Dear anita

After reading all the 13 pages with dedication it has helped me alot to understand my problem which is fear.I fear a lot in a way that I can’t perform my daily activities somehow I have found peace with my those nagative thoughts that they just came to make feel bad . Usually at night I feel better knowing that iam a straight male as I fell asleep imagining the life with the women I love raising children together but when I wake up those thoughts came back and make my day horrible because I know iam straight and lam attracted by women as because even now as iam affected by this thoughts I get turned on by women clearly iam sexually attracted to them . Iam scared that l will never be in a relationships with a girl coz those thoughts make feel less a man keep asking my do I truly love my women crush’s enough or will I ever love a women enough or will l lose sexual interest in girls one day iam really confused sometimes want to be in love with the girl l love sometimes I don’t want love I even ask my self if it is because I grow up without a father I didn’t experience the love of a father because all my friends had girlfriend during our school days until now but I never had any I always wanted to focus on my studies building my future . Even though I know lam straight attracted to girls and have crushs  but iam always scared of entering in a relationship with a girl clearly I don’t know what to do