Anita- sorry for the late reply been at work all day! wow, thank you. Much of  what you have said about my dad I think is really true. It all seems to connect. I talked to my dad today and it was a really nice chat. I’m happy with where it went. I won’t be able to move out until I’m done school in a few years- about 2-3 maybe 4. That’s my intro I guess, but you suggested that I list some issues and opinions and such. So I will.

I used to volunteer at a girls summer camp as a junior counselor, when I was 13-14. the camp was focused on emotional well-being and such- but other than that it was the usual outdoor focused- overnight summer camp. I loved that place because it felt like a place that I truly belonged to. People respected me and little kids looked up to me- but I ruined it for myself. There was lots of work to be done at the camp. Eg. branches off the trail, all equipment was back at the end of the day, all canoes were put away properly, porches swept, dishes done, fresh vegetables from the garden picked, bathrooms cleaned etc etc I since I was chosen to be a counselor took it as my duty to do as much as possible so I wasn’t a disappointment. Junior Counselors were often able to participate in many activities in order to bond with the campers. I during the day did all the chores listed above. I remember one day I was outside all day working and cleaning and I got heat stroke so bad I was throwing up- but I was so scared I’d be send home if I told the manager. I worked so hard- until one day the manager sits me down and asks why I don’t take breaks and starts insisting I take the next day to just chill with the campers.

T hat same summer later on, after I went home for a few weeks I went back and there were a new batch of senior counselors. The manager and I were fairly close and sometimes I got special privileges like staying up later, access to the staff room and access to the employee pantry and freezer with cookies and snacks and such. She then took it upon herself to bully me the two weeks I was a counselor. She would tell me I was annoying, dismiss me, she wouldn’t let me have access to the employee pantry- even though I was sn employee. She said I was incapable of doing anything correctly, she would try to tell me how to do my job, when I did my tasks she would accompany me and say that ‘I was only a junior counselor and was incapable of doing anything to a decent ability’. I was 14 and she was 27. She told me I talked too much when I chatted with my other counselor friends- she just didn’t like me. I’D be talking to the camp manager and she’d come interrupt the conversation, saying that I was annoying the manager and no one in their right mind would want to talk to me- that the manager was only being polite. The manager didn’t defend me. I never went back to camp after that , I was so scared I’d be bullied again.- it upset me so much – I felt like my ‘safe place’ was ruined. I was so upset that an adult could be that immature towards a child. I personally feel like that was wrong of her to act that hostile towards me, and that I probably should have told someone but I never once told on any of my ‘bullies’ It caused a lot of unworthiness and what’s wrong with me type of feelings. Sometimes I can’t help but feel like ‘the world is against me’ but I choose everyday to love and spread love the best that I can with my social anxiety.