Hi, I am going through the same thing. I am female, I don’t have a boyfriend currently and I’m still in my teen years. A few weeks ago I thought I started to question my sexuality however, I now know that it is a constant intrusive thought in my mind. I can’t stop thinking about how I could be bisexual and these thoughts are there because I’m in denial. I don’t know why this started to happen, it wasn’t triggered by anything and I’ve never questioned my sexuality before now. It feels like I’m drowning and when I’m really deep in thought about it, I have no motivation to achieve anything I want to like school work or going outside. Anytime someone mentions something about the lgbtq+ community or a gay couple comes up on TV I get a huge wave of anxiety that comes over me and a voice in my head saying either ‘that’s you’ or ‘thats what happens to people like you’ . When this happens I begin to panic and sometimes I’m able to stop it by telling myself that it is an intrusive thought and other times it worries me for hours. I don’t know where any of this has come from as I have never been attracted to the same sex and when I see someone attractive of the opposite sex I use it as prove that I’m not attracted to both. I have never had the desire to be with someone of the same sex but when these thought come up I can’t stop thinking about how I could have these desires, even though before all of this happened when I looked and people of the same sex I wouldn’t think anything of it and to be honest I still don’t now. However, these thoughts have almost convinced me that I liked one on my close female friends and I don’t know why or how. That’s the only part of this that has happened before, when I was watching a series a few months ago and a straight girls best friend was lesbian and had always liked her. I think this was probably the long winded start to all this because I had a weird dream about me and her I don’t really know the details of what happened, this worried me too and sort of curled the fire but when I spoke to her in school the next day, there was nothing there, not even a tiny glimpse of feeling for her. Just two friends. Which is what I don’t understand because, I am aware that it’s all in my head yet these fears of being bi constantly torment me and give me anxiety. For example; I was hanging out with her the other day, there was a boy at the place we went to and I couldn’t stop thinking about how he would rather her over me because I look like a lesbian and for some reason I thought he would think I liked her, even though I don’t and I know that for a fact. I know this because I can see that she’s pretty but have no feelings, I think these weird thoughts based around her happen because I’m a tiny bit jealous of her because she’s always talking with a new boy. Which I’m fine with, I just feel like I’m out of the loop especially because most people know who she’s talking with and I’m scared that because I’m her close friend and no one knows much about me that they’ll start assuming things about me like my thoughts.

I haven’t told my friends or anyone apart from my mum about this whole thing and she said she doesn’t think I’m questioning my sexuality she thinks I’m just overthinking a thought that has no real reason behind it which is why it is worrying me so much. This conversation helped me for a while and I do believe what she said but the thoughts keep coming back stronger and I just want them to go away because it’s not the real me. Also I know my parents and most people would be fine with it if I was bi or gay but I’m not and I don’t ever want to be and every time I think about it I feel sick and my heart starts racing with anxiety and I don’t think that’s normal. I have had OCD before for something completely different e.g. washing hands constantly and shutting doors because I thought something will happen to me or my family. I’m also aware that I over think pretty much everything as it’s in my genes for example; when I look in the mirror I feel like I look like a lesbian and I hate it. Sorry if that sounded mean but it’s just not me and I know all of this isn’t me and isn’t what I want because I know I want a boyfriend maybe not right now though because I feel like I’d fail him and when I say I want a boyfriend even that feels so so distant because the thought of me being bi has just taken over my brain. I want closer friendships too because I feel like I’m always drifting on the outside of friendship groups which I also hate. Most of my friends either have boyfriends, are talking to boys or are interested in boys but don’t want a boyfriend at the moment which is how I feel too but anytime I think about it it ends with me upset and thinking that I don’t have a boyfriend because I look like a lesbian and could be bisexual and in denial. I hate it. I hate feeling like this. I hate that I’ve wasted most of the school holidays feeling and thinking like this. I just want my normal life back. I know I’m straight but I can’t seem to accept that and my thoughts tell me otherwise. I want me back, the me who dreams of the perfect job in the perfect future because that’s what used to make me happy and now every time I try to be happy these thoughts are stopping me and I can’t distract myself by doing something different because the thoughts don’t go away. I can’t deal with it anymore and I just want someone to give me advice on how to stop it. I’m so scared about these thoughts and I just want them to leave me alone and at the moment the only way I feel I can do that is to tell people I’m bi when I’m not and I know you’re not supposed to act on intrusive thoughts. I’m also unable to get therapy as I’m underaged so everyone please share what you did to get through this. I need this to go away, someone please  help me.

P.S. Sorry if some of that didn’t make sense, I find it hard to describe my thoughts and feelings without something not making sense!