Dear Kaya:

First, “If I ask anyone in here, will you review my letter and can you please let me know you understand what I really want to and mean to say in the letter?” -yes, absolutely. You are welcome to present here a draft of your letter and I will give you my feedback and suggestions.

I will paraphrase what you shared (because it helps me understand better when I rewrite information): you are over 50, work daily in the position of a director and expected to not make friends in the workplace. At times you do volunteer work, but in a backstage position where you don’t get to socialize. Overall, you have no friends, and weekends and holidays are difficult for you because you are alone. You’ve been with your now ex-boyfriend for over 6 years. Two months ago, he angrily told you that he didn’t want to talk to you for 5-10 years. You believe that your misbehavior within the relationship are the reason for the breakup, and upon the breakup, you immediately contacted a therapist and started therapy for the purpose of changing the  misbehaviors that led to the breakup, therapy still ongoing.

A month ago, he contacted you and repeated contact a few times a week. The two of you went bike riding, had dinners together, and there were hugs and kisses. During an overnight stay, you wore pajamas,  he was naked and the two of you cuddled “but nothing happen“. There were more hugs and kisses the next day. You told him that you are getting mixed signals from him and he told you that you are over-reacting “and no romance between us“.

You took responsibility for the troubles and ending of the relationship with your now ex, saying that the occasional arguments and fights within the relationship were caused mostly by your behaviors, that it was your  “weakness, childish, short temper (sometime) and pushing him, etc.“, the etc. includes you having had trouble expressing your feelings, saying no, but not explaining why, being impatient, wanting to “talk NOW“.

“I want to be a better person… willing to change myself“- and you are working on it in therapy and otherwise, with the understanding that it will take time, steps forward and backward. You want to reconcile with your ex and “work together” with him on having a good relationship this time around.

“No excuse but English is my second language..“- do you mean that English is your ex’s first language and your second?

anita