Dear Kittu

I hope you are doing well.I am very much confused about from where to start.This does not only happen with boys.I am a girl,single child to my parents.I belong to so called upper caste and my boyfriend of 3 years belonged to low caste.My family is very much dysfunctional.Where i am constantly blamed by my father for being the reason of misery and no property given to him by my grandfather.  MY boyfriend and  I shared a beautiful relationship.Those 3 wonderful years.I would say that was the only part of my life where I had contentment. I am currently pursuing masters.I am 23 and my boyfriend (25) he is working in an MNC.Although it was not the right time for me to tell at home but it so happened i had to tell my parents about him.My parents otherwise would have been cool about it.But due to caste issue things went out of control.My boyfriend was not hopeful about our future.He was afraid both of us will not be able to move on and that i am so much attached to him I might do something to myself.And that he’ll not be able to take it.He wanted to part ways without me telling at home.But i was so Afraid of loosing him and I so firmly believe in fighting for Love.even when i am not settled in career yet there are so many issues going on with my family I told my parents.Its been 6 months.He has asked to not to fight for it.He is not ready to put me through this struggle.And also the shame or whatever it will bring to my family as per society.Also that his parents will not be comfortable because my parents will not treat his family as equal.He is financially far better than me. It’s been 6 months that we have talked only 2 3 times. I tried to talk to him and convince him to let me take a stand nd fight for it but he just asks me to focus on my career and that time will heal this.I was very much devasted or i still am maybe.I have left talking to my parents and my family.Sometimes my mother says that she will meet him and that her and my father are with me.But then next day she says this is not possible.you have brought shame to us.I am called shameless characterless and what not.That i was sent here to study and not to do such things. I have just lost that connection to anything.I was so suicidal at a point where I was continuously looking at the fan and wanted to take my life.but that too takes hell of a courage.My parents have stopped putting effort to talk to me.I am currently living far from them but in few days my masters will be completed and I have no idea if my parents are going to take me home or what they are going to do with me.my mother said other day that she is going to gather all relatives and get me beaten and that’ll fix my mind.And because she and my father who themselves had love marriage which has failed successfully she says there’s nothing like love all men are same.you’ll understand this in few months.How you’ll live in his family.he is low caste .from nikrist jaati and what not.Lines like mujhe shanka hoti hai.I don’t know whether I should fight for it or not.But either ways my relationship with my parents and family is doomed .In the name of family i only had my my mother and my maternal grandparents who have now stopped talking to me.

I feel so much void that is eating me continuously.its been more than 3 months I haven’t talked to my parents or him or anyone in the family.Just like a leaf in the ocean i feel lonely.I have exams going on .I have exam tomorrow too but here I am writing this.I was already carrying do much trauma from my parents who are constantly abusing each other and fighting and now this thing .It has left me in silence.I am afriad i will ever be able to do this again.I don’t trust my parents with my life.I don’t believe they can find me what i need in a man.And i am not even sure now that my boyfriend ex probably had that in him or not.Because he says things like things will get very dirty the more and more people will get involved in this and choose peace.

I am so lost in life.I barely can see anything ahead.i wanted to run away at a point but then here I am. cried to the point where my tears have dried now.Its so lonely.Like i don’t have anyone.My father even says that he’ll rather burn me if i die by suicide than consider this guy. So Idk.I saw that love in his eyes for me. and now ….

I would be glad if someone has something to say about this.