: getting up, washing my face, breakfast“- start the morning with guided meditation, one of the Mindfulness meditation series by Mark William’s. One of the meditations is called “Sounds and thoughts”, another is called “Befriending meditation”, there are more, and they are excellent, and you can download them for free.
“10am – 3pm: (sometimes sport, but often empty/screen time)” – Incorporate here tasks in regard to looking for a job, volunteering, and/ or signing up for a course to study (“I am thinking to get a job, volunteer and taking some courses to learn something new“).
“3pm-6pm: outside, walk, reading a few pages of a book” – how about attending a yoga class and/ or a book club where you can be around people and/or exchange ideas with people (“I am especially missing the interaction with people to exchange ideas and perspectives on different aspects of life“)
“6pm: cooking dinner, watching a movie, surfing the internet” – consider doing one of the CBT worksheets/ exercises I mentioned to you Feb 28, available online (one source is think cbt. com/ CBT thought record)
“11pm: sleeping time” – add another guided meditation by Mark Williams, (or Mountain Meditation, or another of your liking).
anitaMarch 20, 2022 at 1:05 pm #395710
Thank you for your input. I will adapt my daily structure.
SeshaMarch 20, 2022 at 1:51 pm #395711
You are welcome, Sesha. Post again anytime you feel like posting.
anitaMarch 31, 2022 at 7:48 am #396622
How are you, Sesha?
anitaApril 1, 2022 at 2:59 pm #396689
I am doing better than the first time I wrote here in this forum. Thank you for asking.
I changed my daily structure, talked to a career counselor (it didn’t help so much for deciding, but I received some good inputs and ideas), integrated more sport in my week, contacted a volunteer place (I will try to get a shift next week), applied for a barista job (unfortunately it didn’t work out, but that’s ok) and met two new people (it gives some different perspective and also self confidence to overcome the fear to meet strangers).
It sounds like I did a lot, but I still have a lot of free time where I feel overwhelmed with fear for my future, feeling of worthlessness, boredom and loneliness. Meditation helps, but probably I need to do it more often and regularly. Luckily sports help me to forget those suffocating feelings for a moment. But I do think a lot about my study. I feel a lot of fear to think to go back to my study and also about after graduting to apply for a job with my degree. I don’t think that I am good in what I am doing. So those thoughts and feelings didn’t change so much. But it will not change anyway if I don’t go back to university to overcome the fear or to change my major. What I am planing is to build my ressources again: hobbys and social circle. After that I will maybe see clearer what I will do with my study.