Dear Robi1992:

Again, I am happy and surprised to see your post and to read from you! And then, to read that you “made it big time actually” and that your “mind and body (are) stronger” made me feel even better! I read the details of your life in the last 2 years and 10 months and it seems like you are one of the many people who benefited from the pandemic lockdown: it freed your mind from how you should live life  and made it possible for you to live your life the way you felt like, no should-s, and no guilt about it.

C o N g R a T u L a T i O n S   for all your successes and achievements in the last few years!

“I left (Spain) because I couldn’t be the person I used to be there. I was feeding my ego and I’ve been doing it all my life. Getting a lot of attention from both females and people in general fed my ego big time, the parties etc. Made me live a superficial life. I did enjoy it, It was amazing“- I think that the attention felt amazing because positive, personal attention and honest, comfortable connection with others is what you craved for but didn’t experience growing up.

“So, now I live in Poland. I work online, I’m still half lazy… There are many questions arising: Why did I leave Spain really?“- back in June 2018, you shared that you wanted back then to “Go somewhere new and just start a new life” and I guess Poland has been that somewhere new, most recently.

What did I run away from? What pain was I trying to numb while seeking attention?“- the pain of your childhood experience: the lack of attention, the lack of honest and comfortable emotional connection with your parents and with others… the endless emptiness.

“It has been a little difficult for me lately. It all felt right for me to leave Spain, and once I’ve done it, it started to feel overwhelming  to be here, to do all this. You know why? Because there are less ways to escape here. Here I have no parties to… feeling at times frustrated and confused I have to say. It’s damn hard… I find it sometimes very difficult to connect to my girlfriend, at times I feel things are getting boring“- It’s the childhood experience again. Like I wrote to you years ago: as adults we keep re-living our childhood emotional experience: wherever we are, there it is. The good feelings of escaping (a country) and distracting (parties) don’t last long. Even a new relationship doesn’t replace the childhood experience.

“I believe I’m struggling with some sort of ADD…I have done a lot of thinking in the last 2 years, I’ve replayed many things from my childhood. As you said a few years ago… it’s all there. I’ve learned a lot about it. I see what triggers me, how and why… Surely I am not a beginner anymore.. So this is me now, writing from Poland. I’ve started a new chapter and I’m both excited and overwhelmed… And thank you for thinking of me! That means a lot! Sending much love your way and I hope to hear from you soon!“-

– You are very welcome and thank you for the love you sent my way: back to you! I think that quality psychotherapy in Poland will be a very significant part of your new chapter.

anita