I really need your help.

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This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 3 months ago by Macintosh.

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August 19, 2013 at 2:28 pm #40769

viida
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Hi everybody, Its my first time writing here. i really need your help.
There is this boy. I like him and i know he likes me back because he told me. We hung out a few times and went to cinemas and stuff. Unfortunatley we had to end our relationship because of reasons and it totally broke me just as much as it broke him. He tried to keep the contact and he regularly texted me (its a thing with us,this texting, we really did that a lot) around april we ended our romantic relationship but until now we keep on texting and we see other in school too.
I know that he STILL likes me because why would a boy always text you or make sure to text you back and apologize if hes not responding properly? Thats what my friends are telling me too.
But i know that he feels that he may bug me when he writes me when its really not the case. I’m so sad that we cant text freely anymore like we used to. I’m having the same issues, thinking i could get on his nerves for texting him…The problem is that we want to talk to each other but we both think that we might bug each other… I used to text him whenever i wanted and so did he. Now i have to think a gazillion times before i write and i’m sure he does too. I know him enough to say that he wants to write me but he cannot get the courage. Now I’m scared that whenever i text him he wont respond because he has to show me that he doesnt need to talk to me when i really feel that he wants me to text him! .. i am so tired of this game and i already told him once that he should just talk to me when he feels like it and not make a big deal out of it! I really try to be the one who talks to him whenever i want, in hope he will understand that hes not getting on my nerves. Although i carry this burden myself everytime i start the conversation..fearing that he doesnt want to talk to me or hast better things to do…please help me i dont want to feel like this anymore. I’m so stressed and this boy is emotionally stressing everything out of me. he really brings me down. At the same time he is always the one who gets me up again after we have a great conversation. Its so paradox and i hate it. I wish it wouldnt bother me so much, i want to let go of this feelings but i cant. How can i make clear that i want to maintain this wonderful friendship and that i value him and it doesnt matter when he texts me! How can i make it clear while i’m having the same problems as him?? Please help me and thank you.

August 19, 2013 at 3:05 pm #40772

Matt
Participant

Viida,

Have you considered talking to him about it? Friendships are better when they are transparent. What I mean is sometimes you just have to jump in and see where it goes. Perhaps you could just tell him what you’re feeling, fear of texting him and all. Why not? If he’s your friend, and himself doesn’t like playing the game, it could be a lot of relief.

Moving from romance to friends is pretty tricky. Are you still interested in him in that way? That might be adding to the fear on your side as well. Or, it might mean that you’re assuming you know his side when you don’t. That’s why its best just to be open!

With warmth,
Matt

August 19, 2013 at 6:17 pm #40780

Buddhist Wife
Participant

Matt is right. Second guessing gets you no-where.

August 20, 2013 at 3:12 am #40817

viida
Participant

Firtsly i would like to thank you for your responding, Matt!

And yes you are right, i still have feelings for him, thats why ist so hard for me to just let it go. I will try to talk with him about it because you made a point with him not wanting to play that game too. Its not easy for me to just talk about it and be open but i will sure give it a try 🙂

August 20, 2013 at 3:12 am #40818

viida
Participant

Thank you for your reply and I agree with you! :/

August 20, 2013 at 6:29 pm #40864

Andy
Participant

Talk in person and end the logistical mix ups. One of the first things that can make relationships better is to make it habit of only using texting to have day to day conversations and not to talk about big issues or problems and concerns. The texting mix ups are avoiding the bigger problem of this relationship which is the confusion of where the relationship stands.

August 20, 2013 at 9:53 pm #40889

Macintosh
Participant

Not knowing what is going on is worse than knowing! And, texting is non personal as you can’t really get a feel of the other person texting, it’s too easy to take something the wrong way or out of context. I’m kind of in the same boat as you, different circumstances but the feelings of confusion and pain are the same.

Sooner rather than later you need to either make peace with how things are and make yourself care less (invest less emotion and effort into him and the friendship) so he won’t have such an affect on your moods and emotions (I know, been there, it sucks!) or decide if it’s worth having him as a friend this way. Ask yourself what you are getting out of it.

It’s really hard to be ‘friends’ with someone you love/have a crush on, or if you’ve broken up and trying to be just friends.
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