I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, I’m 30 and he’s 33. We were long distance (LA to NYC) the first year or so until I moved to NYC. We lived together with 2 other friends in a big apartment during the pandemic as a fun thing to do with friends, but living with friends meant we rarely had alone time and I felt our connection weakening, so about 8 months ago, I decided I wanted to put my stuff in storage to go back to LA / CA for a month to decide if I wanted to move back (was supposed to only be a month or so). I remained undecided about if I wanted to go back, and in the meantime my bf and I decided to take advantage of not being tied down to an apartment and reunited every other month in a new city for a month stay in between going back to our parents’ houses. Along the way, I’ve doubted if I should stay with him because I’ve felt bored and because he didn’t want to move back to CA with me. Now, I have a renewed understanding of my own issues from childhood through therapy (fear of abandonment, fear of intimacy, disassociating and rushing to the “eject” button before dealing with those issues) that I feel ready to tackle with him to see how that changes how I feel, and I’ve also been clearer about my own needs, to which he has been immensely responsive and also has now even agreed to move to CA with me (after doing just one more year in NYC where his job is currently) and has been very clear that he wants to marry me. But for some reason, I still have dreams and feel my intuition telling me to end things and move to LA on my own and feel this impulse to run and do my own thing. I also feel anxiety about making him do the move to LA, like he wont be in his element there and it won’t be fun. I tried to break up, but it was too hard and I’ve now agreed to do another month in NYC to really work on rebuilding the intimacy to give it a real chance with this new understanding of my own issues that I hadn’t had before in case that changes how I feel intuitively before deciding on what to do. I don’t really want to be in NYC right now, but in the long run, if we do spend our lives together, it’s just a short term compromise to help him wrap things up in his current job and relocate eventually.

What I’m struggling with is deciding if I should just cut things off because of the dreams I’m having and maybe take it as a sign that we are just not meant to be together no matter what, or if it’s worth putting the effort in because relationships take work, and if I don’t, I’ll just eventually end up with another person and run into the same issues when I had something good here all along that just required work.