Wow thank you for all of the replies.

First I’ll respond to Anita:

-yes Anita everything you said is correct. you asked me ‘In what ways have you truly been a victim so far in life, please tell me.’ I’m not sure really how to answer this question. And it sort of makes me uncomfortable because I genuinely don’t feel I have any reason to feel like a victim but if I take a step back from my feelings: a time where I may have Truly been a victim is in middle school, I was often bullied, I was locked in a closet once, I was fat shamed- and due to that and my own Beliefs eventually led to an eating disorder, I was isolated, people would throw stuff at me, and eventually everyone pretended I didn’t exist. Sometimes I feel a victim when I think about an  old friend that I had for 7 years since kindergarten who left me because she made a new friend who didn’t like me. Sometimes I feel a victim in my own head when I cannot control my anxieties and fear. sometimes I feel a victim when people do not like me, and I’ll take it as a flaw I have. Sometimes I feel a victim because I feel so alone. Sometimes I feel a victim because I don’t have any grandparents. That’s about it I guess.

Suman: thank you. I really appreciate it. I rather enjoy meditation in the mornings.

Helcat: thank you. I just register to go to the local agricultural club in the coming weeks, a weekly club that I can go to. Thank you again honestly I really appreciate it.

thank you everyone, I really needed some guidance because I’ve been feeling so alone. I was wondering if anyone had any resources for structured journaling. I journal daily just to rant but I’ve heard it can help with emotional mastery. Thank you all.