Dear Csihdu:

You are welcome, and good to read that you were doing a little better when you last posted. I hope you still are!

“I struggle with extreme abandonment issues. Even when I say goodbye to people I get anxious I won’t see them again, that they don’t like me, that I annoyed them. Huge fear of being alone. That’s probably the toughest battle I have right now if you have any advice“- to start with, every night as you lie in bed, ready to fall asleep, imagine a comforting figure (a person who at times made you feel safe to be with, maybe your mother who passed away when you were 10, maybe a teacher, maybe a TV/ movie personality who has this effect on you), and imagine that person holding a child- the child being you- arms around you. Feel the warmth of this person arms, gently rocking back and forth, perhaps, humming a song, maybe- whatever comforting interaction suits you. Take slow, deep breaths as you take the image in.

If you do this (or already did), Csihdu, let me know how it goes. Later on, if you wish, you can visualize saying goodbye to this or that person in a relaxed kind of way- as a mental/ emotional preparation for future, real-life goodbyes. (We have to imagine something happening a certain way before we can begin to believe that it is possible for us).

“I met with my ex-partner and asked hm to give me another chance…  We are speaking again now although taking things slow“- slow will be tough for you on the long-run, wouldn’t it?

“my drug counsellor has said.. that I need to put myself first… I have an extreme fear of abandonment to the point I will sacrifice myself to be what I perceive as ‘accepted’“- at times, when the fear of being alone is huge, and feeling so alone feels like approaching death, putting someone else first feels as urgent as the need to stay alive, doesn’t it? If so, no wonder you will lose most of yourself so to avoid losing all of yourself.

anita