Dear anita,

What hurt me regarding the list were not the things that were on it. When i look at each item i understand and understood back then why my ex wrote them.

What made it so painful was that i asked her for so long (1 year) what she was discontent about, regarding the relationship or myself.

She told me each time that everything would be fine when it was clearly not. I even thought ahead and asked her if shes fine with me sleeping longer than her, she said no problem. And then this was an item on her list.

I never pressured her to talk to me about her deeper feelings and i always accepted her boundaries when she said that she didnt want to talk. I just couldnt stand the distance she put between us and never explaining why. Never explaining why she changed, why she didnt tell me about her daily life anymore. I accepted this, even though it hurt a lot. And then me pressuring her is an item on her list.

I always understood that she was anxious about my suicidal thoughts, thats why i was always working and myself and my problems. As i told before, i made big progress regarding that problem and up until now never having ,,super depressive”-episodes again. I never stopped thinking about what to do next regarding my illness and i was always honest to her about that. And then this is an item on her list.

As she told me, the list wasnt just a collection of suggestions for improvement, it was ,,whay went wrong” and ,,why she behaved that way towards me” during the last year. That way being so painfully distanced, passive-aggressive, controlling and full of lies. And this is why it was hateful: a list of things i would have to improve for her to stop being ,,that way towards me”.

Ed