Dear Katrine,

I said i shut down because of my anxiety, it only happens when i really like someone so really it’s a compliment.

Okay, that’s clear enough. If he wanted to pursue a relationship with you, he would have reacted to that and told you something like “I like you too…” and it would have progressed from there. But since he didn’t, unfortunately it does mean he doesn’t want a relationship with you. It still doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you, but as we have discussed before, it could be because he fears intimacy. One of your colleagues said “that guy is all over the place (referring to his mental health)”, so it wouldn’t be a surprise if he is confused or scared or anxious to be in a relationship.

i think i should try and not take this too personally. My worth is not determined by if a man is with me or not.

Definitely! Don’t think that you aren’t good enough or worthy enough, just because he said no. There is nothing wrong with you, and you can hold your head high!

The way I see it, the reason he didn’t invite you to his birthday could be two. One is that he likes you and that’s why he feels he feels he cannot stay friends with you, without his anxiety going up. He cannot just nonchalantly talk to you, pretending he has no feelings for you, when in fact he does.

The other reason could be that he doesn’t want to give you false hopes. He may think that by inviting you, it will get your hopes up about a possible relationship, and he doesn’t want that. So he is kind of preventing things to go in a wrong direction.

So he might be minimizing the chances of things becoming “too friendly” between the two of you again – either to protect himself or to protect you.

one the girls (the one adding pressure on me before the date) asking people to join her after work for drinks (last friday and today) but didn’t included me. Do now i feel both heartbroken and like i am slowly being cut off for some reason.

Is that the girl who was flirting with him at the bar (when you left without saying goodbye)?