Because you do not know the things to do

in my completely uneducated opinion there are some things about you that you are not wanting to face.. she thankfully interrupted these

Love is about understanding

I think many people struggle to find the balance between a relationship that remains just sexual and friendly and a relationship you are trying to groom into something like a marriage

You let your confusion become anger and then allowed yourself to display that outwardly..

There are tons of emotions and thoughts to choose before anger and a female who first meets someone would never want to feel controlled or fearful

My life says it is best to understand whatever it is you may have done.. don’t call and ask or email and ask.. if you are serious about her you will look seriously into you to find how to
Better please a woman of your dreams.. if she was one then now you know what to look for..
Maybe earn her forgiveness

My recent inquiries about anger tell me that I most often get angered when I am trying to control someone other than myself

Feel joy that you had the ability to attract the one and that you now have a better sense of what you really want.. Take time to see if you have some things you can do that you know will make you even more attractive and more of a keeper…

Bianca,

I’m sorry for the confusion and difficulties you’re going through, relationships can be exasperating to say the least! Take heart, because there is always a path to joy. There are a few things that came to heart as I read your words.

From the way you described the fast fall and quickly moving into planning marriage it seems as though there might be some codependent patterns in your life. Pia Mellody has some books that might resonate with you. She also has some stuff on YouTube, which you could check out and see if what she is describing fits. Whether it fits or not, feel free to ask more questions. The path of letting go is often about find where we’re sticking.

With warmth,
Matt

Bianca,

Have you considered talking to a counselor? Sometimes it can be helpful to sit and talk to someone about our feelings who is objective and well versed in difficulties and overcoming them.

In the mean time, consider picking up one of Pia Mellody’s books. Its not a magic solution, rather a way of shifting our patterns. One of the most important aspects of recovery from codependent behavior is self-nurturing. We can do this in any number of ways, such as meditation, yoga, bubble baths, going for a walk in nature, creating art, reading books. As we do nice things for ourselves, we begin a process of generating self love… which is deserved and needed!

With warmth,
Matt

Bianca,

If you need a little help becoming motivated down a path of self caring, consider that as we become good to ourselves, we naturally attract loving partners. Perhaps when you look at the way you were treated by the girl, there are some parallels with the way you treat yourself? Said differently, it is far easier to engage and maintain a healthy intimacy when you look for it from a place of inner stability and self-nurturing… much like a chef is better at crafting food after she has eaten, because her hunger influences her perceptions of food.

I wonder if your dream girl would have looked and felt much different if you had not been so hungry. Perhaps that hunger caused you to gorge and get indigestion? Doesn’t it feel painful enough that shifting into a practice of self-nurturing is the only thing that makes sense?

With warmth,
Matt