Home→Forums→Relationships→Lost and losing hope
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Anonymous.
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August 30, 2022 at 6:13 pm #406355
AnonymouscatParticipantI have been dating a girl online for 2.5 years. We love each other and talk to each other daily. We are in different countries. She says her parents won’t approve and she never gives me a timeline on when she willing to come over to me. I don’t know what to do.
August 30, 2022 at 10:14 pm #406360
AnonymousGuestDear Anonymouscat:
Did you ever meet her in-person, or was all your communication online or on the phone? (I will be back to the computer in about 9 hours from now).
snita
August 31, 2022 at 10:13 am #406389AnonymousGuestDear Anonymouscat:
You wrote that she told you that her parents will not approve of a relationship/ marriage with you, and you wrote that she can’t give you a timeline to when she’ll visit you in a different country than hers. I am guessing that if she is dependent on her parents’ approval, she will not be able to leave her country to see you with their approval. And so, the only way for her to visit you is to lie to her parents… ?
I hope to read more from you and discuss your situation further. Maybe it will help you just a bit.
anita
September 1, 2022 at 1:01 am #406408AnonymouscatParticipantBasically she would be giving up everything her family/frds to come be with me. Am I being selfish ?
September 1, 2022 at 1:02 am #406409AnonymouscatParticipantWe met only online we video chat or call everyday for past 2.5 years the reason I haven’t gone to visit her was because of COVID
September 1, 2022 at 2:06 am #406410
HelcatParticipantHi Anonymouscat
International travel has been possible for a while now, it is just expensive. Is expense a factor that has been preventing visits?
It can be really difficult to manage long distance relationships unless there is enough money to travel.
September 1, 2022 at 4:23 am #406411
ArdenParticipantMaybe you can also visit her to encourage as well, would that something you would be able to do? Have you seen each other in 2.5 years?
September 1, 2022 at 10:28 am #406417AnonymousGuestDear Anonymouscat:
“We are in different countries… She says her parents won’t approve… Basically she would be giving up everything her family/friends to come be with me. Am I being selfish?“-
– If the plan is that she will travel to your country for a visit with you and then go back to her family and friends in her own country, then yes, it would be selfish of you to have her visit you.
If the plan is that she travels to your country for a life together with you, as a wife, and if the two of you have a practical plan to make such a life-together possible in your own country, then it wouldn’t be selfish of you to have her travel to your country.
You wrote “the reason I haven’t gone to visit her was because of COVID“- but you want her to travel to your country in spite of Covid? I mean, if you are worried about your health, aren’t you worried about her health?
“I have been dating a girl online for 2.5 years. We love each other and talk to each other daily… We met only online we video chat or call every day for past 2.5 years“- you’ve been virtually dating, virtually loving each other. Not in real-life.
In summary, two thoughts: (1) I don’t think that it is a good idea for her to visit you because if she does, she’d have lots of trouble with her family and friends when she returns to her own country.
(2) I don’t think that it would be a good idea for her to travel for the purpose of living with you as a life-partner if the two of you do not have a practical-financial plan to make it happen. Also, what if you met irl for the first time.. and any one of you does not like the other in real-life?
anita
September 2, 2022 at 12:45 am #406530
TeeParticipantDear Anonymouscat,
You said on another thread (“Emotional blackmail by Indian father against love marriage”) that you are in a similar situation like the original poster there. Here on your thread you said: “her parents won’t approve and she never gives me a timeline on when she willing to come over to me.”
Does it mean that her parents are against your relationship due to religious/cultural reasons, and they will never approve of it, no matter what? If so, and if she tends to abide by her parents’ will, then I am afraid you don’t have much prospects to be with her.
However, if there is a chance that their parents would change their mind, or that she would become more willing to stand up for herself and go against their will – then it makes sense to try and deepen the relationship. In that case, I think the first sensible step would be for you to visit her – not to expect her to visit you, because the latter will be much more difficult. If you visit her, you’ll both have the chance to see if you are compatible and decide on further steps.
Basically she would be giving up everything her family/frds to come be with me. Am I being selfish ?
If you expect her to visit you or to even move to your country without ever having met in person, and with her parents objecting – that would be asking too much of her and putting her in a very difficult situation. So yes, that might be selfish. But if you travel to visit her (provided she agrees to it), you put the pressure off of her, and are doing what you can to take the relationship to the next level. That in my eyes would be the best next step, if it’s feasible to you.
November 5, 2022 at 8:33 am #409662AnonymousGuestHow are you, Anonymouscat?
anita
November 9, 2022 at 5:37 pm #409853AnonymouscatParticipantI’m ok 🙂 how are you?
November 9, 2022 at 7:35 pm #409861AnonymousGuestI am fine, thank you, Anonymouscat: good to read that you are okay. Any time you want to share more and would like my input, please let me know.
anita
November 9, 2022 at 8:46 pm #409866AnonymouscatParticipantI don’t know what to do….
November 10, 2022 at 8:15 am #409877AnonymousGuestDear Anonymouscat:
You ended your original post on Aug 30 with “I don’t know what to do” as well as your most recent post two months and 10 days later (Nov 9): “I don’t know what to do“. You’ve been virtually dating a young woman from another country (never having met her in person) for 2.5 years and you’ve been waiting for her to visit you, but she says that her parents will not approve of a relationship with you. As far as what you can do: (1) you can end the virtual relationship, and in the future, seek a real-life relationship with a local young woman, (2) you can perhaps travel to her country and visit her there, (3) you can wait and wait… for (what) to happen?
anita
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