Dear Sun:

I am impressed that you read through the 13 pages of this thread, and I am therefore motivated to answer you further. First, I will repeat what you shared with quotes (I will be grammatically edit the quotes a bit for an easier read).

You shared that you are 20. All your friends had girlfriends when you went to school, and still do, but although you are sexually attracted to women, you “never dated anyone before… never had any (girlfriend). I always wanted to focus on my studies… always scared of entering a relationship with a girl”.

You therefore question your sexuality, thinking that maybe you are gay or otherwise, “less a man”.

“Something in my mind keeps on saying that I am less a man… … Usually at night…  I fall asleep imagining life with a woman I love, raising children together, but when I wake up those thoughts (questioning my sexuality) come back and make my day horrible… I am scared that l will never be in a relationships with a girl coz those thoughts make feel less a man…  will l lose sexual interest in girls one day..  I am really confused: sometimes I want to be in love with a girl; sometimes I don’t want love. I ask myself if it is because I grew up without a father and didn’t experience the love of a father”-

– my feel/ guess at this point is that you are afraid to be in a relationship with a woman not because you are gay or less of a man, but because you have had a problematic relationship with your mother. Maybe (I am only guessing here), maybe because your mother does not have a husband, she turns to you for emotional support of the kind that a son should not be giving his mother. For example, she may be telling you too much about how she feels, as if she is your age, or you are her age, as if you are a friend instead of a son. Anything like that?

anita