Dear Anita

Sending hugs to T, on their gender identity. I feel like for many trans people  who are questioning their identity it’s helpful for them to use gender-neutral pronouns as they work on building themselves up. Most trans people are okay with people using they/them pronouns for them as they explore their gender identity. They/them refers to a person who doesn’t fit into the binary gender spectrum and the transgender community  consists of those gender-nonconforming  individuals. Over time as T, starts to explore support groups they might decide they want to use he/him pronouns. Sometimes it’s hard for trans people to express themselves from the start because society tends to have different expectations of gender and it takes time for people to explore themselves. There may be some initial confusion at first and that’s okay. Support groups are very helpful since they allow people to connect with others who are feeling the same way. Oftentimes children growing up born as a biological sex male or female learn certain gender expectations for society or their parents. But gender is a spectrum and there’s different genders outside the binary. When children feel a “disconnect ” with their gender identity from their biological sex then they may be experiencing gender dissonance since their gender identity doesn’t match their biological sex. Support groups like local lgbtq groups in the community can be helpful for the child questioning their gender identity because they will be among other individuals where they can learn more about things and be free to express themselves more. A website, I enjoyed was allymoms made by the mother of a trans son. She made the website for trans people to talk with people online that helped them connect with resources in their location. A trans person  could talk with a mom that understood their feelings and feel validated. Since support groups for trans people are now becoming more common, it’s significantly helped with trans people’s mental health. Some libraries have trans books that are very helpful. There is no set age that a person can know that they are trans. Since children often learn about gender when they are five years old, they will likely start forming a grasp of their gender then. Gender dysphoria is often very common during the teens because people as they hit puberty will feel insecure about their bodies. Gender dysphoria is the intense feeling that the body that the person is developing doesn’t match how they feel and this can provide lots of anxiety for people. For trans people gender dysphoria might be early before teens but in teens it tends to become more noticeable. Not all trans people have intense gender dysphoria and some have less gender dysphoria. Having supportive environment can help T work through their feelings.  Many trans people who have a supportive environment will have lower depression and anxiety. Maybe they can talk with a gender therapist and start wearing gender neutral clothes. Usually, when socially transitioning and wearing gender neutral or male clothes a person identifying as a transmale feels happy. Exploring what makes you happy is what’s a good plan.

Hugs anita, thanks for all your insights