Dear PuChop:

You shared that you grew up in “a very dysfunctional family that skewed what is or isn’t normal“. As a result, you were “so stupid…. extremely naive and lonely” that you unknowingly worked for, and was abused by “manipulative and violent” employers (and by customers, a few of whom became part of your social group): “Everyone around me knew what was going on behind the scenes except me, and no one ever told me. I would have quit on the spot a long time ago with no remorse or guilt if I had“.

When you eventually found out what was going on behind the scenes, at the time that the pandemic started, you cut contact with those manipulative and violent employers, “disappearing on them… blocked their numbers“.

Ever since then, you “feel lonely, but the cure sounds more painful“. You are afraid to let anyone get too close. You work elsewhere. Married women flirt with you there, and coworkers act “like it’s no big deal“, egging you on to sleep with them. These people are making you “distrust people even more“. You think that you developed “an aversion to touch“, such as a simple touch on your shoulder or arm, and an aversion to people who are trying to get close to you. You keep your distance from people, or you act passive aggressively toward people. In the past, you were able to suppress your negative feelings (or not have them at all), but now, you feel unable to do that.

“I dunno what to feel or what I’m supposed to do. Everything in the past 3 years feels like a dream. Nothing feels real. Nothing really makes me excited or happy anymore. Everything feels flat, muted and gray” –

– mistreated at home growing up=> mistreated at the workplace as a grown up=> very distrusting people, angry at people.

This development is understandable. Those of us who were abused for a long time suffer the consequences of the abuse. The Law of Cause and Effect defined by Isaac Newton states that “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction“: it is true of physics, and it is true of our emotional lives. The Abuse you suffered is the Cause/ Action. Your negative feelings for other people, the excessive distrust, the aversion to touch, your loneliness and depression (“muted and grey“) … are the Effect/ Reaction.

I wrote excessive distrust because there really are plenty of people who are not trustworthy in this or that area, people who harm other people in a variety of ways, including the violent employers, the co-workers who were aware of what was happening behind the scenes and kept working there… and the married women who flirt with you and the co-workers who egg you on to sleep with them. So, some distrust is needed to minimize your chances to be harmed by others, and so to not harm others.

Please let me know what you think about my reply. I would like to communicate with you further.

anita