@anita

Thank you for the information! I will have to do more research about the relationship between anger and pain.

One thing that I am aware of is that anger increases pain sensitivity. I read that it contributes to heart and breathing problems too. I have breathing problems and a high heart rate. So hopefully addressing this issue will help with that.

I have been practicing meditation on and off for many years. After learning that a lot of psychology is based on Buddhism I have been learning about it and committing to meditation regularly.

Communicating with you has been helping because it has focused my attention on the core issue. Whereas before it was unfocused and I was hyper vigilant looking for signs of abuse everywhere. I have been able to communicate better in arguments, they are less frequent and shorter now.

I think I’m finally ready to do some of the work that was unfinished in therapy.

I’m not entirely sure what I felt for my mother when she was weak and frail. There were a lot of complicated feelings. Disgust, pity, she was pathetic. She was a very sick woman mentally.

Yet, when she was starving herself to death in the hospital I told her that I would refuse to visit her if she didn’t start eating.

It was hard to cut off from her completely. It took a couple of years. Part of me wanted her to change so I could forgive her and continue the relationship. How was it for you when you cut contact with your mother?